Michelle's Adventures

Perspective

2012-02-12T18:54:00.004-07:00

"True, enduring happiness, with the accompanying strength, courage, and capacity to overcome the greatest difficulties, will come as you center your life in Jesus Christ. Obedience to His teachings provides a secure ascent in the journey of life. That takes effort. While there is no guarantee of overnight results, there is the assurance that, in the Lord’s time, solutions will come, peace will prevail, and happiness will be yours.

The challenges you face, the growth experiences you encounter, are intended to be temporary scenes played out on the stage of a life of continuing peace and happiness. Sadness, heartache, and disappointment are events in life. It is not intended that they be the substance of life. I do not minimize how hard some of these events can be. When the lesson you are to learn is very important, trials can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining focus of everything you do. Your life can and should be wondrously rewarding. It is your understanding and application of the laws of God that will give your life glorious purpose as you ascend and conquer the difficulties of life. That perspective keeps challenges confined to their proper place—stepping-stones to further growth and attainment.

The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. Your progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether you welcome the experience or not. Trust in the Lord. Ask to be led by the Spirit to know His will. Be willing to accept it. You will then qualify for the greatest happiness and the heights of attainment from this mortal experience.

Peace and happiness are the precious fruits of a righteous life. They are only possible because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ."
Elder Richard G. Scott "The Atonement Can Secure Your Peace and Happiness"

A friend gave me the bolded part of this quote after Sunday School today. He had taught the lesson and because I had some things to do for one of my callings, I went in late. I don't know if the quote was a part of the lesson, or he just randomly gave me the quote when someone brought it up to him after the lesson. Whatever the reason, I am so grateful he gave it to me. It is exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I've had a really rough past month. Let me correct that. I've had a really rough past YEAR. Lately it's been really rough. Basically, I'm emotionally drained from... EVERYTHING. I don't feel comfortable explaining all the reasons why here on a blog, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that this past week I've received help from a couple friends and inspiration from the Spirit that has helped me to know how I can be happy even while enduring many difficult trials, just like the above quote says. My friend giving me the quote was a tender mercy of Heavenly Father letting me know that I'm on the right track. Today I've felt happier than I have in a while and it's thanks to my friends and a very loving Heavenly Father.

Plan B

2012-01-25T18:01:00.000-07:00

I was just officially notified that I did not make it on to callbacks for the Nauvoo Pageant core cast. It's disappointing and hard that I won't be returning to participate in the pageant or visit Nauvoo this summer. I didn't feel right about applying for family cast again as much as I really wanted to have that as a back up. In a way I was prepared for this disappointment, which makes the news a little easier to accept. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Nauvoo and the pageant. It's become a part of who I am. I can't help but feeling like there must be some mistake and I will still be a part of it somehow this summer. It may only be a matter of timing because I do feel that my association with the pageant isn't over yet. I will go back, not this year, but I will go back.

So, what do I do now?

I don't know the reasons why I am not to be in the pageant this summers. My first thought is that maybe my grandma needs me more than pageant does. My grandma's health has worsened in the past month. It started when she got the flu for a day and immediately afterward got bronchitis. Since then, she's swollen up again. She's gained 40 pounds in 3 weeks. The doctors have changed her medicine every week since she started swelling up again. All the changes confuses grandma, so I have to take more time to not just check her medicine but help her figure out how much of what to take when. It takes a long time, especially since they've been changing it every week! She says she feels "weird" and she doesn't do much stuff before she gets tired and has to stop. She doesn't drive herself places as much anymore (thank goodness). This past week I've started getting the mail when I come home from work because she doesn't have the energy to do that anymore (plus, it's cold and we had a couple snowy days).

I think the hardest is part is wanting something to do this summer when I'm off work that I can look forward to and also feel like I'm progressing and doing some good for others. I have some ideas formulating, but it's nothing big because I have a car and a tooth implant debt to pay off. Grand Canyon, Escalante, Martin's Cove.... who knows what this summer has in store for me. I'm even thinking to start doing family history again since I haven't done it in what seems like forever. That thought, as well as thinking about whatever hiking escapades I might have, excites me.

I'm honestly trying to only face and take one day at a time... it's all I can handle right now. I think pageant was to be the light at the end of the tunnel... an escape tunnel. But now that I know I'm not doing it this summer, I have to trudge on through and find light (and breathing holes) everyday. If I count my blessings it's not hard to find those things if I look for them.

Things I learned from audition for the pageant:
Follow promptings of the Spirit
I can do anything I set my mind to when I rely on the Lord for strength and help.
I have SO MUCH to learn!!!!!!!
There is power in bearing (or singing) a PURE testimony
Smiling makes me feel happy and more open toward others even when it feel too hard to do
Even things I've read/watched over a dozen times can and will teach me something new or that I need at that moment if I watch/read them with "new" eyes (as if I hadn't seen/read it before)
The Lord knows me, my heart, and my desires and He has a plan for me that I can't understand right now, but it will be GOOD.

Home Sweet Home Highlights

2012-01-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

Trip to Disneyland and Club 33 on Christmas Eve

Giving Ryan this Alligator which Tyler named "Fluffy"

Scandia with Ryan, visiting Steven at work

Seeing Wicked at the Pantages theater in LA

Other highlights:
1. Watching Eureka with my mom (Dad and Ryan)
2. Sitting at the table eating dinner with all of my family
3. Amanda making a comment at dinner that made us laugh so hard we cried and almost choked on our food--- the best part is she even got my dad to laugh just as much
4. Making videos of my siblings and I playing with lightsabers on Christmas day
5. Going on Splash Mountain, just Amanda and I, and not getting wet at all (and we went on it twice in a row)

A Year In Review

2011-12-29T00:32:00.001-07:00

Tonight I went on a date with my best friend Kristen. She and I have been friends since my sophomore year in high school. Every time I come home, she and I go on a "date" to Baskin Robbins and we catch-up with each other. As I thought about our date last year, I realized how much has changed in my life this past year. On our date a year ago, she strongly encouraged me to move out of the place I'd lived for about 6 years or so. I told her I'd think about it. Little did I know that I really would and that conversation would lead to some major changes in my life in a very short time period.

It's hard to believe that I've only been living with my grandma for 8 months. It feels like SO MUCH LONGER! So much has happened....

As soon as I walked into my apartment door when I returned from Christmas break, I knew I needed to move out. Very soon after that, my mom called to tell me my grandma was in the hospital with congested heart failure. It was at that moment I knew where I was to move. It wasn't easy for me to make the move for MANY reasons, but I know that it was the right thing to do not only for my grandma's sake, but for mine as well. It has been VERY difficult, but I've learned so much about myself and my life. It also has been a great blessing for me, in more ways than I can enumerate.

I moved in with my grandma in April. Shortly after I moved in, part of the basement flooded and my grandma got a pacemaker put in. We had lots of visitors come and stay with us throughout the summer, mostly family coming to visit grandma, which was good for her. In June, my ward got organized into a Young Single Adult stake, which has greatly improved the ward and my opportunities of making friends and enjoyable moments here. It keeps getting better and better in that regard. In July, I was in the Nauvoo Pageant for two weeks--some of the best two weeks of my life thus far! Work wise, I started out the year in Provo going house to house in the Homebase program of Head Start and then in August I was moved to the Pleasant Grove center in the regular classroom program. It's nice to live only about two and a half miles from work!!

It may not seem like much to anyone else, but as I look back, it's amazing how far I've come this year and I hope that many great things will happen this coming year. My main goal this year is to truly use my savings account as a savings account that I don't touch except for emergencies. I want to begin saving money so that in 4-5 years I can put a down-payment on my own house. That's the plan anyway.

I Believe in Santa Claus

2011-12-18T18:13:00.001-07:00

Today we had a really great Relief Society lesson on the symbols of Christmas where the teacher read some children books and had us look up scriptures and talk about the different symbols we see all around us at Christmas time. Before she started reading "I Believe in Santa Claus," she asked us if we all believed in Santa. I said yes, but I thought why I did for the rest of the lesson. I do believe in Santa and I will try to explain why, although I pretty sure what I'm thinking won't quite translate into words exactly.

To preface this, I'm not writing all this to boast or whatever, I just want to share an experience that has helped me gain a better understanding of what Christmas is really all about.

This past week I had the opportunity to deliver presents to a family who otherwise would not have been able to provide Christmas for their children this year. It was a tender moment to step into their house and give them two big bags of things that their children needed and wanted for Christmas- clothes, books, and toys. It was a humbling experience that I won't soon forget and hope to repeat next year. They kept telling me that I was their angel. They gave me a loaf of apple bread and a card. Part of the card said, "We want to sincerely thank you for your generosity in this time of need. Without your help, my children would not have received gifts. You are our Santa Claus in this Christmas."

Later, I was watching a Christmas movie when I started to wonder where all the letters to Santa actually go each year. So, I googled it and learned that in 1912 someone in the postal service started an organization called "Operation Santa Claus." Basically, when a letter doesn't have a complete address to Alaska or it just says North Pole on it, the letters are sorted out for "Operation Santa Claus." Postal employees open the letters and sort out the ones who are in most need. Then, people can come to the post office and look through letters and choose up to 10 letters to "answer" by buying gifts and then taking them to the post office to have them sent. Not all post offices do it, but I thought it was incredible that people could and would do that!

So, when the teacher asked if I believed in Santa, I said Yes. I said yes because there are Santas all over who are willing to give a little of what they have to answer the prayers and needs and wants of other people in need. I had the opportunity to be Santa this year and it was the best feeling in the world. Isn't that the spirit of Christmas?

I know not many actually read my blog, but I want to challenge those who do to be a Santa for someone this Christmas. It doesn't have to be answering a "Dear Santa" letter or "Sub for Santa" thing. People are in need all around us, in fact, I bet you live with at least one person who qualifies. Do something for them.

Simple things...

2011-12-13T20:17:00.001-07:00

1. Going to temple square and bearing testimony to a friend of the Atonement as we looked at the Christus statue.
2. Laughing and hanging out with friends.
3. Watching Christmas lights that are synchronized to music.
4. Providing Christmas for a family in need.
5. Gift card from work.
6. Teaching, loving, and caring for, being hugged by and playing with sweet little children
7. Things to look forward to
8. Showers
9. Snow that doesn't stick to the ground for very long.
10. Watching the Christmas classics.

'Tis The Season

2011-12-07T17:42:00.001-07:00

The Christmas season is FINALLY here and I'm loving it! Here are pictures from my recent adventures:

First snow, and with the warm weather, we still have roses!

Mom's Christmas village with new Hogwarts Express!

Friends in PG and I all went to Temple Square to see the lights. Had a little adventure taking the Trax to get there, but it was tons for fun for all of us.

My Christmas village!

Birthday party with all my friends

My home teacher and I hosted at the Festival of Trees and had a blast.

Tangled gingerbread house, incredible!

Weasley House

Class pets Ozzy and Teddy. They laid eggs and the first one hatched on my birthday!

Phase 6 Complete

2011-12-02T18:52:00.001-07:00

My brother emailed the pictures of phase 5 of Christmas decorating being completed, which was garland on the fence of our house. So, that make finally putting up my Christmas village phase 6! It looks really great this year all lit up! I haven't lit my village houses in years! I just noticed all the exclamation points I've used and thought to change them, but I'm actually that excited about this! Okay, I'll stop... maybe. I will post pictures of my village on here soon!

I'm excited that tonight in just a few minutes I'm going to see the lights on Temple Square with some friends in my ward.

On Monday it's my birthday! I'm super excited to show my friends my village and decorations downstairs. Not many people actually come to my place, so it's usually just me that gets to enjoy them. Having cheesecake, Martinelli's, and grasshopper mint cookies... Mmmmm....

Today I also went shopping for my Sub for Santa family. I am grateful I can make Christmas happen for at least a couple kids this year. It's my first time doing it, so it's kind of fun and interesting.

Time to end this random post and go to Temple Square!

History of my Christmas Village

2011-11-27T18:25:00.001-07:00

It has been amazing to be home with my family! I love it! My favorite part was spending pretty much the whole weekend putting up Christmas decorations and laughing at my four-year-old nephew. He is hilarious. Yesterday we put up the village. We started the village when I was in high school because my mom wanted me to have a collection of some sort. Some of my siblings wanted in on the fun of making a village, so they got some houses of their own, which eventually required the use of the entire front room to showcase our village houses.

At first, my village was just a random collection, but eventually my mom began buying me houses or people that represented something about me or my life that year, so we've kept that tradition. Almost every item in my village tells something about me or my life. I have about 25 "items" in my village now. I say items because not everything in my village is a house. This year I actually got three things to add to my village: a house to represent me moving into my grandma's basement, a teddybear shop because I collect teddy bears, and a train because I rode a train for the first time this year. I am super excited to have a train in my village now! It even blows smoke and has a whistle!

I loaded up my car yesterday and it is packed full of my village and other things I am taking back with me. I'm hoping to set up my village on Tuesday night, at least start setting it up anyway.

As I started setting up my mom's village, I thought about how much work it is every year to take down all the boxes, figure out how to display it, take all of the things out of their boxes, etc. and I wondered if we were crazy for even doing it. I started out doing it by myself, but then I decided to wait until others could help me because that is what has made having a village so meaningful. The time we spend doing it means the world to me. Not everyone helps set it up, but they still do something to add to it. Ryan every year has put random toys in the village and told me the story of how they came to be there. I will really miss that about not having my village at home. Each year it is a different story and I look forward to it.

There is more I can say, but this will have to do. I have family dinner to go to !!

Tender Mercies

2011-11-24T10:28:00.001-07:00

I finally made it home after a slight delay. The cover of my gas lid wouldn't open when I pulled the button, so I went to my reliable friends in Provo who pried it open for me-- meaning, he broke the lock so now it can just be opened. I am actually grateful he broke it...

By some miracle, or a dozen miracles I'd say, I was able to stay awake all through the night to make it home at 4 AM. By then I'd been awake almost 23 hours and I was struggling. I don't think I'll drive alone at night ever again like this, or at least night leave just before 9 PM. It was worth it though. Anything is worth it to spend time at home with my family. I love my family.

Yesterday we began decorating for Christmas. That's right, the day before Thanksgiving. We have lots of decorations and usually we get grumpy and really tired when we try to do it all on the day after Thanksgiving, so I am really grateful we started yesterday. It was nice to know we had plenty of time and could just enjoy it all. We put up the tree and decorated it and put up garland and other decorations in the kitchen and family room. I sorted through the ornaments and my mom sorted through the angels so I can take them back to UT with me to decorate my own place. We listened to Christmas music and I just loved every moment of it. It was also fun to see how excited Tyler was to do little things to help decorate. He is getting so big!

Phase 1 of decorating is complete. Phase 2 will be setting up the village. I am going to bring all my village houses to UT with me, so I will sort though them all. It will be interesting to see how much space I will have left in my car after I put them all in. Before starting Phase 2, my daddy and I must play pool. We set the village up on the ping pong table that goes on top of the pool table, so to get our games in, we will play today. I like my little pool games with my daddy.

Thanksgiving dinner we are going out to Home Town Buffet. Most people think that is really odd, but it's something that we've done many times since I was in high school or younger. We still do have it at home some years, but only when I or someone else requests it. Mostly it's because it's a hassle to cook and clean up after, so it's easier for my mom. Afterward, we are going to have a Harry Potter marathon.

Sometime this weekend I will also be helping Amanda put in her college application to BYU. So exciting!!

Now, to give thanks. I have so much to be grateful for this year. It has been a very challenging year for me, with a lot of growing up experiences. I am grateful that I moved into my grandma's basement- to have my own HUGE room and space to make the beginnings of my own home. I am also grateful for my friends. It was a really rough start, but there are a few individuals who have been there for me from the very beginning. I've also made many friends in the past couple months who have helped me in so many ways that I can't even begin to express enough gratitude for them. I am also grateful that I have a job I love that teaches me new things everyday about the kind of person I want to be and prepares me to be the kind of wife and mother I want to become. I am also very grateful for my family and the traditions we do together. I am grateful that they love me for who I am and are always there for me, supporting me in all that I do. It's just amazing to me to have a group of people who know me so well and they love me for everything that I am. They have helped me to become who I am and I am grateful for that, too.

Now, time to play some pool with my daddy!!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-20T18:51:00.001-07:00

A speaker at church today said that she refuses to set up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving because she wants to remember Thanksgiving. At first, I laughed and looked at a couple of my friends who have already started decorating for Christmas and listening to Christmas music like I have. I also kind of got a little defensive because she made it sound like it was a HORRIBLE thing to start decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving. Of course, it's not a horrible thing and it's just her personal opinion. The point she was trying to make is that Thanksgiving is an important holiday, too, and shouldn't be passed over.

I assure you, I haven't forgotten Thanksgiving.

I'm trying to be more thankful or express gratitude all year round, just like I try to give service to people all year round and not just at Christmastime. However, the speaker gave me a good idea. Thanksgiving can be a day that I express thanks to specific people--a special thing and not just a general "I'm thankful for... " that we sometimes say before we eat Thanksgiving dinner.

To me, Thanksgiving and Christmas go hand-in-hand because they are both all about being with my family-enjoying them and showing my love and appreciation for them. It's also a time for me to show my love and appreciation for my family and friends in a little different way than I normally do. I am not a huge gift giver, so it really is a special or significant thing for me to show my love in this way once a year.

This time of year is when I am the most happy. There are just so many things that I love about this time of year, it was hard to postpone putting up decorations to start feeling that holiday spirit myself even if no one else is. Plus, decorating early has brought me some really fun reactions from people, and that has only added to my happiness.

I am SUPER excited to go home on Wednesday to visit my family!! I'm helping Amanda with her college application to BYU. It's weird to think she will most likely be out here next year going to college. I am excited for her to start her own new adventure!

Friends

2011-11-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

I realized something this past week that really made me happy- I have friends. Okay, I already knew I had friends, but I didn't realize until this week how many friends I have made here in PG. I didn't have work for most of this past week, so a few nights this week I was able to stay out a little later watching movies or just talking and laughing with my friends. Tonight at the CES fireside, I looked down the row where I was sitting and saw that my friends and I filled up the whole row plus some. It's amazing. I don't know most of them super well, but that is coming.

With that said, tonight I decided that I needed to change my birthday party plans. I was thinking to do a fancy dinner party with my china dishes and a small group of friends that have really helped me transition into living here. But now I'm thinking that will have to wait until another time. As I sat at the fireside surrounded by some of my new friends, I felt like I wanted them all to be invited to come if they want to. Why not? So, now I'm going to have cheesecake and martinelli's in my fancy glasses and a game night. I might even get some chocolate mint cookies and have hot chocolate if anyone wants it. It's simple and that's perfect for me.

I am just really grateful to have friends that I can laugh with, tease, and just have fun with. I've been missing that aspect of Provo since I got here and now it's finally starting to come.

Speaking of friends, a couple of my friends helped me unbury my Christmas tree and set it up as well as move some things around so I can set up my Christmas village. I'm so excited for Christmas. One of those friends is giving me a hard time about getting him into the Christmas spirit too early, but whatever.

For some reason, I just really needed to start Christmas a little earlier this year. I got most of my shopping done already and I am probably going to decorate my tree this week. I have to wait until I go home for Thanksgiving to get all my ornaments, angel collection, and Christmas village collection to set up. It just feels good to decorate and think about what I will do this Christmas season. I signed up to do Sub for Santa this year. It's similar to a family tradition my family had and so I thought it would be a good thing to start doing on my own until I have my own family. I'm excited to do things with my friends and go home!! It will be an awesome holiday season!

Donut Falls and Other Adventures

2011-10-29T01:00:00.001-06:00

This past week has been quite an adventure. A week ago I escaped reality by hanging out with two of my best friends, Savannah and Lynnae, in Salt Lake. It felt like old times and it was amazing! We stayed up until 3 in the morning talking and then hiked to Donut Falls the next day. Now, a week later, I really wish I were back with them, feeling like I did with them. Good news is that I made it to the falls this time and without breaking anything! Here are a couple of pictures:

Work this week was emotionally exhausting, to say the very least. It is so hard to learn about what the kids have to deal with at home knowing the only thing I can do to help them is love them and be the very best teacher I can be. Many things have come to the surface this week that make me ache for these kids and wish I could take them home and take care of them myself--or have my own kids to love and take care of.

Monday, we had a child throw up at lunch. Tuesday, I had to help a child through a kind of seizure. Technically, it's something like holding breath syndrome, but he's been doing it since he was 3 weeks old, so there's got to be something more to it than seeking attention. He's the child that I've thought a lot about at home this week. He is going through so much right now. Wednesday we had a field trip to the dentist. The field trips went well, considering how the previous two days went. We did spontaneously buy two society finches when we randomly went to a pet store after the dentist with our kids. I've recently really have wanted to get pet birds, so it's kind of fun to finally have some even though they aren't mine. The kids haven't named them yet, but we will do that on Tuesday. One of the problems with the birds are that we failed to remember that one of our kids in the afternoon has asthma... not good. So, we may end up having to get rid of them. Oh well, I guess. :(

Thursday, so much happened that I can't even get into it, but it was enough that I really had to keep myself in check that I didn't become the cranky co-worker on "Happy Cranky Co-worker Day." Needless to say, I am very much looking forward to my 3 days off of work next week! Today was parent teacher conferences and I had a long list of things I needed to get done, which I was very happy I was able to do despite feeling so overwhelmed and just tired of being at work this week.

On the bright side, I started scrapbooking again! Just about every night this week I've scrapbooked while rewatching season 4 of Chuck. It felt so good! Tonight I finished scrapbooking pictures of things I've done since I've moved here except for pictures from my Nauvoo Pageant experience this year, which I will probably start tomorrow. It feels so good to accomplish something. Scrapbooking just gives me so much joy. I know, it's weird, but that's me. :)

On the not-so-bright side, when my grandma went to the doctor on Thursday, she fainted in the waiting room. Afterwards, they did blood tests and everything came back normal, so they think that she may just be dehydrated. I wouldn't be surprised. She's had numerous dizzy spells lately, so I'm actually glad that she fainted when she was there so they could know about it and try to help her. I just really wish that she hadn't driven herself home after that. It makes me nervous every time she drives, even more so to think that she drove after she fainted! I also wish she had called me and I could have helped her. On Monday she will have an echocardiogram done. They will do an ultrasound on her heart to see exactly how it is functioning now that she's had some treatments done to help her with her congested heart failure. That should help us know where she's at in the disease and what needs to be done to continue helping her feel comfortable.

Oh, and for those of you who don't already know, my dad got a job! He was only out of work for about two weeks, which was awesome!

Random Thoughts

2011-10-19T22:39:00.002-06:00

For the past many years I've told people that I don't really like Halloween. I've been thinking about it, and I decided that I do like Halloween except for two things about it--scary and gruesome. I think it's kind of cool that one day a year we can dress up as anything we want to just for fun and then it's okay to go around to neighbors (or strangers) houses to receive a treat. It's a fun holiday in that way. I just really, really don't like the feelings of being scared or the gruesome decorations, etc. that come with Halloween. Hence, why it is my least favorite holiday.

Speaking of holidays, I've been thinking a lot about the holiday season and the spirit that fills the air during the season. Yes, it's commercialized, but I do my very best not to get into that by doing what I can to personally make it a time of year to celebrate my Savior's birth and show my love for family and friends. I do my best all year round to remember the Savior and serve others, but there is just something about this time of year that just makes me so happy. In the past, I've tried to make my Christmas gifts to family and friends meaningful. Usually they've been homemade gifts, but I'm really struggling to know what else I can do. I don't normally express my love through gift giving, so that's another reason why Christmas is a special time for me to show my love for my family.

I've debated just buying gifts like everyone else in the world, but then I think about my financial situation. I just looked at my dental insurance claims (because they've finally been processed) and it makes me sick to think how much I have to pay for the implant. I know it's what I needed to do, but it still makes me sick thinking about it. I should be able to pay it off fairly quickly, but it won't be without some sacrifice. I'm used to doing that by now anyway, but it sure makes Christmas a little more difficult to figure out.

I am super excited for the holiday season to begin. When I was younger, my family and I did the 12 days of Christmas for a family. We would give them one piece of the Nativity everyday with a nice little phrase or scriptures and a goody. We also usually chose a family who we would provide "Christmas" for if we knew they were in need. I will never forget those traditions and how they made me feel closer to Christ. I want to continue these traditions in my own family, starting now. Right now I don't have the funds to provide Christmas for a family in need, but I can do the 12 days of Christmas thing. There also may be a way that I can start doing the other tradition without spending too much money... I don't know. Anyway, I spent some time online tonight looking stuff up and now I'm really excited to get started. I'm not sure who I will do the 12 days of Christmas for yet, but it will be great.

I'm also really excited to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I always look forward to setting up my Christmas village the day after Thanksgiving. This year, though, I'm going to bring some (if not all) of my village back to UT with me to set up in my basement to enjoy. I have a house or piece of the village to represent every year of my life. Since it will be my home for a while, I might as well, really make it feel like home. I also want to set up a Christmas tree and decorate it with my ornaments I've collected over the years. I hope my mom will be okay with that, mostly because I didn't think I'd want to do that until I was married. We've purposely collected Christmas houses, ornament, and angels enough that when I take them away, my mom will still have some to set out. I know it won't be the same, but it's something I want to do. If anything, it would be good to give my future husband a really good warning about what he'd be getting himself into if some day, when he is dating me, he has to help me set up the village! That will be the day I will find out if he REALLY likes me! My family and I joke about this EVERY year we set up the village. This year I am going to recruit my home teachers to help me. I'll consider it a trial run.

No work for the last two days of this week! I've got some awesome plans that I'm super excited about. It's about time for a reunion with my best friends, Savannah and Lynnae!

Reasons? Who needs 'em!

2011-10-09T12:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning I decided that I wanted to dress up to go to see the play My Fair Lady in West Valley City. I wasn't going with anyone, but I felt like I wanted to dress up for it. I didn't want to just look nice, I wanted to look and feel BEAUTIFUL for me and not for anyone else. So, I decided to wear my formal red dress that I bought for Oscars Night last year. Why not? I asked my friend Anna, who loves styling hair, if she'd like to do it for me. While she did it, I decided to ask her if she wanted to go to Olive Garden with me since I wanted to do more than go to the play by myself. I also asked one of my home teachers if he'd humor me by joining us in our spontaneous formal night. Besides, even though I was looking beautiful for myself, a part of me still wanted a guy to see it.

The night couldn't have been better. Considering it was gradually put together in one day, it was exactly how I wanted it and more. I went to the play and got many compliments on my dress and hair. I might have stood out like a sore thumb, but I didn't care. The show itself was really good. I was impressed with the stage and the costuming. The acting was really good, too. It wasn't until after the play the I heard back from my home teacher that he would join us. He was incredible. I didn't expect him to treat us girls like it really was a formal occasion by opening our doors to let us in AND out of the car, among other things. The servers were really fun, too. They kept asking us why we were all dressed up and they didn't believe us when we told them that we really didn't have reason except because I felt like it. I think we were the talk among the servers last night, which was kind of fun. The food was yummy and I really loved talking to my friends. It felt good to get to know them better and feel like I do have friends here who I can do random things like this with. Here are some pictures from last night and from some adventures from the past month or so:

Shooting with my ward for FHE. First time ever and it was a bit scary!

My classroom "Den" and tree that we made.

And, of course, just a few of the reasons why I teach preschool...

77 Days and Counting...

2011-10-09T10:40:00.000-06:00

This past week it suddenly got cold in Utah... it even flurried a little. It was a little surprising only because we've had perpetual spring all summer long until these last couple of weeks. It was even more surprising to me, though, that on that first cold morning, as I climbed into my car (with seat warmers), I got excited. I usually dread winter in Utah because I hate driving and walking in the snow, but something about being cold and then warming up in the car reminded me of Christmas, or more specifically, the holiday season and all the memories I have associated with it. November and December are my favorite months of the year. Usually starting Nov. 1st, I feel a certain joy of the spirit of friendship, family, and togetherness. I love making and seeing people happy. The spirit of the holidays to me is the spirit of celebrating all that I hold dear to my heart. Most importantly, I love feeling the spirit of Christ most every where. Of course there is commercialism of Christmas, but I try not to let that destroy how I celebrate all the reasons why I am grateful and the birth of my Savior. Usually this spirit or feeling doesn't come to me until after Halloween, but this week I already felt it and I am feeling so happy! My life is wonderful (which reminds me to watch my favorite movie...)! The Lord has truly given me the strength and peace I need to carry all the responsibilities I have in my life right now.

With all that said, I've already started thinking about decorating my little basement for Christmas. I've decided that when I go home for Thanksgiving, I want to take some, if not all, of my Christmas village houses back to Utah with me so that I can set them up to enjoy. I also have thought about setting up and decorating my own Christmas tree. My grandma has one she decorates all year-round, but I want my own tree down in the basement. The only problem with that is that it's buried beneath all the stuff I went through and stored away for Grandma. Yeah, it's at the very bottom of everything... it was the first thing I put in there. Awesome. So, I am going to recruit my home teachers to help me unearth it and set it up. All the while, I am going to play Mannheim music, just like we do at home. :D My home teachers are going to love me even more after this! ;)

Prophets Speak Today

2011-10-02T20:22:00.000-06:00

I am so grateful for my testimony of the doctrines taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am grateful that there are living prophets on the earth today. I KNOW that Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet and he and the apostles speak God's word to the world today.

Today I had the opportunity to hear them speak in person. As I walked into the large conference center surrounded literally by thousands of people, I was filled with gratitude. I've attended general conference many times before today, but for some reason, all those people holding up signs asking for extra tickets made me realize how great an opportunity and blessing it is to sit in the same room as the Lord's chosen prophet and apostles. I think it's easy to take it for-granted when I live in Utah and have had many opportunities to be in the presence of apostles and prophets. That will never happen again.

As I waited for the conference to start, I watched as the apostles slowly made their way in to take their seats on the stand. Many of them chatted with each other for a while, embraced each other, or touched each other on the arm or shoulder to show their love and care. It reminded me of my experiences in the Nauvoo Pageant and how we cast members did those same gestures because we really FELT that love for one another, on and off stage. Immediately, that made me realize what seems obvious, but really increased my testimony of having living prophets and apostles today. I realized that these apostles (Quentin L. Cook, Russell M. Nelson, Dallin H. Oaks, Boyd K. Packer, etc.) are no different than the apostles of the early restored church (Parley P. Pratt, Heber C. Kimball, Brigham Young, etc.) that I've learned about and seen portrayed on stage and have come to know and love. In fact, they are no different than the apostles that Christ called when he ministered on the earth! As I watched these great men interact, I imagined I was watching Heber C. Kimball or Parley P. Pratt, and I gained a greater appreciation for what these men do and I KNEW, once again, that they were called by God for us today. When President Monson walked in and we all stood in silent respect, I felt the spirit witness to me, again that he is the prophet. Yes, it would AMAZING to hear the prophet Joseph Smith speak, and I would stand in respect of him just as I did President Monson, but I know that Thomas S. Monson was called to be our prophet today, to tell me what I need to know in today's world. It's an incredible blessing. I couldn't help but wonder what an apostle and prophet's life is like today since I've read so much about what it was like for the early prophets and apostles. They are just ordinary men, but they are GREAT men and I am grateful for the humble service they do to forward God's work on the earth.

On a side note, the hardest thing to do is to not do something I want to do. In this I am referring to wanting to apply to be in the family cast of the Nauvoo Pageant again, but I feel that is not what I am to do. I AM, however, to audition to be in the core cast of the pageant. That is a bigger deal, but there is a good chance I won't be selected and I wouldn't be in the pageant at all. Even though it is difficult to accept, I have to trust that God has something better planned for me and that is all I can do. For now, though, I am doing all I can to prepare for the audition in January and trusting that it will all work for my good, whatever happens.

Here we go again...

2011-09-21T21:33:00.002-06:00

There are somethings you'd love to do again, but there are other things you wish you never had to experience even once, and one of those things is your dad being laid-off. That's right, my dad got laid off from his job today. I still can't believe it, but sooner or later, reality has to set in. Even though I am supporting myself with my own job, hearing that my dad got laid off is really hard. I feel the familiar weight of it all even though it doesn't affect me directly.

My dad went through a few jobs when I was a kid, but I was too young to remember what it was like to really know how it affected the family. However, the last two times he's been laid off stand out clearly in my mind like it was yesterday. This is the third time he's been laid off in 5 years' time. I think part of why it's affecting me so much is because I felt like they were finally starting to recover from the past lay-offs that resulted in so many financial issues.

The first time I remember distinctly because I was home from college for the semester so that they could go to Thailand for a two week tour. It was when he was going to go back to work (after they gave him a sabbatical) that they called him to tell him he was laid off and he'd go back to get his things. It was awful. I'm so glad I was home when it happened, though. It was the beginning of some really difficult times for my family and it was good to be with them to go through it until I went back to school. I just realized that this happened almost exactly 5 years ago. How ironic. I know that I learned a lot about my parents and my siblings during that difficult time and I grew closer to them because of it. I think we all grew a little closer to the Lord, too.

The second time was a couple years later. I remember I had just been talking to my mom a few days before about how excited I was that I didn't have to stress so much about grades because I wouldn't have to have a scholarship to finish my last year of school. I remember exactly where I was when my mom called me to tell me that my dad got laid off again. I was in the BYU Library on the second floor doing homework in the periodicals section. I paced back and forth in front of those doors and cried as I felt the bombshell hit and the financial security be blown away. The worst part was that without a scholarship, we weren't sure we would be able to afford for me to finish my last year of school. That was the worst feeling in the world. I think that is what made graduating from BYU even more of a miracle to me. I've learned since that my parents made huge sacrifices to get me there... causing them to file for bankruptcy a year or so after I graduated. I won't ever forget that.

This time when the bomb hit, I'm personally in a better situation, so it wasn't as bad, but it's still really hard. My family is everything to me, so whatever happens to them, happens to me in some degree. I hope with all my heart that this won't keep Amanda from being able to go to BYU. It's been her dream as long as it was mine when I was her age. In some ways, I feel the worst for Amanda because she's had to deal with all this in her teenage years, although I'm sure it's taught her a lot.

My family has been very blessed these past 5 years, so it hasn't all been bad. I believe the greatest blessing was Ryan being able to serve a mission. Being where I am today is a great blessing, too. I know the Lord is mindful of my family and will bless us. I just ask that prayers be sent our way that he can find a job soon.

In Over My Head??

2011-09-18T21:46:00.000-06:00

I think I might be in over my head, although, I just thought of a quote by Joseph Smith where he said, "Deep water is what I'm wont to swim in." That just may be the case with me right now.

This morning I got a call from a counselor in the bishopric where he said they had a new calling to give me. Okay! I figured it wouldn't be long before I'd be put back into a leadership position of some sort and not just on a committee. It turned out that it wasn't just a new calling, it was ANOTHER calling in addition to my current calling. He said that it's a "rare thing" for them to do, but they felt that I could handle it. So, now I am the Relief Society Visiting Teaching Coordinator and I am still on the FHE committee. Although it's going to be a little hard having both callings, I consider it a tender mercy and answer to prayer that I got this second calling. Just before he called, I was thinking about some things I know that I should be doing and had decided that I would ask the RS president what I can do to help her so that I can do more to serve the sisters in RS. Well, I got my answer! It just reconfirmed to me that Heavenly Father is aware of my desires and knows what I need to continue to grow and feel happy.

So now I have two callings. Despite feeling that it is a good calling for me to have right now, I am feeling overwhelmed. Not just with my callings, but with life and responsibility. I know I can do it all with the Lord's help, but it's still hard and I often have moments of great anxiety. In a talk given to YSA's last Sunday, Sister Oaks said that she was counseled in a blessing when she was single and having a hard time that if she couldn't handle the difficulties of life when she is single, she could never handle the difficulties of life when she is married. That really hit me and made me want to do better in handling the many challenges I have to face right now. To be honest, dating/relationships is not even on the plate of concern right now. I have so many other things I am trying to do that dating/relationships I have just put into the hands of the Lord, because I have done and am doing all that I can. Besides, another thing Sis. Oaks said that I already felt was that I should be more concerned about becoming the best disciple of Christ that I can be than about getting married. That is sound advice that I am definitely striving to follow.

I don't want to spell out all the things I am experiencing that are making me feel overwhelmed, but I just wonder if it's one of those moments where there is something I SHOULD let go of or if I really am doing all that I am supposed to be doing and it just happens to be A LOT. If so, the Lord sure believes that I am up to the challenge. Overall, I feel the guidance of the Lord in my life and decisions and He will help me figure out what is most important for me to do at this time. In the mean time, I will be swimming in some deep water.

Home Teachers!

2011-09-11T20:44:00.000-06:00

FINALLY, after being in my ward for 6 months, I got home teachers!! I can't count how many times I've needed my home teachers these past 6 months and haven't had anyone reliable to call on. I've missed having them, partly because there is a sense of security I feel knowing that priesthood holders are watching out for me and are there for me when I need them. It's especially important to me now that I am living where it's just me and my grandma with few visitors most of the time. I'm hoping having home teachers will also help me get to know more people in the ward.

Work is still stressful. I'm not going to get into all of it, but it's been a really rough week and just thinking about it makes me feel anxious. It's not the kids, they are as cute as can be. It's all the other stuff. It's not coworkers either. Thankfully I work with some really great women. I'm hoping that things will settle down in a month or so as I get used to how things have to be. I feel like I'm learning a whole new position with all the changes that are happening. So much of it I can't change and so I don't think it's good for me to complain about it in specifics, but instead humble myself and do what I have to do. It doesn't help at all when coworkers complain to me about it all though. It makes it even harder for me to be positive and just do it.

I've been thinking and learning a lot about humility lately. I have so much to learn and I am grateful for the learning experiences I'm having to help me learn more and more about it even though it does make life seem a little bit harder.

Something that really helped me today was lots of time to study in the scriptures this morning and then going to the CES fireside tonight. Sis. Oaks, Elder Oaks' wife, spoke first and said exactly what I needed to hear right now. She helped the Spirit confirm to me that I am on the right track, doing exactly what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. He knows my needs and desires and what I'm going through perfectly. I'm grateful for her inspired words to remind me of somethings that give me encouragement to keep up doing what I'm doing.

Phase One Complete

2011-09-03T10:59:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I completed phase one of receiving my new tooth! Fortunately, I survived the sedation part... I was a little nervous about that. It turned out to be very nice. I didn't get loopy or anything like that and I didn't feel too weird afterward.

The great news is that the dentist was able to put in the bone graft AND the implant post all in one shot. There was a chance that there wouldn't be enough existing bone for him to put the post in, but there was! The other good news is that he put in a temporary fake tooth there so I don't have to wear my retainer! Right now it there are stitches wrapped around the fake tooth and the teeth beside it, so it looks like something from Frankenstein or something. My jaw/chin is a bit sore. I iced it all afternoon yesterday. For 48 hours I am to take it easy so it doesn't bleed, so what am I doing? Watching Chuck, of course! I watched all of season one yesterday...

I don't feel like I can really chew foods right now, so I'm having to work around that. Yesterday it hurt to even open my mouth all the way to talk, but today it is a little better. It's a holiday on Monday, so it will be nice to have an extra day to recover before going back to school/work.

I have an appointment in two weeks where he will most likely remove the stitches. After that I will have check up appointments until the dentist believes it is healed enough to get the crown put on by my regular dentist. That procedure isn't bad, so I probably won't be sedated. I have to wait four months before I get the crown, most likely, so sometime between December and February, I will finally have a tooth there again!

Sharing

2011-08-31T20:01:00.000-06:00

Recently I've been experiencing situations where it's not good to share and where more sharing should be allowed to happen.

For the first situation, the central office is trying an experiment with my class and the class next door in which we have to share a classroom aide. They want us to prove that a classroom aide is needed because they would like to save money by not having classroom aides anymore. On Tuesday, we spent about 2 hours together trying to figure out how we could all get our breaks, that are required legally, as well as have the proper supervision ratio of teachers/students, which is also required. It was pretty much impossible. We figured out a way to do it, if the office would allow the lunch aide who serves both classes to get an extra half an hour added to her time each day so she could be with us when we are outside so we can get our breaks. I'm guessing it got approved, because we went ahead and put our plan into action today, and it went smoothly. If this alone doesn't prove we need them, I don't know what will.

The part that didn't go smoothly as a result of our plan was our actual class schedule. The outside times have to be at certain times in order for us to have the lunch aide there to help us, so we have to adapt our schedule to that. The morning class went okay. We were all a bit frazzled because it was the first day and we are learning by trial and error of what we each need to do to make things work. The afternoon class, however, was a flop. We ended up have an extra hour of time and so we just let the kids play in the classroom. They couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes at the circle, which is expected for 3 year olds, but 4 year olds usually do at least a few minutes longer than that. Granted, it was only the first day, and we understood that. The main problem we have is a huge block of time after outside time that we don't know what to do with the kids when they've already played in the classroom for an hour before outside time. Outside time is already 45 minutes instead of the usual half an hour, so when it gets cold and that is shorter, we will have a lot longer time to fill in the classroom. The schedule feels so disjointed and backwards to me. Part of that is also because we can no longer have a half an hour arrival and pick up time like we used to and kids have to be served food at certain times. Mmmm that's where that extra time came from!

Overall, the first day wasn't that bad. Tomorrow the second half of each class will come and it will feel like Groundhog's Day because we will be doing the same exact things, even down to what we are eating for snacks and lunch. Fun! I'm just a little nervous to have all 16 kids come on Tuesday! It will be absolutely insane. We will handle it, though, I'm sure.

The other aspect of sharing I mentioned was a situation where we should be able to share more. On Tuesday we were told by HR the difference between exempt and non-exempt employees. The teacher is exempt and the assistant teacher is non-exempt. Exempt means that the teachers work until the job is done, whether it takes more than their required 40 hours a week or less. They do not get paid overtime. Non-exempt means assistant teachers (like myself) are required to work 40 hours a week and they get paid time-and-a-half if they work overtime. HOWEVER, federal regulation for our program says that no part of the federal funding can go toward paying overtime, which means, if assistant teachers work any overtime that is not pre-approved by our director, we will be subject to disciplinary action. Yikes.

What this means in real life is, that as soon as the clock hits 4:30 pm, I HAVE to leave otherwise I am going against the law and could possibly be fired. With that said, I could be helping clean up the classroom or preparing the classroom for the next days activities (which I may be in charge of teaching) or there might be some paper work or other project the teacher needs my help doing and I will HAVE TO leave when my 8 hours are up and leave the rest for the teacher to do. If I do go over, I will have to leave early on Friday, which is my preparation day. This all leaves very little time for the teacher and I to talk to each other about the class or coordinate things on a day to day basis. It also means the teachers get the short end of the stick and have to carry the heavy load of responsibilities all by themselves. It's ridiculous. They also said no "volunteering" my time to help the teacher or working at home. So... when am I supposed to get done what I am supposed to do, like planning? I know it's a legality issue, but if that is the case, why not make assistant teachers exempt? Seriously, because most assistant teachers will most likely "volunteer" their time or work at home anyway and lie on their time sheets anyway. I can't honestly do that myself, but it will be really hard to not be able to help my teacher as much as she needs me to help her. It will also be hard to not have enough time to do what I need to do for my own teaching preparation.

On a more positive note, one of the kids that came today only could remember my name from when we visited her house so she kept calling the other teacher my name. It was cute. Then to have the kids try to say my name is really cute, too. The kids in the afternoon class really wanted to include me in their dramatic play and I absolutely loved it. One little boy wanted to play "house and robots." I was a robot and he fed me lots and lots of "food." Yum.

Chugging Along

2011-08-21T19:51:00.001-06:00

I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog, but here's an update on what I'm up to now. This past week my co-teacher and I attempted to visit all 30 of our kids. We are required to visit each child's home before they start school so we can get an idea about the home situation of the child and so they can fill out require paperwork for them to come. Each visit is about half an hour to an hour long. I play games with the kids (the fun part) and take notes while the teacher (Miss Julie) talks with the parent(s). It's exhausting to visit more than 4 families in one day! We got most of the kids, but with class list changes, we will most likely have more home visits to do in the coming weeks.

The other thing we attempted to do was start setting up our classroom. Neither one of us worked in this classroom before, so we have no idea what we have to work with and no time to actually go through. Everyday this week we've swapped furniture or other items from a closed classroom so we have things that are in better condition. Most of the stuff in our classroom is fairly old and ugly. We figured out where we want the different "centers" of the classroom to be, but it still looks like a disaster and there is so much stuff to do and we don't have time to do it unless we work over time. Over time is a big no-no for asst. teachers like me because we are paid hourly, but that puts the load on the teacher and she is super stressed. It's awful. I wouldn't be surprised to find out she worked in the classroom on Saturday....

The greatest obstacle here is that we only are given another 1/2 day to set up the classroom between now and when class is to start. All the other time we are in training all day long. It's going to be a really rough and stressful next few weeks.

On a more positive note, I love living only 8 minutes from the center I work at. It's awesome! I am really excited to work with Julie. She has a bear theme that she does things with all year long, which it perfect because I love bears! She and I get along well. If all goes like it should next year, we should be working together again next year, which right now sounds great! She worries and stresses more than I do, so sometimes she stresses me out even more, but it will be okay.

I work a full day and then M-F each night I have church activities that I go to. Thursday night I try to be home and spend time with my grandma. The most difficult task is getting to bed when I need to. I have to be in bed no later than 10 PM so I can wake up at 6 AM to get ready for work. That means leaving activities at 8:30 or so, which is a big bummer when that is the only social time I have during the week. I'm getting used to it though, so I should be okay.

So, I'm keeping very busy trying to do the same ol' same ol' balancing of life and things. My grandma is doing pretty good right now, too.

School starts August 31st and then I get my implant on Sept. 2nd! Should be great!

No Pressure!

2011-08-13T23:35:00.001-06:00

There was an article in the BYU Alumni magazine about Brian Crane, the creator of the comic strip called Pickles. I read this one and it made my family history nerd happy. I couldn't find it online so I have to just type what it says. Enjoy!

Grandfather: Have you been a good by lately, Nelson?
Nelson: Yeah, I guess.
Grandfather: Good. A lot of people are counting on you.
Nelson: Like who?
Grandfather: Let me put it this way... You have two parents, each of them had two parents, and they had a total of four parents. Those are you grandparents, of which I am one.

Then there were eight great-grandparents, sixteen great-great grandparents, and thirty-two great-great-great grandparents.

If you figure twenty five years between generations, only five hundred years ago there were, let's see...
... One million, forty eight thousand, five hundred and seventy-six people all involved in the creation of YOU.

That's a lot of folks counting on you to make something of yourself, boy. So... DON'T LET US DOWN!

Nelson: Geez! Peer pressure is nothing compared to ancestor pressure!

Dear Tooth Fairy...

2011-08-11T19:23:00.001-06:00

Dear Tooth Fairy,
Remember about a year ago when I lost that tooth when that dumb guy was climbing down the side of the mountain letting down rocks and one hit me? Well, that tooth was shattered into a million little pieces, so it was impossible for me to put the tooth under my pillow for you to come and exchange it for money. You still do that right? Since I'm older now, and I lost the tooth in such a traumatic experience, I think that I should get a bit more money than most other people get when you come. I've been a good girl, haven't I? Oh wait, that's Santa Clause. Anyway, I'm anxiously awaiting your reply.

Michelle

PS If you could let me know in the next 3 weeks (by September 2nd to be exact), that would be great! That's when I'm getting the FAKE tooth put in to replace the one that was shattered.

PPS You can write me a check if you don't have that much cash on you, just so you know. :)

And so it begins...

2011-08-09T17:27:00.000-06:00

Today was my first day back to work after a very short, but eventful and enjoyable summer. I am still working as a preschool teacher, but this year I will be working in Pleasant Grove! I'm very excited to work at a new location with some really great teachers. These first few weeks are training. We have a new director who has made many really great changes to our program, but that means we have to be trained on all the changes. Although the changes are really great, I noticed about half way through the training today that my neck and shoulders are ALREADY tightening up. I love my job, but I realized today how much stress it gives me. I've come to ignore the stress and just work through it, but my body doesn't ignore it, ever. It just tightens up and causes neck pain and encourages stress eating. I gained a lot of weight while working here mainly because of stress eating, so it's my goal this year to not give into it like I have in the past. Instead I need to exercise and drink more water. I hope that solution helps!

But with all that said... anyone want to give me a free neck/shoulder massage?

Bless Your Soul!

2011-08-06T16:00:00.002-06:00

I can actually hold a baseball bat right and hit and hit the ball! Who knew, right? I haven't hit a ball that good... ever! A friend actually complimented me and said that I was good and coordinated...that's the first time I've gotten that compliment. I've always struggled, especially with hitting a ball. Depth perception and coordination are usually my weak spots, but not today! My mommy would be proud!

So, about 14 or so fellow Nauvoo pageant-ians got together this afternoon to play baseball. The goal was to teach one of them who is from England how to play because she'd never played it before. Once we taught her, she said it was something similar to a game called Rounders that they have. So, maybe baseball isn't an American sport after all..... I had a lot of fun playing. We stopped for a rest at the seventh inning and ended up not playing again because we had fun visiting and sitting on the chigger-free grass! Yes! And the title "bless your soul," I'm not even sure where it came from, but pageant peoples were saying it a lot and it was awesome.

Now I'm off to visit my old stomping grounds in Provo with my previous roommates. They've finally got new couches and I have to check them out and approve of them, of course!

Move Along, Move Along

2011-08-05T19:15:00.001-06:00

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

All American Rejects

It's what I have to do...

Worried

2011-07-26T13:27:00.001-06:00

Since I've come back from Nauvoo, I've started to become more and more worried about my grandma. A couple days after I left for Nauvoo, she developed shingles, which is the same virus as chicken pox, but it affects the nervous system. Big, painful sores with blisters that follow the nerves in the area that is affected. She has it on her chest and stomach. I can tell how it has weakened her. She is uncomfortable, in pain, and doesn't sleep well at night. Add onto that her already lack of energy and feeling uncomfortable with the symptoms of congested heart failure. Granted, since the pacemaker was put in, she has felt better, but since I've come back, I'm not so sure.

Now add on top of that visitors... some who stay here for over a week. It's all family, minus one who is a good friend of hers, but I can see how it's affecting her. One of the families has four kids who are... well, kids! Wild, full of energy, bored of being in the house all day, loud... etc. She said she's wanted to bonk them on their heads a few times, and I don't blame her. She is the kind that doesn't really express how she is feeling until it's boiling over or persuaded out of her. I can sense that having these extra guests at our house is taking it's toll. She loves having them here, but at the same time, she worries or stresses about being a good host, etc, and she doesn't have the energy or ability to do that anymore. In a couple days her friend is coming to stay with us, and then sometime next week her daughter and son-in-law are coming back to visit as they did in May. It means we'll have a full house! What that also means is downstairs won't be an escape anymore because they will have to sleep downstairs. Granted, I recently put a lock on my door, so I can still escape in that way.

I guess I just wanted to express that I am really concerned for my grandma's health with all the visitors coming. I talked to her about it just now and she said she's fine, but I can tell it is hard for her, by her nonverbal communication, I guess. I encouraged her to let us know when she needs a break, to speak up and let us know when she is feeling overwhelmed or tired. I really hope she will. One thing I learned was that shingles is sometimes brought on by stress and a weak immune system. She developed it after I left and I can't help but wonder if being by herself those few days stressed her out... I don't know. It's just me wondering. But continual stress/worrying probably won't help her to get better anytime soon. She may not admit it, but I know she worries a lot when people come to visit, no matter how much she loves the company. I could tell this even when I brought my friends over to visit with me downstairs.

With people coming, particularly two of her children being here, I do feel a little relieved of the work I do to try to take care of her, although, they don't know everything that needs to be done most of the time. It's good for her to have visitors and it's good to allow others to serve her like I am trying to do because I can only do so much. It gives me a little break so after they leave I can be even better at helping her the way I need to.

THAT We Took With Us...

2011-07-24T18:41:00.001-06:00

“Over the years, time and the forces of nature erased
almost all of what we had built here, with so much
love and desire…But nothing could erase what Nauvoo had given us.
That we took with us. And we taught our children, and they
taught theirs. Which is why when you’re here…We’re here also."
Nauvoo Pageant script

This afternoon I was a little hesitant to go to church. The reason is because I remembered how it was when I left, and that was that it was in awful shape. With the new ward change and people who were tired of trying to make the YSA ward work here, it was very challenging for me to stay optimistic and hopeful to have a good experience in this ward. Considering I'll probably be in this ward until I'm married, it was very depressing. Before I left, I was called as the FHE coordinator. It was like pulling teeth to get people to come to activities and be excited about the ward change and anything for that matter. When I left for Nauvoo, the bishopric were a little frantic about what they were going to do without me. They kept telling me they wished they had 300 more of me. Nice compliment, but it didn't help my feelings about the ward at the time. So, I left for Nauvoo and today I went back expecting to find the same ward and people that I left. But I was wrong.

I did find the same people, but there was something different about the ward as a whole. Sacrament meeting was truly inspired. Not that it wasn't before, but it was really good. It just so happens that today is Pioneer Day in Utah, which is the day we celebrate when the early saints arrived into the Salt Lake Valley. So, of course, that is what was talked about. The first speaker talked about Nauvoo and having just been there, I thought about all my experiences there and all that I know about that beautiful city when the saints were there. Then he went on to talk about them leaving Nauvoo. He asked, "Why did they leave?" I know it was to escape persecution, but it was much more than that. Surprisingly to me, the speaker said that. He went on to talk about all the things that the saints took with them BECAUSE they left Nauvoo and how we can learn from them. He quoted a talk that I don't remember which listed some things that we can learn from the early saints leaving Nauvoo. Here they are: Faith, unselfishness, sacrifice, obedience, cooperation, inclusion, and unity. He then said things that made me immediately think of the finale of the Nauvoo Pageant and a specific quote. I'll put it again:

“Over the years, time and the forces of nature erased
almost all of what we had built here, with so much
love and desire…But nothing could erase what Nauvoo had given us.
That we took with us. And we taught our children, and they
taught theirs. Which is why when you’re here…We’re here also.
Nauvoo Pageant script

One other thing he said that I felt was very true is that we are living what those early saints dreamed and hoped we would have as they crossed that river into the wilderness. They had it in Nauvoo and they wanted us to have it, too. And here we are! I am so grateful for their examples and that they did teach their children and their children's children all that they took from Nauvoo.

I couldn't help but also think of this quote by Joseph Smith as the speakers mostly talked about the suffering and trials the saints had to endure to come to where we are today.

"The Standard of Truth has been erected; No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, and calumny may defame [and I would add people may starve, freeze, and die]; but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent, til it has penetrated every continent, visited every climb, swept every country and sounded in every ear, til the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."

These talks were a tender mercy for me today. It was just what I needed to hear upon returning to my ward from Nauvoo.

After sacrament meeting my ward has Relief Society. My ward's Relief Society was one of my biggest pet peeves, as guess you can say. I'd experienced it at BYU and this ward was nothing like it-- it was a mess! However, from the start of today's meeting, I could feel the difference, and talking with people afterwards, they felt it, too. It's getting better--more like how I felt Relief Society ought to be when I was in Nauvoo and I said all those things about it. I am so grateful that we are on the right track and I can see this Relief Society becoming all that it can be for the sisters in my ward. Of course, I have to do my part and contribute my time and talents to it and help the other sisters catch the vision of what we can become. I shared some of my feelings with few of the sisters after church, including this quote from the pageant, which I feel is one of the best ways to describe my vision of Relief Society: "Sisters, we are going to do something extraordinary! Come!"

This last thing is something a friend of mine, who is still doing the pageant this week, wrote on facebook. He summarized beautifully the feelings I had when I was there:

I love that Zion truly can be a reality when we dedicate ourselves to the work. And what a beautiful thing it is. True consecration to the Lord brings incomparable joy.

I want to keep that feeling with me... I want to do my part of build Zion where I am at. I know that sounds cheesy, but if you have ever in your life experienced what Zion is like and all that requires of you to make it, then you would say the same thing.

Thoughts and Reflections-- Nauvoo Pageant Experiences

2011-07-20T14:13:00.004-06:00

I am grateful forthe opportunity I’ve had to be in the Family Cast of the Nauvoo Pageant in2011. It was quite a different experience than last year when I did FamilySupport and that is because I was on stage and not backstage for the show.Being on stage was almost a sacred experience because I was truly representingthose early saints who lived in Nauvoo. Each night I performed, I chose to representone of my own ancestors who lived in Nauvoo. There were many times when I feltthat I was feeling as they did as I was performing different scenes. I wasn’treally performing though. It was so much more. I believe that it is more thantrue the saying in the pageant, “When you’re here, we’re here.” We all felt itwhen we were on stage. The directors would talk about how movement was thelanguage of our mission and how we bore our testimonies to the audience. I feltmost successful when I wasn’t performing—trying to be perfect in the dancemoves or positions on stage. I was most successful when I was being me-forgetting myself (my fears, weakness, inadequacy, comfort zone) and giving ofmy whole self to the scene. I learned that giving of myself meant to give moreenergy than I felt I had and to converse with others on stage as if I werereally in that scene. “I will rest in God’s kingdom, but let me build itfirst.” It also meant to not complain about the sweat or the heat or anymistakes we made. “To give more that we had, we gave of ourselves.” The mostpowerful scenes happened when I really thought about what we were doing and theimpact it has had on my own life and not just early saints.

Justbefore going to Nauvoo, I felt impressed to read a book called, The Women ofNauvoo. It was great preparation for one of the great things I learned. Iwas selected to be in the organization of the Relief Society scene and as werehearsed it, the stage manager led us in a discussion. She pointed out thatthere is a Relief Society music theme that is played throughout the pageant andnot just in that scene. It even is in the raising of the temple scene when theRS sisters hold up the panels as the men lift it up and we all sing “Praise tothe Man.” I gained a greater appreciation and love for the early women of thechurch who did so much to help care for their homes and families as well asmake it possible for the men to go on missions and build the temple. Havingthat RS theme be throughout the pageant made me realize how much women reallyhave and do influence or take part in building up the church. I have thepotential to do so much good. The Relief Society was organized so that sisterscould be there for each other and use our talents and sensitivities to help allthose in need. “Sisters, we are going to do something extraordinary. Come!” Thewomen are those who made the panels for the temple in the pageant and then weare the ones who get to run it up stage and hold it up and attach it togetheruntil the men pull it up. It’s amazing. I can’t really express how I feel aboutit only that I am grateful to be a part of it. I had the opportunity to be oneof the runners who ran one of the panels up the stage to the men at the temple.Each night for a week I also had the opportunity to help take the panels downand fold them into the baskets. It was an almost sacred responsibility.

Thehealing scene was my most favorite to perform because I have a strong testimonyof the power of the priesthood. It has saved my life and I've received so manyblessings that have guided and blessed my life. I also have a strong testimonyof the power of the Atonement to heal the spirit and the body, emotionally,spiritually, and physically. It’s such a simple scene, but having apostles cometo my little group to check on how the sick one was doing and then to give hima blessing meant so much to me.

Theother scene that impressed me each night I performed it was the martyrdomscene. Each night I felt how much my ancestors LOVED the prophet Joseph Smithand his brother Hyrum. To see him go and then to see Emma standing all alone,crushed and sickened with grief, pain, and sorrow always hit me really hard.Immediately following that scene, Brigham Young steps forward, followed by theother apostles. I could never take my eyes off of him. I’d step forward andfeel the power of his words and how much faith those early saints had to haveto really believe him and move forward. He talks about how the death of theprophet would not stop the church from progressing. They will finish the templeand continue to grow and prosper. I felt so much gratitude for the truth ofwhat he said. There ARE living prophets on the earth today and it is soimportant for us to follow them with faith. When I bore witness of the prophetJoseph Smith and the prophets today to those I talked to before and after thepageant, I felt the power and authority of my calling to testify to them ofthose things.

Anotherthing that impressed me this year were the families I served with in the cast.They each welcomed me and served me as if I were a part of their families, too.I watched how they interacted with one another in kindness, love, and respectand it made me want to be a better sister, daughter, and eventually wife andmother. I know these families weren’t perfect, but they were trying and thatwas enough. “We who were many were becoming one.”

Thelast thing that I learned was that conversations are just as important asgetting referrals. I felt successful when I had meaningful conversations withindividuals or families and I testified to them or lifted them up in some way.I would always invite, and some would have friends or family to share thegospel with, but many didn’t, and it was okay. I kept talking to them anyway.Making those connections, bearing my testimony, and inviting them to look forsomething to learn from the pageant was just as important as encouraging themto share what they have with their friends or family. In fact, one of thethings I enjoyed the most this year was having those meaningful conversationswith other cast members. Last year I didn’t have so many opportunities to talkto and get to know the families and the core cast and so it was wonderfulexperiencing that this time.

I hope you have all enjoyed reading all these posts about my experience. I hope that each of you will make it a goal to experience the pageant for yourself by going to watch it or participate in it if you feel you should. All my pictures are in my gallery and some of the best ones are on facebook. Enjoy!

Home at Last

2011-07-19T08:51:00.000-06:00

By the end of my train ride, I was kind of wishing that I could have just apparated home, or at least said, "Accio Broom" and flown home. I got home 7 1/2 hours late. The main reason is because there is lots of freight traffic on the rails and they get first priority. They also had lightening strike a sensor that required precaution until they knew that is what happened. A part of the rail was misaligned, so they stopped us so they could fix that, too. It wasn't terrible, but because it is incredibly hard to sleep on the train without a nice pillow and blanket, it felt really long. I just needed to be more prepared with stuff to do on the way home especially. Overall, I'm just glad to be home.

Right now the thing on my mind the most right now is all those who are still doing the pageant. I know they still need my prayers and the prayers of others as they rehearse and perform these next two weeks. The heat and humidity are bad, but tiredness from long days on top of it make it worse. I know the Lord sustained me while I was there, but they can use all the help they can get. There are still many people who need to hear the message and testimony of the pageant and it's cast members.

Now my parents and little sister are here visiting as my sister has volleyball camp at BYU. I'm excited to spend time with them and especially excited to watch the last Harry Potter movie with them!

Farewell Nauvoo

2011-07-18T06:50:00.000-06:00

Goodbyes are always hard, but it's softened with the feeling that I will be back again sometime in the future. The last performance went well and just like I thought it would, really fast. I loved every minute of it. In the evening dance I got so excited that I raised my arm to do the highland fling too early, but I smiled and kept it raised until everyone else did it, too. I laughed about it because I knew what the director would say... I was going with how I was feeling and I was feeling really excited to do that part! He would have said it was still perfect. The best part about that is I got it on video to remember forever. I had a few good conversations and I got four referrals that night. I also finally thought of people I could refer, so I gave five referrals myself, for a total of nine.

After the performance and some missionary work, we all gathered to the stage for closing remarks and cast prayer. I will really miss the families and individuals I met this year. They were all amazing. I will post my remaining pictures soon on my gallery and facebook for all to enjoy.

Overall, I feel like I accomplished what I was sent to accomplish going to Nauvoo this time. I helped the people in the cast that needed me even though most of the time I didn't know I was helping them like I was. I feel like they were helping me more than anything!

I left Nauvoo after church and a couple last hours with the House family. I loved every minute of it. I then went with the Rose family to Burlington, IA for the train. It came 3 hours late and we've lost another 3 hours. I'm not really worried about it though because I don't have anything to go to that is time dependent like there was when I was going to Nauvoo. Hopefully my parents won't complain too much about picking me up at the train station in the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday. :D

Good news is that I surprisingly got some sleep on the train. Not much, but enough that I'm not as tired as I was yesterday.

Saturday Already?

2011-07-16T11:35:00.001-06:00

It's really hard to believe that it's already Saturday and tonight is my last performance. I feel like I could do this for the rest of the pageant if they'd let me. Alas, others have come to enjoy this opportunity and I want them to have it. I love my fellow cast members and core-cast. They have been such a great help and support for me. I have really felt so loved and watched over by Heavenly Father because of their great examples and influence. This experience has been so different than I expected, that it is hard to describe how I feel about it all. At the beginning I was asked what I wanted to accomplish and I said what I said last year and that was to be a missionary. My mission was a little different this time and it's hard to explain how except to have you read all my prior posts. I feel that I've learned what I've come here to learn and have been the kind of missionary I needed to be. Before I came here I felt that I was coming here for another cast member not necessarily a pageant visitor. I feel I probably won't know exactly all who I've influenced in the cast, but I must know that I have and that is enough. Maybe someday I will know who I helped and how. I hope so.

Last night we had a large youth conference group of Liberty, Missouri. It just so happens that one of my best friend Savannah's little brother Cameron was in that group so I talked to him before and after the pageant. He really impressed me when he said that his favorite parts were the beginning and the end. The end I understand, but the beginning? When I asked him why he said because it was so overwhelming. He said he was overwhelmed by the welcome that we gave to the audience. It was full of love and the Spirit. THAT is exactly the purpose of the beginning of the pageant, so it was a compliment to know that we achieved that purpose that night. We want the audience to feel welcome and feel how much we love them and are glad that they have come to hear "our" story.

I felt like the performance last night went very well, but WAY TOO FAST. I mean, it went by too fast. I was totally losing myself in doing it that before I knew it, it was over. I'm afraid that it will happen again tonight, but I will be glad, because that is how it should be. I will REJOICE my way through tonight's performance because I know that is what the early saints would want me to do. I'll be back to do it again.

Before the pageant I talked to one nonmember very briefly. The cross on her neck was a dead giveaway. I mostly talked to the youth in the youth conference and some of their leaders. I got a total of four referrals last night. After the pageant I talked with Cameron and some of his friends and then I talked to a guy about my age with his friend who is a recent convert to the church. I really enjoyed my conversation with them because it felt like I was summarizing some of my own thoughts and feelings about being in Nauvoo and experiencing the pageant. I realized last night that there are six things I've tended to bear testimony of with almost everyone I talked to before and after the pageant:
1. Joseph Smith being a prophet and how much the early saints loved him and I love him
2. That we have prophets on the earth today and just like the early saints immediately after Joseph's death, we can take that step of faith to listen to and follow and trust the prophet of the Lord who we have been blessed to have on the earth today.
3. The temple and Priesthood- the blessings it gave the saints as they left Nauvoo and the blessings I've received in my own life as I keep my covenants and live worthily.
4. Importance of Women and the Relief Society- their involvement in building the temple and Nauvoo and the great sacrifices and challenges they made to support their husbands and families. They created and had the support of the Relief Society that today still supports and helps me and everyone who is in need.
5. Families and unity- The pageant is centered around families and our desire to love and care for each other. Through out the pageant, families go first and that is how it should be where ever we are.
6. To non-members: Jesus Christ- He is the center of our faith. Everything we do on stage and off is us trying our very best to be like Him. We desire to become like him in our service and love for others.

When we are on stage, we are not just performing. I've probably said that a lot in the blog already, but I don't think anyone can really understand it until they've seen the pageant or the other show called "Our Story Goes On." The second show is a performance done only by the core-cast once a week and sometimes also for the family casts. I saw it when it was performed in Nauvoo and Keokuk, but yesterday it was performed for the Blue and Yellow cast families. I am so grateful that I went because it was incredible. It's hard to describe what happened in that performance except to say that the cast and the audience connected in a very personal way that was so powerful. That room was so full of love and it seemed like every song the cast sang told a piece of every audience member's "story," including mine. There is one song that is called "Proud of Your Boy" that really hit me this time, more than it usually does. Earlier this week at the end of a phone call with my mom, she said she was proud of me. It really hit me as I listened to my friend perform it with such emotion I've never seen before that I really wanted my Mom to be proud of me and I was so grateful to have her as my mother. The rest of the show was so powerful that trying to describe it doesn't do it justice. You had to be there.

To me, this is exactly why what I've been doing here is not just performing. There is SO MUCH MORE to being in the pageant than performing for an audience. We give our hearts and ourselves. We also feel the influence of those who we are representing on stage, more than anyone can really know. It truly is a sacred experience.

Last night I represented my ancestor Martha Brown Sanders and tonight I will represent Pheobe Wooster Child Richardson.

Two More Nights!

2011-07-15T08:19:00.002-06:00

It's hard to believe that I'm going home on Sunday. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's good that I am. I have learned many great things that will guide me in my future service in the pageant and in the church. I know I didn't write yesterday and that is because I needed a nap badly. The performance the night before was good. I felt only okay about it, but all the comments said that it was better than the night before. I didn't get any referrals that night but I talked to some interesting people.

Last night though... I felt like the show went amazingly. I forgot myself and gave of myself all that I could and it felt great. I know that last sentence probably doesn't make much sense, but it's the best way to describe what has to happen so that I perform and be what I need to be in order to really get the message across to the audience and fellow cast members. Forgetting myself is forgetting my worries and weaknesses and other stuff that comes with performing or relating to other people. Giving of myself is doing my very best and a little more to really put myself and all my talents, etc, into everything I'm doing, remembering that I don't have to be perfect. The show goes by so fast, especially when I feel like it's going well. I'm always more excited than nervous to go on stage and when it's all done, I always wish I could do something more.

Last night was Nauvoo Appreciation Night, so earlier in the day, the director and the president of the pageant both spoke on a radio station about the pageant and invited people to come. I spoke to a grandmother and her family who live in Quincy that heard that show and came. They are nonmembers. The grandma had been trying to look us up recently and had been waiting to hear something about us and then that morning she was listening to the radio and decided to come. I told her the church's real name and talked to her about the pageant and invited her to have a CD of the pageant. She didn't want it right then, but I could tell that she was interested in learning more about the church at her own pace. I brought over the newspaper that summarizes some of the things we believe that are taught in the pageant and her eyes got really big and excited. She and her family are Catholic and it just so happened that a Catholic priest gave the opening prayer that night. Kind of cool. I hope that she WILL "look us up" like she said she would, but who knows. I talked to another nonmember family from Keokuk. They weren't as open and also didn't want the CD, but it was nice to talk to them.

Time to go to the cast talent show!

Blue Cast Opening Night

2011-07-13T15:36:00.000-06:00

Last night went pretty well, although I was really not feeling great about my performance for most of the night. I realized I was trying way too hard and forgetting to just BE and have JOY because that is how the message is sent. It took me realizing that I'd forgotten that to make the last part of the pageant just as great as I felt at the rehearsal night, if not better. I had an amazing moment on stage during the scene after the martyrdom when Brigham Young steps up and talks to us about building the temple and that the work will continue. I truly felt that we were representing the FAITHFUL saints who, even after all the drama of losing their beloved the prophet Joseph, chose to follow him. It was amazing and can't really be described. Last night I represented my ancestor named Abigail Starbuck, which made that moment even more powerful to me because I remember that her husband died when they were only in Council Bluffs, IA. Tonight I will represent Annie Colpetzer, who also lived in Nauvoo.

This morning I went to Yellow cast rehearsal as a mentor to help them block some of the scenes. It was fun to be back and I realized how much I have learned in only a week. I also realized the importance of learning on our own, little by little. There is so much freedom of how to do things in this pageant. Not that it changes drastically every week, but each family adds a personal touch to scenes that no one can tell them how to act or do something without ruining what we are trying to portray in this pageant.

While I was doing that Sis. Davis brought me lunch! She is incredible. The Lord really is watching over me. She also took me to Ft. Madison train station this afternoon so that I could get my train ticket changed from leaving Ft. Madison to go home to leaving Burlington, IA. The family I met on the train is leaving from there, so they offered to take me with them, which means a lot less time on the train or in the station and more time in Nauvoo!

This afternoon I got a much needed 1 1/2 hour nap. That's a rarity in this city, it seems. It felt good. I then had time to check out some stores and places I've never been to before, such as Norbert's pineapple whip stand. It was very good and only 2 dollars. I also went to the antique store. That place is interesting! I talked to the owner and she said that from the time she was little she loved collecting antique things and eventually she got so much stuff she started up the store to sell it and to share her passion. In there I found a old picture of Nauvoo from above where you can see the Joseph Smith Academy. I just happen to be wearing that shirt today, so it was kind of cool. It got turn down years ago, so it really is an antique picture.

I'm excited to perform tonight. It's the coolest afternoon we've had all week. I'd be outside right now if it weren't that fact that I have to be within feet of the router at the hotel to get any internet. It so happens to be near the diner... hence the need for that creepy night the other day.

Last night I met a girl from Scotland, which was pretty cool because there is a Scottish theme in the pageant. I got one referral from her, but I didn't get any others last night. I had some good conversations after the pageant with some people though.

To Give More...

2011-07-11T23:39:00.001-06:00

"To give more than we had, we gave of ourselves.... As we gave of ourselves, we found that there is so much to give." Nauvoo Pageant Script

This in a small way expresses how I felt after the dress rehearsal tonight. Wow. I've never sweat so much in my life and never has sweating like that ever felt SO GOOD. Maybe because it was consecrated sweat... Really, I believe every one of us on stage tonight gave it our all and I hardly heard any complains about the sweat. Yeah, the other ladies and I commented on how we were lifting our dresses and moving them around to fan ourselves a little, but other than that, I only heard a couple people on stage say anything about it... we were so involved in portraying those who lived here. For those of you who have never been to Nauvoo or haven't seen the pageant, that may sound a bit cheesy, but it's not. They really are here and we feel them as we perform. I almost completely lost myself on stage tonight and it felt so good. Tonight I wanted to represent my ancestor Susannah Houston who was married to Benjamin Trotter Mitchell, who carved the first sunstone of the Navuoo temple.

Despite the little mishaps that happened, I feel great about the performance. The only thing I feel is that I can give MORE. The core-cast are such great examples of really trying to lose themselves on stage, so much that as we have small conversations, we are talking as if we were really those people in that scene, even though no one in the audience can hear us. It really makes a huge difference.

As I am thinking about tonight's performance, I have a hard time remembering things because I just feel like it wasn't me up there at all. The moments I remember are the moments I returned back to myself and was thinking too much about where I should be or what I should be doing instead of just BEING. I have never been a performer, but being on this stage feels like home. I wasn't even nervous to go on... I was excited. I really felt like I was bearing my testimony as I spoke the "language" of my mission.

Afterwards we had only a little bit of time to talk to people and I ended up talking to a family from Yellow cast who will be rehearsing this week. I surprised myself and some of the things I told them. Funny how one week here makes me an "expert" and really want to share some tips to help them make this experience the best it can be.

I want to give more and more and more... not just this week, but for years to come.

Day of Rest

2011-07-10T21:18:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in Hotel Nauvoo now in the dark dining area with elevator music going on. Not going to lie, it was a bit creepy for the first 7 minutes being here because not a soul was down here. Very creepy. Now there is a man at the front desk working. So, I had to change places where I am staying because my cousin and Aunt who I was staying with were with the Red Cast so they left today. I'm sad about that only because it means I won't be in the condos anymore. I really liked them. I loved being in the same place my district family was staying and also where all the core cast are staying. It really helped me to get to know them all better this past week. This afternoon when I was dropped off after church to check in here and I went to my room, I suddenly felt so lonely and a little depressed. I had no plans for today, it was super hot and humid outside and I didn't know where to find any other cast members around to do something with and chances are I couldn't get a hold of them even if I could because the cell reception is lousy (except for verizon).

Fortunately, I did get Conner's number and when the reception let him get my text, I was able to get a hold of Br. House to meet up with him. That was also important because I forgot my food in their car and I was starving! I am grateful I could spend the afternoon/evening with them. We drove around Nauvoo flats and walked a little too. We then went to the school for dinner and then headed for Keokuk, Iowa for the core cast's performance of Our Story Goes On. I've seen it before, but I absolutely love it! They do such a great job and the message of the show is so touching. I love watching the core-cast, on and off stage. They are each amazing individuals with such great talents on stage but also in communicating with others in such a way that makes you feel good about yourself and excited for the gospel. I want to be like them when I grow up. :D

Last night's performance when well. I got two referrals and talked to people, but it wasn't my best night. I'm super excited for tomorrow! We will rehearse the whole thing in the morning and do a dress rehearsal tomorrow night and then that's it! We are not the experts and the Yellow Cast is watching us to know what to do next week. Crazy. This pageant is really a miracle how it all is put together. It's amazing and I love it!

I just posted pictures from this week: gallery.me.com/shell_belle

Rehearsal Full Run Through!

2011-07-09T12:13:00.002-06:00

This morning we finally ran the whole show without stopping. It was nice to do that since we've only rehearsed scenes and haven't worked on transitions or order. It went very well. I know the dances and where I'm supposed to be on stage and when. I'm really loving this! On Monday we have a full run through and then dress rehearsal and then that's it! It's crazy, but I know that we will do great. It's amazing how we can only rehearse for one week and pull together an hour and a half show that affects the heart of those who watch it to such a great degree. The Lord is truly blessing us. Another way He's blessing us is that it hasn't rained. We've had clear skies, even when the forecast said a full week of thunderstorms. I hope and pray that it will continue next week when we perform!!!

The Red cast (performing this week) are all really sad because tonight is their last performance and tomorrow they leave. I know I will be the same way next week, although, I already have a feeling that I'll be back in some way next year. I don't think I can ever stay away from Nauvoo for very long. I will post pictures I've taken this week tomorrow on my MobileMe.

Moving with JOY

2011-07-08T12:06:00.000-06:00

Rehearsals are going well. We've learned all the scenes and not it's time to practice, practice, practice. This morning we worked on the opening scene and "moving with JOY." In one of our meetings we were taught that since we have a unique mission here, our mission language is unique, too. Our mission language is MOVEMENT. That may sound strange unless you've seen the pageant. The stage is huge with a large slant. In order for the audience to really see what we're doing and trying to express, all of our movements need to be big, purposeful, and enthusiastic. We practiced by watching each other and it was interesting to see how hard it is. We really are all learning a new language. I am loving it though! Over exaggerating everything and interacting with others while moving my whole body making angles and different levels is hard, and on top of that smiling and singing, is tough, but I know that it really does communicate so much to the audience. One of the stage managers quoted a line from Preach My Gospel that basically says when you stretch yourself in learning a new language, you allow the spirit to have a greater chance to touch the hearts of those who are listening (with their eyes). That is not exact, but it really hit me that my movement on stage is a language and moving with joy can bring the spirit to testify to those who are watching. It's exhausting, but very fulfilling to rehearse and perform. I am so grateful for this opportunity.

Relief Society

2011-07-07T16:36:00.001-06:00

I have about 30 minutes before tonight's missionary meeting and then the 3rd night of fun begins! This morning's rehearsal was intense. We blocked (practiced) the last 20 minutes of the pageant, which consists of 4 or 5 scenes. They happen pretty quickly, enough that when we rehearsed them, we went through all of them. One of the first scenes we blocked was the organization of the Relief Society. Most of you probably know that the Relief Society was organized in Nauvoo after the women wanted to do something to help the men who were working so hard to build the temple and they could see that they needed help. Joseph Smith took their idea and expanded it, "turn[ing] the key on behalf of women." I was selected to be a part of that scene, which made me very excited. After practicing it, all of us in the scene and one of the stage managers sat down to discuss what Relief Society means to us. It was a great discussion. I love Relief Socity and the sisterhood, friendship, and support it provides for me. Visiting teaching and other activities help us to become the women God wants us to be--with the skills, talents, etc that we need to accomplish our work on the earth.

The manager then told us that in the pageant music, there is a Relief Society theme that is repeated throughout the score. It starts in the welcoming scene with the "whistling boys" whistling the tune. She pointed out that it is also the "Praise to the Man" piece. I never noticed it before, but the relief society theme is played slowly by trumpets while we are singing Praise to the Man. This may not seem very significant, but it is. When we are singing praise to the man, all the Relief Society sisters form lines in the center of the stage and hold their arms out as the panels that make up the temple are ran up to the top of the stage where the men connect it and pull it up. I was chosen to be one of the 5 runners!!! I have the opportunity to be the one who holds the panel like a cape and run up stage and then hurry to put all the clips together between the panels and double check to make sure everything is in place before it goes up. We put the temple up in under 2 minutes, so everything happens very quickly.

I feel it a privilege to be a part of that scene and play such an important role in it because I feel like I am really like the one of the women who once lived here in Nauvoo. Although history books don't say much about the women who lived in Nauvoo, they did so much to make it so the men could go on missions and do what was needed to build up the church. The women were the backbone to the temple even being built, in a way, because they were willing to sacrifice their processions so that there would be money and the very best things provided for the temple. They took care of the men (sewing shirts, providing food, etc) so that they could build the temple. So, to have the women being the ones holding up the panels and getting it ready like that as the men pull it up, is a very powerful way to honor those women. I wish I could put what I am thinking and feeling about it into words better. I just love that the Relief Society theme runs throughout the pageant. To me it is a way of appreciating all those women and how much they really did (and do) contribute to the church. Some people think that the LDS church doesn't treat women as equals or allow them all the opportunities that men have, but, to me, this is evidence that that is NOT the case at all. They just don't understand that women have been given special gifts and sensitivities and other abilities that we use in other ways to build up the kingdom of God. The women of Nauvoo were not just caring for their kids. They worked hard building houses themselves and taking care of everything from planting food in the gardens to serving or entertaining others outside of their families. I really admire those women and I am very grateful I can portray them on stage.

PS Keep praying that it won't rain on us when we perform at night! So far the weather has been great! It was super hot yesterday, but gatorade has become my best friend, so I hope not to get dehydrated like last night. Today was A LOT cooler, so I should be fine. Plus, I got 7 1/2 hours of sleep, which is pretty amazing when you consider how long my days are! Normally I only get about 6!

Conversations & Referrals

2011-07-07T13:00:00.000-06:00

I have to keep this brief because I only have 15 minutes until my next rehearsal, which I am afraid with all that I want to so will not do these things justice.

Last night was another great night. I only got one referral, but I realized, even more so after talking to other people about my thoughts, that quality conversation is just as important as getting referrals. Connecting to the pageant visitors as people is a very important part of missionary work. After talking to a member of core cast about it, he suggested that I can have quality conversations that involve us working together to help them think of people they could refer. A large part of that is being enthusiastic about the gospel and whatever efforts they make to share it with their friends and family without being overbearing. I am going to try his ideas tonight and see how it goes.

Last night I had another amazing experience talking to people at rag tying. This time it was toward the beginning of the fair when I saw two a little bit older ladies sitting on the benches we have at our station. They didn't want to participate, so I just started talking to them. Eventually it came out that they were both not members. I don't remember everything I said, but I felt prompted to ask them if they had any questions. Immediately, one of the women asked me, "Who do you believe Jesus Christ is? Is is just a prophet?" Wow. Fortunately, I didn't take too long to digest such a great question. I immediately began telling her who Jesus Christ is to me: my Savior and Redeemer, that without Him, I couldn't live with God again.... etc. I said things clearer than I thought I would under such circumstance. I talked about the atonement, life after death, and repentance. The whole time I felt that they were genuinely listening. As I talked with them, I showed them the pageant newspaper that has a section that briefly describes some of the gospel doctrines and principles that are talked about in the pageant. I gave them the free picture of Christ, which they accepted, and then told them about the pageant CD they could have. They probably would have referred themselves had I not told them, as I am supposed to do, that missionaries would bring the CD by. I told them that it is like me coming to their house and giving it to them, which lessened the hardness they they had, but it wasn't enough for them to fill out the card. However, as we continued to talk, I gave them the card and said that as they watch the pageant and listen to the music, they can decide if they want the soundtrack and then give it to a cast member. I hope that they did, but I won't ever know.

I had another good conversation with a girl about my age where when her family came up to her she said I was her new friend. We all talked for a while and it was very good... but once again, no referrals. I am hoping that with things that my core cast friend told me, I might be able to have conversations like that and be better at encouraging them for referrals.

This morning I had an amazing rehearsal where we basically blocked out the entire last twenty minutes of the pageant. It was incredible. I hope my next post will be soon because I learned so many things, especially about the women of Nauvoo and their importance in building the temple.

Opening Night

2011-07-06T12:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was our first full day of rehearsing and opening night of the pageant. We rehearsed at the school and learned one whole dance and half of another. It was a lot of fun, especially since we were indoors and not in the humidity! The days are really long, so it's often hard for me to remember everything that we do!

In the morning we were taught how to do our stations at the Frontier Country Fair that happens for the hour and a half before the pageant begins. I'm at the rag tying station where we make a carpet out of rags. It's pretty easy, but it takes some time to get the carpet started. We have set up a bunch of benches that that people can come up and we can sit down to teach them how to do it. It is a great way to have extended conversations with people. I only work the station this week and next week I will be going around talking to people at this time.

One thing that I am loving about being in family cast is that I have so many opportunities to talk to other people in the cast--particularly the adults and the core cast. Yesterday at lunch I sat and talked to another cast member (Sis. Clark) for over an hour about lots of different things. We have a little down time after lunch and before afternoon rehearsal so that's why I can do this and how come I could talk to her for so long.

Yesterday afternoon we learned more stuff. I honestly don't remember... it's too long ago already! But by the time we were done it was dinner time and we weren't very hungry, but we ate anyway because we'd not be able to eat again later. I got dressed in my "light" costume and then headed to the missionary meeting. I have a light and a dark costume because we start out in dark and gradually the whole cast changes to wearing all light costumes to make a really cool effect on stage. This week I am in the finale scene, so we all wear the light costumes.

Last night I got a total of 5 referrals. I got one referral the other day before the rehearsal, so I have a total of 6 referrals. I've realized though that as much as we want referrals, the most important and most effective work I do is me talking to people in meaningful conversations. I love the rag tying activity I'm doing because it give me just that opportunity. Last night I talked to a girl named Tanah who is only 13 years old. She and her mom came not knowing that the pageant was even going on. They have gone around to different church history sites, ending here. She and I talked for over an hour as I taught her how to make the rag rug. I ended up getting two referrals from her, but that wasn't what made the interaction meaningful. I answered her questions and helped her with some things that she's trying to do to help her beehive girls that she is over. I challenged her to watch the pageant through her non-member/less-active friends eyes. After the pageant was over, she told me the impressions she had and what she thinks she needs to do. It was a really sweet experience.

After the pageant ended, I went out with my "companion" Carsten to talk to people. We got 2 referrals and had some good conversations.

This morning we got up early and started rehearsing the first scenes of the pageant. It goes really fast, but we were all able to keep up. The director and stage managers are really good teachers and know our limitations. The major limitation definitely is the heat and humidity. We all are chugging down water trying to prevent getting dehydrated. I drank 2 water bottles in an hour and I still could feel the effects of it a little. I'm in the opening welcome scene. I am one of the "established saints" that welcomes in the converts from England. It just so happens that my "husband" or dance partner in a later scene is one of the ones arriving, so I joked about that this morning with the people around me. I am then in the healing scene. That is one of my most favorite scenes. I'm with my district, which is divided between two blankets. I'm a mom in that one. We are one of the last ones to have the apostles come around to heal.

I forgot to mention that yesterday when we practiced the dance scene, they chose who was going to be Mary Fielding Smith... and it wasn't me. At first I was a bit disappointed, but then I remembered what another cast member said on Monday about how each of us is representing someone who lived in Nauvoo even if we don't know what their names are. I decided that I will represent my ancestors. I have many ancestors that lived in Nauvoo and I have their names. So, each night I will pick one of them to represent. Last night I was Pheobe Wooster Child, wife of Ebenezer Clawson Richardson, who did a lot here when he was here. Tonight I will be Lowly Foote, wife of Josiah Richardson. I will most likely repeat names because I can. :D

Now I'm going to music rehearsal! I already know all the songs, so it will be pretty easy. It will be indoors, which is awesome. Then it's dinner and the pageant!!

Picture Perfect

2011-07-04T17:32:00.000-06:00

Guess what? I can now post from the condo I'm staying at, so there will be more frequent posts on here. First of all, I'm sure you've all been dying to see pictures, so click on the link below to see all the pictures I've taken. Check back every so often to see more as I post them.

gallery.me.com/shell_belle

In the next half an hour I'll be going to meet with my district. This afternoon we had a little free time so I actually already met the family that is in my district. It is the House family. There are three boys and one girl and they are all pretty cool. All the kids' names start with "C"-Christian, Conner, Cresten (or something like that), and Callie. I talked with Sis. House, Sis. Rose and another woman from Canada for a while before and during dinner while the older teenagers and men learned how to put up and down the buildings and the temple on stage. I really enjoyed it. At the district meeting tonight I will learn what parts I'm playing on stage, so I'm excited about that. After that the Red Cast will do a dress rehearsal and we will go on for the finale, although not dressed in costume. Some people come to watch the pageant tonight, so I'm excited to start talking to people.

I learned today that the reason why we have bagpipers on the pageant grounds is because it contributes to the Scottish theme of the pageant. There is a story in the pageant about a Scottish immigrant who learns about the church and eventually joins it. The bagpipes are to help draw things together and prepare people for that part of the pageant. Interesting.

Success!

2011-07-04T12:01:00.001-06:00

Some of you who are not facebook friends with me may be wondering why I haven't posted anything on here since I arrived in Nauvoo. It turns out that the condos where I am staying is having problems with their server blocking random sites... my blog included. Google is also blocked. Anyway, so I've been posting updates in facebook in my notes. I haven't posted pictures yet, but I may do that tonight.

Today is the first day meeting everyone in the Blue Cast. Blue cast is everyone that will be here for the next two weeks. The first week is full of rehearsing and working the preshow fair and then second week we will perform. The opening night of pageant is tomorrow night! I'm very excited. Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to Carthage with the Rose family. I posted my feelings about it on facebook, so check it out there.

Something else I was thinking a lot about yesterday is my being set a part as a special representative of the church for the duration of the pageant. When I was set a part, the bishop specifically said he gave me the authority that comes with my calling. In Preach My Gospel chapter one there is a section that talks about the power and authority given to missionaries and how that is a great part of my success. I am grateful for that blessing and I've already felt it's power since I've been here.

Today we just had our getting to know you activities as a cast. We played team building games and learned a dance and it was a lot of fun. We got the basic introduction to what we will be doing, although we will be doing more of that later this afternoon. Because I did it last year, it's all a review to me, so that's nice.

The best part of this morning was getting my costume!! I am in the Hyrum Smith district and my color is blue. I will meet the rest of my district later this afternoon. My dress is all one piece, which isn't common because usually it's two pieces attached at the waist with velcro. I have two dresses, a dark and light, to wear and change in the middle of the pageant. I also got a bonnet and a shawl to wear. I don't know what parts I will be in yet. I will learn that later today. Tonight we will have a rehearsal then tomorrow is the big day!

I'm staying in the Nauvoo Condos this week and next week I will be in Hotel Nauvoo.I'm staying with my cousin and great aunt who are in the Red Cast doing family support, which is what I did last year.

Still in Colorado...

2011-07-01T19:29:00.001-06:00

So, I’m on a slow moving train to… Galesburg, IL. I’ve been through more than 43 tunnels, and we are not even to Denver yet. Not going to lie, 12 hours on a train is a VERY LONG TIME and the best (or worst) part is that I’m probably less than half way there.

This is my first train ride and I actually really am enjoying it. It’s different than any other kind of travel I’ve done. The only down side right now is how long it is and how I find myself getting tired and just falling asleep just because I have nothing else to do. I already know a few things I would do differently if I ever do this trip again (like bring a blanket and a pillow and REAL food to eat, not just trail mix and stuff like that).

There are many things that I really like about the train:

Large windows to look out at the scenery (which is beautiful)—even a train car called the “observation car” where you can sit looking directly out the window or at a table to play cards, etc and enjoy the views. Only downside to that car is it gets really hot in the sun. The windows have curtains in the normal cars to block the sun when needed.
Gigantic amount of leg room
Seats large enough that you don’t feel like the person next to you is sitting (or sleeping) on you.
Seats recline pretty far back and have two different kinds of leg rests.
Each row of seats have two plugs to plug in computers, phones, or whatever
You can walk around the train while it’s going (which is trippy) and go from car to car. I’m in the last car, so I’m three cars from the observation car and four cars from the dining car.
People on the train are nice and interesting… in a good way, not a creepy way.

I’ve been through the longest tunnel—6 miles long. It takes about 12 minutes to get through so they don’t let people pass between cars so as to not let the carbon from the freight trains into our train.

I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, but I managed to get a little bit of sleep, so I feel alright right now. My train was supposed to leave at 4:35 AM, but it was delayed because of snow in the mountains, so the train didn’t come until about 45 minutes later. My friend Laura didn’t stay at the station to wait with me, but it was just fine because there were some nice people there, including a guy who is going to be a part of the Nauvoo Pageant in Blue Cast just like me! I enjoyed talking to everyone. I even gave one of the Nauvoo Pageant pamphlets to a woman who said she will go next summer.

Most of the scenery has been of the Colorado River. Because of the snowmelt, the river is flooding really bad. This train, in fact, didn’t run yesterday because of the flooding. The rail is right next to the river in many parts. I’m hoping that my train will run tomorrow since I’ve heard many trains that go through Iowa have not been running because of flooding. So, we will see.

Whenever we were by the river, people who were river rafting and canoeing would wave at us… or moon us. I guess that is a tradition of sorts. I fortunately only saw it happen once.

There are a few scheduled longer stops where we are allowed to get off the train to stretch and get some fresh air. On the first stop like this, I met the guy’s (whose name is Jeff) parents. They are the Roses. They have a portable wireless internet device, which is what is allowing me to make this update while on the train. Yipee! I’m getting off before they are because I am going to Ft. Madison and they are going to Burlington, IA. If they don’t have any problems, they will get there way before me because they are getting a rental car and won’t have the lay-over that I do. Oh well. Next time, whenever that is, I will plan my train trip a little differently. :D

Word to the wise—when you go on a train trip that you know will be long, bring something to do… Fortunately I brought a couple of books, but even those don’t last because I get sleepy reading them. Some people brought games like Uno to play or are playing games on their computers. Also, unless you want to pay 6.75 for a half of a 5 dollar Subway sandwhich or the like, don't buy the food on the train. Just saying..

Alright! We made it to Denver for a 30 minute break, but we have to wait for them to "park" the train in the station before we can get off. And then on the road… I mean, rails, again!

Below are a couple pictures I took on my phone. I have really cool pictures, but they are on my camera and will have to wait until later to be posted!

The Observation car

Train at Grand Junction, CO

Why am I Cleaning?

2011-06-29T22:17:00.006-06:00

Why am I cleaning when I am about to leave for two weeks? Well, the only reason I can think of is that it feels good. Another reason may be because when I get back from UT, my parents and little sister will be visiting. Funny how when my other two siblings came, I didn't care what it looked like, but I do care when my parents are coming! Part of it, too, is that I finally feel financially secure enough to make the basement look a little more homey. I FINALLY hug up pictures in my room and that was a great improvement! (And, FYI, I also got a new camera). With the help of Kevin and Alejandra, I finally got stuff so I can hang towels in the bathroom and not have to reach back to get the toilet paper (because who wants to do that?). I guess it comes down to that I want everything to look nice, whether or not my parents are coming. Maybe it will show them that I really am a big girl and can take care of my own place, not that they don't already know that. It makes me feel like this is really becoming my home. It just feels good, really good.

So, tomorrow is the day to get everything together and packed. Tomorrow night I will be set apart by the bishop as "a special representative of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for the duration of the pageant." I'm staying with a friend in Provo tomorrow night and she will take me very early in the morning to catch the train to Nauvoo. I leave about 4:35 AM on Friday and I have a "lay-over of sorts in Galesburg, IL. From there I will got to Ft. Madison, IA where someone will pick me up. I won't arrive in Nauvoo until about 7:15 PM on SATURDAY. Yeah, that is a VERY long train ride, but I'm excited for it all!

Nauvoo Temple Panels for the Pageant

2011-06-24T09:51:00.000-06:00

Here is an article about the sewing of the panels that are raised up to make the Nauvoo Temple during the pageant.

This is what they look like:

This is one of the most powerful scenes in the pageant. Most everyone I talked to after the pageant mentioned this scene, so it makes the learning about the sacrifices and efforts those sisters made to make the panels even more meaningful. I hope someday they can see the pageant, too.

"The Nauvoo Temple: One Stitch at a Time"
Ensign, Mar 2006, 51-53 by Karol Jean Kasteler Miller

Late in April 2005, I received a phone call from a friend at Church headquarters, asking if I would like to do a big project: design and sew a 25-by-40-foot fabric representation of the front of the original Nauvoo Temple. It would be used in a new Nauvoo pageant. It was an exciting challenge for which I would use an architectural drawing of the temple as my guide. The deadline to finish the project was in six weeks.

Using the blessing of e-mail, I gathered help from women in my family, lifelong friends, and various stake and ward members. They included local Chinese, Laotian, and Thai sisters. My family garage served as our workshop.

Eighty women helped sew, embroider, crochet, and cross-stitch the panels over 30 days and nights. Ten women sewed the temple tower over the next 10 days and nights. Many supportive family members also helped at home.

Sometimes sisters would clutch their sewing bags and say, "I just don't want to go. Can I come back tomorrow?" The sisters felt an urgency to complete the sewing so our temple would be built by the deadline. We had one goal in mind-completing the temple in time.

We felt a connection with the building of the original Nauvoo Temple and the early sisters in Nauvoo. As we sewed, we reflected on their tremendous sacrifices. We sensed that we understood in some small way the feelings of those pioneer sisters as they labored hard to assist in completing their temple. We pushed harder.

We felt creative blessings multiply as the project progressed. I was blessed with good health and amazing strength, despite getting very limited sleep during those six weeks. Countless sweet and powerful prayers were offered. We met our goals with grateful hearts. I believe all of us who participated understand more now about consecrating time and talents to the building of the kingdom here on earth, and so much more of the magnitude of the Prophet Joseph Smith's vision.

Temple Panels - Additional Details
by Wendi Fredrickson - 2005 Yellow Cast member of the New Nauvoo Pageant
Presented at a Relief Society Enrichment Meeting in Provo Utah in March 2006
From interview of Kathryn Hayes of Salt Lake City, UT who worked on the Temple Panels
Used by permission from the author
● The pageant committee wanted this to be a group project just like the early sisters working on the first Nauvoo Temple. The sisters that sewed on the panels were careful to put intricate details in the panels to inspire the cast members. Most of the 80 women who worked on the panels never saw the pageant.
● Karol Jean Miller's garage was brand-new and Br. Miller was excited to use it and put his cars in it (which he didn't get to do for a long time). He wasn't too excited about the garage being used as a sewing workshop. Then he was called away on a business trip for 3 weeks and Karol Jean took advantage of him being gone and used the garage anyway. She put sheets on the floor to protect the temple fabric from dust. In the garage was a loft. In the loft Karol Jean put big pieces of butcher paper on the floor. When the first Temple panel was finished, she laid it out on the paper and traced everything. They used this pattern for each of the other 4 panels. They had 4 sewing machines in the garage.
● When the sisters met together for the first time, they came fasting and praying. They had never made scenery before and didn't know how to do it. Everyday they would pray that they would make no mistakes because they didn't have time to pick out their mistakes. The sisters were inspired everyday with how they were to do each of their tasks. They made very few mistakes and almost never had to pick out stitching. Often, one sister would start on one side of a panel and another sister would start on the other. Miraculously, they would meet in the middle perfectly. They were able to finish in the time given them. "Please let us sew smart," they would pray.
● The month they started working on the panels, it was raining almost everyday. They needed to lay the panels out and see how they would fit together, but the only place big enough to do this was in the yard. The sisters prayed that the rain would stop so they could finish their work. The rain stopped for the 10 days they sewed and pieced the panels together. They lay the panels on the dry lawn and this was the first, and only time for many of them, to see the panels together. After they were finished and had put the panels away, the rain started up again.
● Some of the sisters that came were Laotian, Thai, and Chinese. Many of these sisters spoke very little English and couldn't possibly understand the instructions. However, the Spirit spoke to their hearts and they did beautiful needlework and were able to do everything they needed to do with wonderful results.
● 80 sisters worked on the panel. Most of the sisters could only come to work for 1, 2, or 3 hours at a time. This meant that sometimes several sisters would work on the same piece. Most times there was no overlapping of work on the same spots, but each of these sisters was able to pick up where the other left off, even if no instruction was given, as if they had been working on the piece the entire time.
● Karol Jean worked hard for 6 weeks on this project and knew that it needed to be done on time. She had very little sleep each night; and sometimes she would stay up all night working on the project. When she did allow herself to be sent to bed by the other sisters, Karol Jean would pray that if she could just get 4 hours of sleep, she would be sustained and able to continue working. She was able to continue as if she had a full night's sleep. Other sisters would ask her how she was able to hold up so long with so little sleep and Karol Jean attributed it to blessings from Heavenly Father.

● While they were working on the panels the sisters felt a connection with the early sisters in Nauvoo. They pondered on the many trials these women faced while helping to build the first Nauvoo Temple. This connection continued with the cast members who felt the love and tears of the sisters who sewed the panels. As we held and looked at the panels and saw the names of the sisters sewed on them we were amazed at it. When each of the sisters on stage held hands and the Temple panels were passed over them, we felt that we too had a part in completing what these sisters started. Then as the Temple was finished and the final piece was in place the audience felt the connection and cheered for all the hard work everyone did both during the play and in Nauvoo's past. Real tears were shed as we left the stage and "Our Temple".

Extra Credit:
For those of you who actually read the whole thing, here is the quote by President Hinckley that is played in the final scene of the pageant:

Today, facing west, on the high bluff overlooking the city of Nauvoo, thence across the Mississippi, and over the plains of Iowa, there stands Joseph’s temple, a magnificent house of God. Here in the Salt Lake Valley, facing east to that beautiful temple in Nauvoo, stands Brigham’s temple, the Salt Lake Temple. They look toward one another as bookends between which there are volumes that speak of the suffering, the sorrow, the sacrifice, even the deaths of thousands who made the long journey from the Mississippi River to the valley of the Great Salt Lake.
President Hinckely, "Oh That I Were An Angel, and Could Have The Wish of Mine Heart," Ensign, Nov. 2002

Cup Overflowing

2011-06-23T01:50:00.000-06:00

I am feeling very grateful and indebted to my Heavenly Father right now. My cup of blessings is truly overflowing. I was thinking about possibly buying a new camera before going to Nauvoo, so after doing some research, I decided that it would probably be a good idea to look at my money situation to see if I can actually afford such an expense. After estimating the remaining cost of the Nauvoo Pageant as well as my car payment, car insurance, and other expenses that I know of, plus some extra, I realized that I would still have half of the money that I have currently after all is said and done. I was dumbfounded... and greatly humbled. To think that I spent all my savings on my new car's down payment last December and since then have not been able to put much back into my savings, it's incredible! I can list some of the blessings that I received that made that possible, but I will just say that I KNOW that God provides the way when it seems impossible, especially when what we are doing or desire to do is a righteous desire or for our good. "Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven." (Praise to the Man, Hymns 27)

Here is a song that sums up some of the thoughts and feelings I'm having:

My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy's sake,
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death
His presence is my stay;
One word of His supporting grace
Drives all my fears away.
His hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
His oil anoints my head.
The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

P.S. Even though I probably can afford one, I'm not getting the new camera yet. I have a feeling I may need that money for something else or something better. We shall see...

Two More Weeks!

2011-06-19T23:40:00.003-06:00

Just two more weeks and I will be in Nauvoo and a part of the Nauvoo Pageant again!! I am very excited to be a missionary again this summer. It is a dream come true in more ways than one! The closer it gets, the more I feel that this will be another amazing experience for me. I am humbled that I was accepted to be a part of the cast this year. I feel that, like last year, I was only accepted because someone that will be there will need me there. If it is at all like last year, I will probably meet someone there that I need, too. Just sitting here thinking about it gets me emotional. I love Nauvoo. I never thought that I would ever have the opportunity to go to Nauvoo so many times (this will be my fifth time). Each time I've gone, I've had a distinct purpose for being there, and usually it involved being there for others. It's the same way for everyone that comes to Nauvoo, I think. It was amazing to hear the stories of pageant cast members and pageant audience members of how they came to be in Nauvoo at that moment. Often it was by the inspiration of the spirit and through much sacrifice. These past two years have taught me much about faith and sacrifice. It's funny how great experiences are often prefaced with great adversity. Okay, it's not so funny, but I can honestly say that it's worth it. I'm still going through the hard times, but I can already see a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Being reminded this weekend of the feelings I had being a part of the pageant last year and reminded of the things I learned from that experience have really boosted my spirits and given me greater hope and strength to keep moving forward with faith just like the early saints did. Nauvoo has and always will have a special place in my heart. "Nothing can erase what Nauvoo has given us." It's very true. It is a sacred place to me because of the sacred-like experiences there have refined my character over and over again. It's just so hard for me to believe that I will be going there again to have another experience. I hope I am prepared. I want to serve and perform and testify with all my heart and hopefully I will touch the life of at least one person while I am there this time. I'm not going there for me, I'm going there for someone else. Every sacrifice is worth it to feel the way I do about Nauvoo and all that it and all the people who once lived there have taught me. I am grateful that Heavenly Father has blessed me so much so far in my life and I know He is watching out for me and will continue to bless me.

Click the link before to see the official invitation to the pageant this summer and the 10 minute preview of the pageant. And if you haven't already, write it down somewhere that you will go to Nauvoo in the near future. I recommend you go to see that pageant. :D

http://www.invite.nauvoopageant.net/2011/Invitations/2011_Blue/Kelly.htm

Epic Week

2011-06-12T10:35:00.001-06:00

This week is going to be great and here is why:
1. My brother Kevin and his wife have come to help me make needed improvements in the basement.
2. My brother Steven, his wife, and my nephew didn't want to miss out on the fun, so they decided to come up as well.
3. Strawberry Days is happening in Pleasant Grove, meaning fresh strawberries, free swimming, and (best of all) my very first RODEO!
4. My friend Laura is coming to the Rodeo with me (and Kevin and his wife) to help us get the most out of it.
5. Going on a hike with my siblings.
6. Getting books and stuff with my sister-in-law Ale
7. Going to the new ward and a new institute
8. I'm getting paid, even though I ended work last week.
9. I might actually get my room set up after already living here for 2 months!
10. Did I already mention that half of my family is in town? Oh yeah, they are!

The Orange in Me

2011-06-04T12:16:00.002-06:00

Recently my work had each of it's employee fill out a personality survey that they would use during the closing social. The closing social was yesterday and it was a lot of fun. It's funny how I feel like I understand myself a little better after all of this. Let me explain. There are four colors: gold, blue, green, and orange, that represent four different personality characteristics. After we found out what color we each were, they gave us a huge packet that explained all of these in detail and how they interact.

When I arrived at the social, I had to look for my name at the picnic tables that were covered with colored construction paper. I found my name at the blue table. I then found my co-teacher's name on the same table, which I very much expected because we are so much alike... which I will prove later. I then received a small blue card with all the colors and percentages that say how much I am of each of those colors. Here's how mine turned out:
Orange: 18%
Gold: 30%
Blue: 36%
Green 16%

Most of the employees were gold (70+), then blue (40+), then orange (20+), then green (10).

My co-teacher (named Laura) was exactly the same as mine except Orange was 14% and Gold was 34%. We weren't that surprised and it makes perfect sense to me.

Here is what it means to be Blue: (I wish I could copy and paste here, but here it goes)

I need to feel unique and authentic (enthusiastic, sympathetic, personal)
I look for meaning and significance in my life (warm, communicative, compassionate)
I need to contribute, to encourage, and to care (idealistic, spiritual, sincere)
I am a natural romantic, a poet, and a nurturer

Joys: Romance, hugs, acceptance, helping others, sharing
Needs: Understanding, security, sensitivity, support
Strengths: Communication, optimism, compassion, giving
Frustrations: Disharmony, injustice, conflict, disorder
Values: Honesty, friendship, trust, faith, empathy

Blues are intuitive feeling people and above all, must be authentic.
Words and phrases that describe them:
Search for self, purpose in life is to have a purpose in life, strive to be in harmony with inner self, making a difference in the world, devoted to relationships, spiritual, romanticize their experiences, interested in people watching, sees possibilities in people, cultivates potential in others, sensitive emotional, affectionate, eternal commitment to love, warm, caring, compassionate, romantic, creative, likes to please, affirming, expressive, caretaker, idealistic, empathetic

Others may see Blues as over-emotional, too trusting, mushy, smothering, hopelessly naive, talks too much, easily duped, flaky, aloof

I know this post is forever long, but I'm enjoying this....

Now for Gold (Here you will see how I am a lot like Gold, too):
I follow the rules and respect authority (loyal, dependable, prepared)
I have a sense of what is right and what is wrong in life (thorough, sensible, punctual)
I need to be useful and to belong (faithful, stable, organized)
I value home, family, and tradition (caring, concerned, concrete)
I am a natural preserver, a good citizen, and helpful.

Joys: Home, order, tidy, organized, achievement
Needs: Stability, consistency, order, respect
Strengths: loyal, structured, reliable, responsible
Frustrations: inefficiency, slobs, procrastinators, change, lack of control
Values: punctuality, family, quality, honesty

Golds are sensory judging people and above all, they must be of service.

Words and phrases that best describe Golds:
Useful, no free loaders, strong work ethic, parental attitude, compelled to be bound and obligated, should be rules, be prepared, list maker, responsible, organized, detail oriented, hates wasting time, right and wrong, commitments, questions change, traditional, dependable, punctual, schedules, predictable, loves to plan, service oriented, values family traditions, helpful and trustworthy, conservative and stable, never breaks speed limit, strives for sense of security, there is a right way to do everything, strong belief in policies, procedures, rules, tends to be left-brained and analytical, value order and the status quo, firm, decisive, realistic, executive type, stubborn, opinionated, uptight, limited, controlling, judgmental.

I definitely feel like I am more Blue than Gold, but Gold sure identifies me in a lot of ways, too!

Now for Orange. Oranges and Blues don't get along very well and Gold and Oranges are even worse. It wasn't surprising to me to find out that certain people I've worked with were oranges... However, I do have bits and pieces of orange attributes, which inspired the title of my current post. Now that I've aroused your curiosity, here is the description of orange. The items in bold I think describe me.

Orange:
I act on a moment's notice (witty, charming, spontaneous)
I consider life a game, here and now
I need fun, variety, stimulation, and excitement (optimistic, eager, bold)
I value skill, resourcefulness, and courage (physical, immediate, fraternal)
I am a natural troubleshooter, a performer, a competitor.

Joys: people, adventure, thrills, life, success
Needs: freedom, expression, challenge, stimulation
Strengths: independence, humor, adaptable, leaders
Frustrations: interruptions, deadlines, criticism, nagging, lies
Values: integrity, optimism, risk taking, interaction

Oranges are sensory perceptive people and above all, they must be free to act.
Words and phrases that characterize them: test the limits, free spirit, great in a crisis, needs variations, loves tools, endurance, boldness, exciting, light-hearted, full of fun, performer and entertainer, waiting is psychological death, do it now, today is today, only temporarily defeated, spontaneous relationships, clutter is acceptable, sharing, flexible, adaptable, care free, proficient, curious, eclectic, enjoys life, do many things at once, spontaneous, irresponsible, flaky, scattered, not serious, indecisive, manipulative, uncontrollable, disobeys rules, takes risks, adventurous, courageous.

Now, finally for Green (just to get an idea of it):
Greens are intuitive thinking people and above all, they must be competent
Words and phrases to describe Greens: Love of intelligence, stores wisdom, obsessed to learn, can never know enough, need for control, qualified, sees the big picture, must understand objects and events, individualist, believes things are obvious to all, speculates on others' motivations, often too abstract for others, often oblivious to others' emotions, thinks through relationships carefully, intellectual, 98% right, seeking justice, under control, calm, afraid to open up, able to find flaws, creative, aloof, weird, unappreciative, efficient.

Congrats if you are actually still reading this ridiculously long post! The whole motivation for writing all this was just to say that the orange in me was a little disappointed today. My previous roommates had planned a very fun hiking trip to explore lava tubes this morning and I found out when I got there (at 7:30 AM) that it was canceled because one of them was really sick the night before. I went to bed early last night and I didn't read my email, so I didn't get the message that it was canceled. So, I woke up at 6 AM, so excited to go exploring on a grand adventure with my best friends, and then... poof! It's not happening. Well, that excitement and craving to explore just doesn't go away, especially if the weather is absolutely PERFECT for it. So, I explored a little around Pleasant Grove's dam/reservoir and found a trailhead that I want to try when I have people with me. I know better than to go hiking alone! That's the Gold in me, for ya! I finally got to washing my car (just so it would rain again, of course) and now I'm just relaxing on the front porch enjoying life.

Life really is good... my ward and stake are being changed finally as part of the whole Utah wide changes of YSA wards being put into YSA stakes. I'm really excited for what the changes might bring. I have great friends here and I am excited to make more. I've recently have gotten to know a family that really makes me feel like they are my home away from home. I'm grateful for that. Speaking of my family, my brother is coming to Utah with his wife next weekend!!! I'm very excited for that!! LIFE IS GOOD!

Rain, Rain GO AWAY!!

2011-05-29T19:13:00.000-06:00

There has been a LOT of rain recently. As a result, part of the basement I'm living in flooded. Fortunately, insurance brought in fans to dry it up, but there are some stains on the carpet and holes in the walls. The water came from under the back porch, seeping through the ground because the ground is not level and made it so the water gathered right by the house. Now, I just need to get a lot of dirt to level it out so it won't happen again!

Where are we??

2011-05-21T19:58:00.000-06:00

Well, if you couldn't guess, this is actually our attempt to hike Stewart Falls in Provo, UT today. Stewart Falls is my most favorite hike, mostly because it's a different adventure every time I go. Well, I definitely wasn't expecting this kind of adventure. Word to the wise: If you're going to hike someplace after it's been raining everyday for the past week, you might consider renting some snowshoes and bringing some gloves. I knew right where the trailhead was, but from there on out, the trail was completely covered in snow. We followed the footprints of other hikers hoping it would take it to the right place... apparently not. The snow was really deep and the other thing we could do was hike straight through it, which I know is not how the trail goes to the falls. I honestly believe that hiking straight led us to the Mt. Timp trail, because where we hiked to we saw some trail, but it was paved and the beginning of Mt. Timp trail is definitely paved and Stewart Falls is definitely not. One of the best parts was occasionally stepping and falling through so our whole leg is under the snow. It was really deep snow and with the sun shining, it got pretty soft.

We ended up hiking through the snow up to a large bowl where we saw a couple avalanches. Fortunately, they were too far away to do us any harm, but it sure scared me anyway. Where we found the trail, we saw where the snowmelt created a cool looking tunnel. We decided to hike as far as we could and then build a snowman. The snow was perfect!! We named him Fettuccine. He's in the Italian Mafia. Secret trail... secret snowman... My new favorite thing... hiking to snow falls. Yeah, you guessed it... it's just another name for avalanches. I'd feel pretty safe with Fettuccine there with me, though!

New Love

2011-05-07T16:16:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning and had one of my super duper waffles (peanut butter, banana, syrup). I knew it was going to be a great day. I think spring is FINALLY here! I know it's supposed to rain for the next couple of days, but today was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! I was outside from about 10 AM to 4 PM and I absolutely loved every second of it! I sat reading on the front porch swing for a while, but stopped reading because I was so distracted by seeing all the pollen floating in the breeze everywhere. It looked like it was snowing, but it definitely wasn't.

My grandma and I took a walk together, as we've been doing almost everyday this week. She is feeling pretty good. She is able to walk the half a mile route we have made up. I was planning to go explore some hiking trails I found pretty much in my backyard, but instead I decided to join the neighbors in doing some yard work.

The neighbor across the street has helped Grandma with caring for her lawn and gardening, so I went there and asked them to help me figure out the sprinkler system and the garden. I've always wanted to have my own garden. Because I lived in an apartment, I resorted to have an indoor plant, but now that I've moved here, I can cultivate and add to the garden grandma has. She has a lot of places to garden, so I'm excited!! The neighbor (Sis. Robbin) said that she will come by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week to help me figure out what are weeds and what are actually plants or flowers.

Today I spent the whole afternoon cutting off all the dead flowers and cleaning up all the dead things all around the front yard. There is too much to do in the backyard, so it will have to be another day. But I managed to fill up almost an entire garbage can with all the dead stuff. Anyone looking at it might not think much of the garden, but it looks a lot better than it did. Grandma has LOTS of rose bushes and when they start to grow out again it will look really awesome. I am looking forward to planting some more perennials and keeping it all looking really nice.

The ironic thing is that when I was little, I didn't enjoy doing the yard work very much, but many times today I thought about those family yard work days and really appreciated the memories and being taught how to work. Grandma has one fern bush in her front yard that when I trimmed and smelled it, it brought back memories of trimming the fern bushes at home when I was younger.

So, if you haven't already guessed, my new love is gardening!!

It was the best of times and it was the worst of times...

2011-05-01T17:36:00.001-06:00

Why do we trust a groundhog to tell us how much longer winter will be? Just wondering because he was seriously wrong this year! Come on Spring! Come already!

With that said, overall things are going good. My grandma got her pacemaker this week and she is recovering well. Hopefully this week she will feel up to go on walks with me to get the exercise that she needs.

Today I was set apart as the Family Home Evening coordinator. Originally I was called just on the committee, but today when I went to be set apart, we talked about it and they decided to make me one of the ones in charge. No one on the committee seemed to know who is in charge or what is going on, so I took charge of FHE last week and with that showed that I pretty much was a coordinator and could really get the FHE in this ward going strong again. I hope to make things a bit more organized and better in the near future.

Life is extremely stressful right now. I'm really feeling the weight of the responsibility to take care of my grandma and everything that goes with living with her and on my own in the basement. In addition to that, trying to provide for myself and have the money I need to pay my bills this summer (including expenses of participating in the Nauvoo Pageant) is really hard on a small salary. I asked this week about applying to be a teacher next year. I hope that will help with the money, but it would be a great step in my profession. A federal review team is coming in a couple weeks to check out our program, and I am teaching that week, so I hope it all goes well and that I will still have a job next year. I won't if our program doesn't pass. I'm still not settled in the basement at all yet and I have lots of "chores" to do, but I haven't had the time or energy to do any of it. I was sick for a week and then I am usually so exhausted after work and have other pressing matters that I just don't get to it. I'm also trying to be involved in the ward and make friends. I have a calling now, so that's good. I've made quite a few friends and I'm excited about upcoming changes that will allow me to make more friends. I have a little more than a month left of work and then it's summer break!! I definitely need it! It will be nice to go hiking, do things with people, and have time to get my room/stuff settled down stairs.

All this may not sound all that stressful to you, but it is all together really overwhelming at times. Fortunately, this weekend I got to get away for a little bit by watching a friend's four kids for her and her husband while they went to a cabin for the weekend with their family. It was tiring, but I loved playing with them, watching movies, and most of all, using yarn to string up their basement like a huge spider's web. They loved it, too. I also took them on a treasure hunt and did make-overs with the girls. It was a great way to be a kid again.

Second Try

2011-04-24T12:14:00.001-06:00

Happy Easter! My main thoughts this morning are of gratitude. I am very grateful that I have wonderful parents who taught me from birth the gospel of Jesus Christ. They have been great examples to me of striving to follow the Savior's example. I am grateful they taught me about Him and all that He has done for me.

Tomorrow my grandma is going to try again to get the pacemaker. They are going to check her blood in the morning and if her INR is low enough, they will be able to do the surgery in the afternoon. I hope it all works out this time.

Just Kidding!

2011-04-21T18:58:00.000-06:00

First off, my grandma ended up NOT getting the pacemaker on Monday. They got her all prepped and then decided to check her blood. Her INR was at 7.6, which is incredibly high! That means her blood was super thin, too thin to do the procedure safely. The doctor said he would do it when it is at 2 or 2.5. We found out that she had been taking too much blood thinner medicine everyday. Good to find out before something bad happened! So, we are hoping to reschedule it in the next few weeks. My aunt and uncle are here helping to keep grandma company. They took her to Arches today.

Second, I got strep throat from one of my preschoolers. It come on suddenly Saturday night and I went to urgent care on Sunday morning. It was awful! I hadn't had it since I was little, so I didn't remember how painful it was. I got excused from work on Monday, so I relaxed and read Fablehaven all day and it was great. I went right back to work for an 11 hour day! It was really hard, but I made it though. I managed to get permission to make up for the hours I missed on Monday (since I don't have sick leave yet) and so yesterday was a 10 hour day and today and tomorrow will be 9.5 hour days. I feel better, mostly. It's just all really taking a toll on my body. I'm sore all over. It doesn't help that I feel like every aspect of my life right now is stressful. So, I'm taking the next couple evenings to relax again. I need it. Silencing the phone and going down stairs to lay on the bed and read and go to bed early. Sounds like the perfect prescription.

Tomorrow is the Day

2011-04-18T09:04:00.000-06:00

My grandma is going in tomorrow to have her pacemaker put in. She has to be at the hospital at 5 AM. Luckily my aunt Cindy is here to take her.

I was reading the pamphlet on the kind of pacemaker she probably will be getting and it says that if it senses a rapid heartbeat, it will send pulses of electricity to try to fix it. If that doesn't work, then it will send a shock to reset the heart. When the shock happens, the person usually goes unconscious so they don't feel it. But if they are awake, it feels like a kick in the chest. They could stay unconscious for a couple minute, but any longer than that means trouble. Also, if more than one shock is given, that means trouble, too. Considering both parts of her heart are bad, I wouldn't be surprised if she has to get shocked at some point. That's scary. The pamphlet said for her to have someone there when it happens to have them ready to call. Either way, I hope I am nearby so I can be there to help.

Update on Grandma

2011-04-16T10:36:00.001-06:00

Yesterday she went to the doctor upon my request to get more information on the possibility of her getting a pacemaker as the doctor suggested to her on her last visit. The doctor informed her that her heart rate was at 30 when it should be at 60-70. He also said that the top of her heart and the bottom of her heart are both bad. She couldn't remember the specifics about that, so I don't know what the means exactly. Last week she had an angiogram and that was perfect, so I am assuming it has something to do with the muscle and not the arteries or veins.

The doctor convinced her that she has to have it done, so she decided to do it this coming week, probably on Tuesday. We hope to hear from the doctor soon to confirm that, but the doctor never called her back and they are closed until Monday, so she may not have it done until Wednesday or Thursday. The doctor recommended the best procedure would be to insert a CRT (Cardiac Resynchronization Therapy) Defibrillator. Basically, the device inserted sends electrical impulses when it senses a rapid heart beat in order to "reset" the heart so it beats normally. The wires of the device wrap around the the whole heart and not just half of it.

My aunt Cindy will be here as well as maybe my uncle Bob. I'm glad I'm living here now so I can help her, although it can be a bit overwhelming at times to think about it all.

In other news, I invited my new friends over for a game night and movie night last night and it was awesome! It felt good to not think about reality and just have fun. We played a very fun game called "Boxers and Briefs" (I assure you it has nothing to do with either one of those) and then we watched "Tangled." I LOVE that movie, especially with commentary made by the people watching it. And the other girls there confirmed my suspicions about the boys trying to impress me... it still makes me laugh, mostly because their methods are so different. It sure makes me feel welcome, though. :D

Family History, Friends, and CHOCOLATE!

2011-04-14T22:32:00.000-06:00

The other day I was looking on new.familysearch.com randomly since I hadn't done it in a while and saw that a man recently added some information to a family that I've been researching for the past 5 years or so. I decided to email him and it has truly reignited the spirit of Elijah within me! It feels so good to get excited again about something I love so much! He found some things I never would have found or thought to look for and I count that as a tender mercy when it comes to family history research. It's also fun to have someone to collaborate with and get ideas or second opinions from on a family I'm becoming more and more interested and attached to.

These past few days I have felt great peace from the Lord about going to my new ward and everything that relates to my move. With the help of a great book (Fablehaven, thanks to Stephanie) and family history, and that peace, I haven't felt so lonely and isolated.

Because of all this, I was excited and confident as I went to ward institute tonight. Once again, it was a small group, but I liked it. One guy came in late and after the opening prayer moved to sit next to me because last Sunday I encouraged him to come. It was then that I looked around at the few people there and noticed that there were familiar faces and people that I wanted to be my friends. After institute, we all exchanged phone numbers (at my straightforward request) and talked about how we will transform this ward to be an amazing ward. This ward does need a lot of help. I won't go into details but I can just say that it is a complete opposite of the ward I just left.

While we ate we talked about the upcoming changes to our ward. In the past week it has been made official that this ward (which currently is in a family stake) will be combined with another ward and put into what will be called the YSA Aspen 7th stake (I think it is). There will be four wards in the building we go to and each ward will be fairly large. They said tonight that it is going to happen the last Sunday in May (or earlier). Many people in the ward are not very anxious or excited about this change, but everyone I talk to I try to assure them that it is the best thing that could ever happen to this ward that is nearly dying. Tonight the small group of us formed a "posse" to help liven up the ward and make it a better place to be. A few of us have experienced the college singles ward and stake so we talked about all the possibilities of how to really make it a great ward. We know it will be a rough start, but with us and good leaders, I think we can make it happen.

We thought to start with game nights and movie nights. Spread the word and make it not mandatory to come at a specific time but just to have fun. We thought that once the ward is combined (our ward will keep the leadership it has and the other wards will combine with us) we can try to sit with new people and help them feel welcomed. The thing we talked the most about was FHE groups. Right now the ward does ward FHE with few people coming, but we were talking about making it like the college wards in the new ward with multiple small FHE groups. It will make more callings and probably get more people to come.

I realized as I was talking to them that I was kind of volunteering myself to be the head of this "posse," but I'm okay with that if it means we can all have fun and a better experience in the singles ward. It was fun to talk to them all. It really made me feel like I have friends here now.

I HAVE FRIENDS!!!!!

Yeah, I AM that excited.

The other funny thing is having a couple boys trying to impress me... It's just really funny to me. Maybe because I don't care so much about impressing anyone in particular. I just want to make friends right now. These next few months will be very interesting as lots new people and more changes will be coming into my life. I'm excited!

Oh! And I can't forget to mention the chocolate! One of my new friends' dad makes chocolate as a hobby. I gave my friend Mikey a ride home and he asked if I liked chocolate and asked if wanted to have some of his dad's chocolate that he makes. I walked into the room and the first thing I said was that it smelled sooooo good and that it would be a girl's heaven. It was very yummy! In fact, I'm savoring every... last... bite! MMMmmmmm.....

Trust

2011-04-09T22:13:00.000-06:00

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Better than I

From the soundtrack of Joseph King of Dreams (Dreamworks SKG)

I thought I did what’s right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

Chorus:
You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go of the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don’t know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what’s best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

(Repeat Chorus)

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me, will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go of the need to know why
I’ll take what answers You supply
For You know better than I

First Impressions

2011-04-07T21:51:00.001-06:00

First impressions last the longest, right? Well, with that in mind, I made myself look and feel my very best as I went to institute for the first time with my new ward. I was super excited (and nervous) to meet some of the people in my new ward. As I drove up to the church building that will now be where I got to church, I first found it odd that there weren't very many cars there... was there really institute tonight? I walked into the building and heard a piano playing so I went to that room (probably a Relief Society room or something) to find more adults there than YSAs. Okay... Am I missing something here? There ended up being only about 8 YSAs there from the ward, and two of those came late. Since I'm writing about first impressions, I think it's okay for me to say that the guys there really weren't all that... well, attractive. But, of course, that's judging by appearance... so forget I said that. The lesson was good, so I won't say much about that. After the lesson they had dinner. Some of the people left, but I stayed to begin meeting people and ask questions about the ward.

Apparently I wasn't missing anything. First of all, this ward is not a part of a singles' stake, it is in a family stake. The ward has about 150 people in it, but less than half actually come. They said they are working on that and publicity for activities. The oldest person in the ward (who I met tonight) is 28 and the youngest are the recent high school graduates. Most of the people in the ward are students who still live at home with their parents. The average age is "young." They said right now the ward is sparse, but as kids come back from school to live at home for the summer, the ward is really big. The girl I talked to made it sound like there weren't very many college graduates there because they all have moved away from home. The thing I can compare it to is the Chaffey Branch in my stake at home California. Everyone who is there has been there their whole lives and they know each other and those who go to school go away and come back every so often or not at all.

This is going to be hard, really hard. Coming from an large, incredible ward where there are few less actives and so many great people that come to most, if not all, activities is really hard. Not to mention how many friends I had in that ward- I knew most everyone! It's also really hard for me because one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to move is because I wanted to be in a ward with people who were my age and graduated and trying to support themselves like I am trying to do. It feels really weird to move into someone's "home" ward and be the only one who doesn't have a long back history with everyone else in the ward. I really will be fresh meat to the guys in this ward! I really hope that I can make some good friends and fit in. I need that. I also really hope that there is someone in this new ward who I can relate to and get the support I need as I am trying to be self-reliant and do what I need to do to care for my grandma. I just hope that there are a few really good guys and not just "left over" guys who've never lived away from home and who can be really creepy and weird. In some ways I kind of wish I hadn't gone to institute tonight because it might be hard for me to get that same excitement I had before institute when I get ready to go to my ward for the first time on Sunday. Like it or not, I'm here to stay and I can't go back. I already know this is where I'm supposed to be, so I have to press forward and jump in with both feet. I can do this and do it well! Good things will come from this, I just know it!

Here I go!

2011-04-01T00:00:00.003-06:00

Today starts my next big adventure! I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I know it's gonna be good. :D

Festival of Colors and the Temple

2011-03-26T18:29:00.001-06:00

Once again I went to the Festival of Colors, but this time it was even better because I was with my two best friends, too! We went to the first throwing of the colors, so it wasn't as crowded when we first got there. We danced an Indian dance in the temple and it was quite a work out! Despite breathing in all the chalk-like stuff, I had a lot of fun coloring and being colored. What a way to welcome in Spring!

Picture by Jessica Bingham, not me. :D

As a side note, this morning I thought a lot about going to the Hindi temple and compared it to the LDS temple. The festival is a kind of religious tradition or maybe even ritual to the Hindus. We join in with them because it's a festival and lots of fun, but for them, saying the Mantra (which they sing sometime after throwing the colors) is a spiritual experience and they believe it can sanctify them as they say it. The announcer also said that they believe this festival was started by Krishna (their deity) himself some 5,000 or 10,000 years ago so he felt like he was following in his footsteps. Being LDS, this reminded me of how I go to the temple to do the same thing-to follow in Christ's footsteps by receiving all the ordinances of the temple so I can become like Him. Although the festival was fun, I am very grateful that LDS temples are much different. The blessings of participating are much more than being sanctified and they last beyond the moment of participation--they last for eternity. Granted, I don't honestly know a lot about Hindu temple worship or all they believe they receive from it, but I do know LDS temples operate because we have the restored fullness of the Gospel and with that, the activities we participate in the temple are infused with a power and sacred feeling that no member of the church can take lightly. I don't just go to the temple, I live so I can keep that power that I feel in the temple with me where ever I go everyday.

Here are some verses from the scriptures that I feel make the LDS temple different and very important to me:

They all come from Doctrine and Covenants 109:

8Organize yourselves; ^aprepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a ^bhouse of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of ^corder, a ^dhouse of God;

12That thy ^aglory may rest down upon thy people, and upon this thy house, which we now dedicate to thee, that it may be sanctified and consecrated to be holy, and that thy holy presence may be continually in this house;

20And that no ^aunclean thing shall be permitted to come into thy house to ^bpollute it;

22And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy ^aname may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine ^bangels have charge over them;

35Let the ^aanointing of thy ministers be sealed upon them with power from on high.

38Put upon thy servants the ^atestimony of the covenant, that when they go out and proclaim thy word they may ^bseal up the law, and prepare the hearts of thy saints for all those judgments thou art about to send, in thy wrath, upon the inhabitants of the ^cearth, because of their transgressions, that thy people may not faint in the day of trouble.

Congested Heart Failure

2011-03-24T18:31:00.001-06:00

One of the many reasons why I am moving is because my grandma Kelly was recently diagnosed with Congested Heart Failure. I did some research to learn more about what is happening to her so I can know how to help, and this is what I found.

All the following info is from this site : http://www.chfpatients.com/CHFinfo.htm

CHF stands for congestive heart failure. CHF is not a kind of heart disease. Heart disease is called cardiomyopathy and it's cardiomyopathy that causes heart failure. Heart failure is the set of symptoms that hit you when your heart can't pump enough blood to meet your body's needs. It's called congestive because fluid settles in your lungs, "congesting" you. Honestly, I usually think of CHF as meaning Chronic Heart Failure.
Your lungs take the oxygen you breathe in and put it into your blood. Your heart pumps that oxygen-rich blood out of your lungs into the rest of your body. Your other organs and tissues get a good drink of oxygen-rich blood and then it goes back through your lungs, picking up oxygen again. The heart pumps it out again and again and again - we hope.
A weakened heart can't pump hard enough to keep up with this cycle. It receives more blood from the lungs than it can pump out into the body with each heart beat. The blood it can't handle backs up, spilling over into the lungs and other tissues. Cells get waterlogged. This causes swelling called edema.
This swelling often happens in the ankles and legs first. That's because gravity pulls the backed-up, "loose" fluid straight down. The fluid also backs up into your lungs, which makes it hard to breathe. When you're lying down, gravity isn't pulling the fluid out of your lungs down into your feet, so it is even harder to breathe.
With proper treatment, you may live a long time with heart failure.
CHF is a chronic illness because it doesn’t go away and generally worsens over time. Although the symptoms can be treated, the disease cannot be cured. (This is something I think my grandma has a hard time understanding.)
The two questions I hear most are, "How long do I have?" and "Can I be cured?" No one knows how long you have - not the doctors, not me, not anyone. Other health problems, the cause of your heart failure, your life style, genetics, and many other factors figure into it. Concentrate on living - not on dying. A positive outlook literally increases your chances of living longer.

Symptoms/Complaints:
Shortness of Breath
Fatigue/ tiredness
Good Days/Bad Days, the see-saw
Edema, swelling
Lightheadedness, dizziness, poor sense of balance
Memory Trouble-poor short-term memory
Strange Feelings a swollen feeling in your chest and/or stomach
dry cough
palpitations
nausea Happens in end-stage CHF
difficulty sleeping
lower leg or foot pain
feeling of physical "wrongness"

From another website:
Stages of Dying from Congestive Heart Failure:

At the outset there may be a slight feeling of fatigue with exercise.
The condition becomes worse with increased fatigue and heart palpitations with limited exercise. The fatigue is often relieved with rest.
The third stage is when the patient is comfortable only when at rest. Normal activities of daily living result in shortness of breath with accompanying fatigue. The person’s ability to function as usual is severely impaired.
The end stage, even the smallest movements are difficult, bringing on shortness of breath and tiredness. It is at this stage the patient's movements are drastically reduced as the slightest task causes a strain on the heart. The inability of the heart to function properly becomes noticeable even at rest.
The best anyone can do for a patient in the end stages of dying from congestive heart failure, is to provide love and comfort measures to ensure that the patient or loved one suffers no more than is necessary. Eventually the patient will slip into a coma and become unresponsive. At that point death is imminent and arrives in about an hour or two.

I don't know about you, but reading this all is a little... well, depressing to say the least. It's also a little intimidating to think that I am moving to help her to endure to the End. Granted, she can still live for years... I think that's what stresses me out, too, not knowing how long she has or how long I will live there. The last paragraph quoted really intimidates me... Gradually, as the symptoms and everything increase, she will need more and more of my help. (I think I will learn a lot about selflessness from this experience.) The end stages will be awful to watch... seeing her slip into a coma and ... die! Wow. I can't even imagine that. I shouldn't dwell on that though. I need to take advantage of every opportunity and try to keep her end of life comfortable. I am grateful I am in a position that I can help her like I am. I'm also grateful that I could learn a little about this so that I can help her the best and have a better idea of what future will hold. It's just one aspect of the new adventure I'm about to begin.

With all this, I believe (but it's not a doctor saying this) that currently my grandma is probably in stage 3. She gets tired and out of breath easily when she moves around, but she is usually okay when she is just sitting and resting. She still drives herself places and goes places with her siblings or siblings-in-laws, but that usually wipes her out or increases symptoms. She doesn't sleep well. Her heart is enlarged and is palpitating. The doctor is putting her on a heart monitor for a day. She has a dry cough most of the time because of the medicine she is on (which is normal). Her feet, calves, and ankles are very swollen. Last week they found a few blood clots in her leg so they increased her medicine, but when she went to the doctor they had to change it again because her INR was too high. INR is her chances for having a blood clot. Before they up the dose her INR was too low, hence why she got blood clots.

If it weren't for the great hiking...

2011-03-21T20:53:00.000-06:00

... I would really rather keep the CA plates. But alas, I must move on and accept the fact that I am now a Utah resident and have to show it on my beautiful dream car. I want make it clear, though, I am not a Utahan. I am still a California girl and always will be. I hate the cold! But with that said, I'm not ashamed to be called a Molly Mormon. :D

The Final Countdown

2011-03-21T12:11:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm not really counting down unless you count me knowing that next Sunday is my last Sunday in the ward I've been in for 6 years. Yeah, that's a long time, but it was right and it has been awesome. I am grateful that yesterday at church I didn't feel as overwhelmed about the prospect of moving and leaving like I did the week before. I'm getting more excited to find out what my new adventure will entail.

I know that Heavenly Father has helped me a lot these past few weeks to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the move, and I am very grateful for that. I'm also amazed at how much I've been able to get done prior to THE WEEK that I move (which is next week). At the end of February I printed out almost 300 pictures to scrapbook and I was able to finish scrapbooking them all a week ago! That is definitely the fasted I've scrapbooked anything before. Thank goodness for good movies to watch while doing that! I watched a lot of movies....

I also got help from guys in the ward to move the garbage from the basement and then to move the furniture into my new room. My room is all set up, now it's time to bring everything over and settle in. I love my new room! It's big, has a huge desk (that was my grandpa's), two bookselves, a queen size bed, and a big closet. The only down side is that it doesn't get warmer than 65 degrees. I am trying to fix that...

So, this week I'm moving a bunch of stuff, then next week I will take everything. I will then spend two days cleaning because it will be a really crazy check out, I'm sure. I'm excited about this weekend, my last weekend here in Provo. I'm going to the Festival of Colors again and then having J-Dawgs at the ward activity. YUM. And SHHHH... don't tell, but next week I'm kidnapping my two best friends for one last little shindig before I go. I am super excited to have it be just the three of us for a little while so we can have fun and remember all the fun we've had together. I'm glad that I will still be in UT and am not leaving them completely!

So all in all, I'm feeling wonderful.

Progress and busyness

2011-03-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

I just finished packing up my car full (well, mostly full) of stuff to take to DI tomorrow. Boy! That feels good! For the past several weeks (two nights a week) I've been going through my grandma's basement, sorting things to keep, take to DI, and throw in the trash. It's been really hard and a lot of work, but I've finished! Don't worry, I kept most everything and my grandma went through everything going to DI and to the trash, so my dad and his siblings can look through things whenever that time comes and can take claim on whatever they want. I organized the storage rooms and there is still lots of room, which is awesome!

Now, I have a very large pile of stuff to take to the trash. The Schoenfeld's offered their truck, which I am very grateful for. It will probably only take one load to take all the stuff to the dump or the dumpster at ST. Not sure ST will like that very much, though...

The next step after getting all the trash out is getting a dresser. Then I start moving stuff in!

Currently I am also trying to scrapbook everything from this past year. I want to get it done before I move out so I really can move forward emotionally. I should be able to do it, but I'm finding it hard time-wise to do it. Every night I have something it seems so that leaves Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays, but those days get filled sometimes, too. Since it's really important to me, I want to do better to make the time for it. :D

A quick thought before I end my 100th post... Recently I reread the book Leadership and Self-Deception. If you haven't read it, I recommend it highly. It reminded me how important it is to think of the people who surround me as people and not objects. I've realized this past week that I can be pretty selfish sometimes and not treat people as I should and that hurts not just others but myself, too. I'd forgotten some basic principles I promised myself I would live and it's affected so many of my relationships. Being busy and stressed is not an excuse. I hope they will forgive me and continue to be patient with me.
I'm a work in progress.

(Un)Solicited Advice

2011-02-22T21:52:00.001-07:00

I gave a guy a ride home from institute tonight and on the way home he asked me this question:
I am attending the ELC right now, but want to study Engineering at BYU, what advice do you have for going to BYU?

My first response: Do your homework. Go to class.
His response: Oh! I thought you would tell me to hit up all the parties in Provo.
My second response: Actually...

And then I explained and because it was insightful to me, I thought I'd share it with my faithful blog readers. :D

The more I think about the question, the harder it is for me to explain my feelings about it, but I will just say what I said to him just now.

When I was a sophomore in college, I had a friend who told me something that left an impression on me the remainder of my college experience. I don't remember her words exactly, but basically she said education (or learning) is more than about the classes you take. Looking back on my experience at BYU, I was a very good student. I went to every class (I maybe missed a total of 4 or 5 classes) and I did my homework and I worked hard and got good grades (kept my GPA above 3.7). However, I don't really remember a lot from my classes. Granted, these past few weeks, more than ever, I have been spouting out things I was taught in my Marriage, Family, Human Development classes to parents in hopes of helping them in some way.

(Funny side note about that: After saying some things she should consider trying to do to help her family, she asked me if I had kids and after my response she basically said that I can say all I want, but it means nothing to experience. Little does she know that I do have experience and the things I taught her were principles that have been tried and proven. :D It's just funny for me, a single, childless woman, to be giving suggestions about parenting to people. It's no wonder they take it with a grain of salt. Okay, end of side note.)

When I look back at my experience at BYU, it's not the classes that I remember the most, but the things I did with people, what I accomplished, how I learned about myself, and how much I grew from various experiences. Yes, I fully stick to my first response to this question, but there is something to say about balancing it with being involved in the ward, making friends, doing crazy (but LEGAL) things, going to BYU sponsored activities, doing service to roommates, friends, and strangers, trying new things, and going new places. These things are what have made the biggest difference in my BYU experience and my life all around. I have met so many interesting people and have been exposed to so many difference cultures and I have learned something for each one of them because I took the time to get to know them at least a little bit.

When I look at my college highlight scrapbook I made, there is only one picture from a class that I took and that was my choir class because it really was a highlight of my college of experience. It truly changed my life in ways I wouldn't have imagined. All the other pictures are of the people that I had a good time with and activities I participated in that more than likely influenced me positively (or negatively) in some way. I'm not saying to not take classes and that kind of education seriously, because I believe that education (in classes, etc) opens the doors for more opportunities to learn, serve and grow. That sounds cliche, but it's true. What I am saying is that it's important to remember that as an apostle said once, "What's most important lasts the longest." Many times this meant for me to give up studying or doing homework to be there for a friend in need or to just relax and watch a movie or to join a random dance party that's happening in the living room. Yeah, it's happened and it happened over and over again and I don't regret putting down that book or getting off that computer or not doing any homework on a Saturday so I could make memories and make a difference in someone else's that will last forever.

But then on a second or third or whatever thought this is, I look back at the classes I took at BYU and can think numerous classes that helped me to grow intellectually, mentally, and spiritually and I will be forever grateful that I took them because they made me who I am today.

I just thought of this, but in some ways, I feel that a great suggestion for any freshman BYU student is to go after your dreams. Actually, live the dream, NOW and everyday. Attending and graduating BYU was only a dream for me, but things worked out and I made it. Within my experience at BYU, I thought of more dreams, went after them, and then achieved them. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever be an EFY counselor or participate in the Nauvoo Pageant, but it happened. Now my dreams of what I'd like to do and be have expanded and I know I can achieve them with diligent effort because I've done it before. It's the most amazing feeling in the world! I'm really am living the dream.

So, I guess the short second answer is simply to balance your studies and your social life, but that answer isn't nearly as interesting as the long answer, now is it? :D

Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence

2011-02-13T11:09:00.001-07:00

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795

I love this talk. I reread it just now and it reminded me of how much the Lord has blessed me and continues to guide me, especially when I am experiencing difficult things in my life. It's funny to me how hard Satan tries to detract me from achieving my goals and striving to live the dream that I have for myself. Good things precede and follow hardship, which pretty much means life is always going to be hard. The good news is that I have the Gospel in my life and the Savior and His angels to help me and support me in pursuing righteousness. With His help, I will become who He sees and wants me to become. I am very grateful for that.

Love

2011-02-06T23:25:00.001-07:00

I am grateful to be surrounded by such amazing and incredible people. My roommates are my best friends and the members of my ward never cease to amaze me with their testimonies and good examples of the Savior. Whenever I go to the place where I will be moving to in April, I think that I will be fine and happy there, but whenever I come back to my current apartment and spend time with my friends here, I realize how much I will really miss being around them. I will never forget them. So many individuals have changed my life for the better and I can never express enough gratitude to them for that. This move is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. Most of the time I am fine, but there are moments that I am just overcome with love for the people here that I don't know how I can leave them. There is one particular person that I will miss associating with the most, although I'm sure that person doesn't know how much they have influenced me and changed my life. I promise to tell them before I leave. I don't think I could leave without doing that much. :D

I guess I am scared to move and have to start completely over again. For the first time in 7 years I will be the new girl in the ward and not the other way around. I hated my first 7 months here because I didn't know anyone and I have a terrible time in big groups of people that I don't know. I get super anxious and just want to leave. Nauvoo Pageant helped me with that some, but I still have a difficult time with changes. I know nothing about the new ward I'll be going to. I could go and check it out, but I think that would only made it worse for me right now. I want to finish my time in this ward out right and not feel torn between two places more than I already am. Besides, I think it would be better for me to go the new ward the first time know that I'm there for good and don't have a choice about staying there or going back to my "home" ward. This place really has become my home. That is why it's so hard to leave. Some may be asking, "Then why are you leaving? Are you sure it's right?" YES. I'm sure.

This scripture has been a long time favorite of mine for many reasons, but it gives special comfort to me right now:
2 Nephi 31:19
And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow ^apath, I would ask if all is ^bdone? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken ^cfaith in him, ^drelying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to ^esave.

It's true. And that is why I know that I will make it through this just fine and things will work out for my good and I will continue to be happy.

I am also grateful for the opportunity I had to bear my testimony in sacrament meeting this morning and the opportunity to watch the church movie The Testaments and afterward bear testimony to a non-member of the love that Christ has for each of us. It was a great reminder to me of how much God loves me and is with me, guiding me each step of the way. He will always be there for me to support me through every trial I will ever face. I will forever be grateful for that.

Look, that's me!!

2011-01-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

I was watching a recording of the Nauvoo Pageant that a friend's friend made when I was there this past summer. My friend sent it to me and I finally got to watch it all the way through tonight. To my complete surprise, I saw me on stage!!! I had to rewind it to double check, but it's true. Of all the nights for her friend to record the pageant, she did it the night that I went on stage to fill in for a girl that fainted! In the video I can see when I got on stage and for pretty much the whole time I was there. I'm relieved to know that my confused state of not knowing what to do when wasn't super noticeable, but obviously it was noticeable enough that it got my attention so I saw that I was there! Yay! It really made my night to see that. I'm grateful that that moment was recorded and that I have it. It reminded me that prayers are answered and dreams do come true and most of the time it happens in the least expected way.

Girl's Choice

2011-01-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

Last night was the Girl's Choice dance and it was awesome. My date and I had a lot of fun together. I was right in thinking that he would at least smile at my fun surprise... actually, he laughed, even when I told him not to. The fun things I did was I said "you was handsome" and that I had a good time with him in Cantonese. He served his mission in Hong Kong and that is the language he spoke. For the first one he was surprised mostly because he didn't expect Cantonese to come out of my mouth. That was funny. He knew I had a few phrases to recite to him, but I couldn't say the last one until the end, so when it came to that time, he just laughed at me. It really was funny. I am very grateful that I went and that it turned out to be such a great date.

We made snowflakes. :D

Me and Taylor

Makes Me Smile

2011-01-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

I'm actually SUPER excited for my date on Friday. I'm planning something really cool that I'm sure that if it doesn't impress him, it would at least make him smile and we'll laugh about it. I just can't keep the smile off my face! This will be awesome.

Misery Loves Company

2011-01-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay! I finally asked a guy to the ward dance. I don't think I will regret it either. He's cute. :P

I realized last night that my desire to be alone, cuddled up in my covers watching movies was a symptom of a big problem: I need people. I'm mentally exhausted pretty much everyday after work and I have lots of things on my mind to do for work and figuring out life in the real world. With assessments going on at work and everything else going on in my life, it just feels good to escape the world by watching a movie or reading a good book. That's good, and I really do need that sometimes, but what I think I neglected to remember is that I have friends who care about me and want to help me or be with me. I also am happier when I am involved with other people and serving others. Maybe they don't need me as much as I need them, but I have disconnected myself from them too much and too soon. I need to just talk and have fun and build relationships with people. Isn't that what's most important in life, anyway?

There is just so much going on! I can't get into it all, but one thing is that I learned this week that my family is basically having a make-over of the house done because of a really bad leak that turned into a flood when the plumber didn't repair it correctly. This week they are pretty much living at my brother's because the whole house is covered in plastic while they make the repairs and figure out how much damage the water really caused. It's a blessing in disguise because it will help my parents out financially, but at the same time, it's probably pretty annoying and frustrating.

It's amazing how just realizing what my problem was has made a difference in one day. I already feel a bit better. I'm grateful that I got to take my roommate Lynnae to the store and then to her friend's house. It was great to spend time with her. It also helped that I got the courage to ask a boy on a date and he said yes. I was so nervous... and I'm positive he knew it, too. :D

I'm not so miserable, thanks to company. Life is wonderful.

Girls' Choice

2011-01-19T22:17:00.002-07:00

My ward is having a girls' choice dance in the next few weeks. I was just wondering, girls' choice also includes their choice to go stag or to stay home, right? That's kind of the point I am at. Seeing as the guys I am interested in are taken and so are many others, I might just make it be a night of me and Chuck. That sounds like fun.

Freezerburn & Moving On

2011-01-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that some foods should NEVER be frozen or put in the freezer for so long! I just finished cleaning out my grandma's freezer and there was a heck of a lot of food with lots of freezer burn on it. I still have another freezer to clear out. Pretty much I'm filling up a garbage container. She thinks the food isn't so bad, but really, who freezes sour cream? That is just one example...

Now that I've told my roommates, I can write about this.... I'm moving!! I never thought I would move from where I am unless I was getting married, so this is a surprise to me, too. I've been in my current ward for 7 years. Yeah, that's a long time, but it's been amazing. I do not regret it even a little bit. I've learned so much from the people in that ward.

So, how did this come about? Well, before coming back from Christmas break, I was feeling like I was beginning a new ME-- full-time job, new car.... Then when I walked into my apartment, I realized that it would be a lot harder for me to be what I feel I want to be/need to be if I stay where I've been for so long. I need more personal space- my own room. I'd like my own place, but that is out of the question. I also feel like I need to be around older singles who are graduated like me. After looking around online for hours and asking around, I found a place that I was seriously considering until I got a phone call from my mom. As I stood in front of the door of the potential place, my mom told me that my grandma was in the hospital. As soon as she said it, the thought came to me that maybe I should move in with her to help her out. I went to visit her in the hospital and asked her about it and she thought it was a good idea, too. Since I decided to move there, I've felt at peace about moving, although I am a little nervous about the new ward. Hopefully it will be what I need.

My grandma was in the hospital for congested heart failure. She was retaining a lot of water, too, so both of those together made it very difficult for her to breathe when she tried to sleep. She is home now, but now she is lugging around an oxygen machine to allow her body to take in all the oxygen it needs to function. The doctor was very optimistic about her future, but my family and I kind of think it's only the beginning of the end. She now can only have 2 g of salt a day and foods that are low in vitamin K. That is part of the reason why I cleaned out her fridge and freezer. I also went shopping for her and I realized how many things have salt, canola oil, and soybean oil. She can't have any of those.

I moved some of my stuff in last night, stuff I'm not going to be using very much. I slept at her house in the basement just to get a feel for the place and see how I like it. I asked her if just knowing I was there made her feel better and she said it did. Granted, I will be gone all day and be social at night, but I will be there as much as I can. I can always invite people over to watch movies or play games as long as she is up for the company because normally she loves company.

I am VERY excited to live in her basement! I'm already thinking of things that I can do to make it warm and inviting. The basement is pretty big, but only half of it is finished. Two bedrooms and the bathroom are done and look good, I just have to get a dresser and add whatever things I want to. The first two rooms you walk into down there are not finished. She has all the supplies, it just needs to be done. It probably won't happen for a while, but I want to finish one of the rooms so it looks warm and welcoming. In order to do that, I need to get the electrical things done or fixed-- add plugs and fix how the lights turn on and off. I then just need help putting in the insulation and boards for three of the walls. One wall is just cement, so it needs the wood put in as well. It shouldn't be too hard, just a lot of work. The floor is cement and currently has random rugs and carpet to cover it, but I think that will be taken care of much later.

I hope I have some good home teachers who want to do some service!! :D

Blooming

2011-01-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

My amaryllis flower # 2. My roommate took this picture for me yesterday. Today some of the buds are opening, but they are not quite open yet. Plant # 1 I took home to see bloom and had to leave it there until my brother brings it with him here in a week or so.

It's amazing how much a simple flower can bring so much beauty into a small apartment bedroom. At first this flower wasn't growing as well as the other one I planted just like it at the same time, but after some tender care by a friend over Christmas, it budded and now is more beautiful than the first one. I am excited to see all the flowers bloom.

In some ways, I am like this flower. I have struggled long and hard to grow, but through the nurture of amazing family and friends, I am blooming and I am beautiful. That sounds really cliche, but it's one way to express how I am feeling right now. It's the first time in my life that I really feel like a grown up. With the new year I feel like I am finally blooming into the kind of person I've always wanted to be and more. I'm excited to feel more like an adult, but it's also scary. Being independent and having to provide for myself isn't easy, especially when it involves trying to figure out how to pay all the bills. I know I don't have a mortgage to pay like many adults, but I do have a car payment, car insurance, rent, credit card (which I only use for gas), food, saving for the Nauvoo Pageant, and all those unexpected expenses to try to balance out with the salary I'm given. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be given a full-time position half way through the school year, so that is a huge blessing. But with the full time position comes a lot more responsibility. Yes, I do get paid more, but I still have to budget and make sure I have all that I need to pay for everything and that is very overwhelming sometimes.

I am grateful that things are falling into place. I really feel like the Lord is preparing me for great things to come this year. I've been thinking about some things that I might do this year that would mean a lot of changes in my life, but I feel peace that it will be for my good and it will all work out.

My new full-time position is still at Head Start preschool, but it's different than anything I've ever experienced while working there for the past year and a half. My first year I taught a full-day class where the kids come in the morning and leave in the late afternoon. Because I was part-time, I left at the beginning of nap time. Putting kids down for a nap when some have already grown out of naps is a nightmare, let me tell you! The beginning of this year, I taught in a part-day afternoon class. Part-day has a morning and afternoon class of different kids. Even though I only taught the afternoon class, I came in time to get to know the kids in the morning class, too, and I loved that.

What I am doing now is called Homebase. It's a special program for 3-year-olds, although recently they enrolled some 4 and 5 year olds. There are about 34 kids total. The kids are divided into 4 classes and each kid only comes to class once a week. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays we have two class sessions a day where we teach the same exact things to the different kids. The class size is 8-10 rather than 12-16 like the regular preschool classes. I really like that! Those days are mostly like the normal preschool days that I know. On Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays I do Home Visits to the 10-12 kids that I am assigned. There are two other teachers who do Home Visits as well. Starting at 8 AM, I go to 3 to 4 homes per day and stay for an hour and a half. While I am there, I direct one activity for all of us to do together and then the parent picks one activity to do. Three year olds have a very short attention span so I am learning fast that I have to have more than just two activities planned or I need to bring games or puzzles or books to use. This program has a parent-child focus, so the activities we do are quite a bit more flexible than what we are allowed to do in class, which I also like. We do what the parent wants to do even if that means we bake sugar cookies, which would be a big NO at school because of the sugar. While I am there, I am also helping the parents with whatever they might need to help them with their kids. I make observations at the visits and in the classroom and have to do a lot of paperwork on each of the kids. It's not too difficult, but there is a lot to remember to do.

Surprisingly, I wasn't very overwhelmed this week at work. The hardest part was (and still is) getting used to working for 8 or more hours a day and having a lot less time to do other things, including socialize with my roommates. Tuesday and Wednesday double classes was really exhausting! I don't know how part-day teachers do two classes everyday! So, doing Home Visits was a welcome break. The only down side to Home Visits is that I have to do a lot of driving. Fortunately, I now have a reliable car... and a very cool car at that. I was VERY grateful for my heated seats and the defrost on my side mirrors this week. I was also VERY grateful for the GPS I got for Christmas. I didn't stress at all about finding the houses and it made for a very relaxing time between appointments. The other thing I have to get used to is having the self-discipline to go to bed between 10 and 10:30 PM. I wake up at 6 AM and because I don't do well on lack of sleep, I have to go to bed earlier. I did great this week, but that is with nothing going on and isolating myself from my roommates, which can't last long.

I'm still deciding if I like Homebase better than the normal preschool classroom. It has it's perks, but I think I will actually miss teaching more often than I was. I will only teach once every three weeks now rather than every four days. My co-workers are great and they are willing to give my new ideas of how to do somethings on our teaching days a try, so that is really nice.

I'm grateful to sleep in and then to go to the temple tomorrow! I am also excited for Sunday! I feel like it's been forever since I had a Sunday to rest and meditate. It also will be great to see friends from the ward that I haven't seen in weeks.

Here is a link to an invitation to the Nauvoo Pageant that I will be performing in this upcoming summer. It is a life changing experience and I believe everyone should go there to see it at least once.

http://www.invite.nauvoopageant.net/2011/Invitations/2011_Blue/Kelly.htm

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

Well... it's a brand new year and I feel like it will be a good one! In some ways this year is the beginning of a brand new me. I started my full time position today and tomorrow the kids come back. It's very tiring, but it will be good. I'm kind of stressing out trying to figure out how to do everything I want to and need to do in the little bit of time I have now, but it will work out.

As I will be having to drive a lot with my new position, I got myself a new set of wheels... I didn't post it right away because I wanted to surprise my roommates.

It's just like my brother's but better... :D

This is a HUGE step for me, so I hope I can handle it. It's my dream car so now I'm really living the dream!! I also got a boyfriend.... named TomTom. I wish it were really a boyfriend and not just a gps system for my car, but I'll take what I can get!

My family took pictures the day before I left to go home. It was a lot of fun!

Movie Trailer

2010-12-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

Why I love where I live....

My dad got the new imovie.... it rocks!

ChuckChuckChuck

2010-12-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I just finished watching an enormous Chuck marathon... and it was AWESOME. I'm now caught up and super excited to watch the new episode in January. You know you're addicted to a TV show when you see your nephew running through the kitchen singing the Scooby-Doo theme song being giddy and laughing ridiculously and having it remind you of what you were doing only minutes earlier but with the soundtrack of Chuck.... yeah.... I may or may not have been caught dancing to the intro of Chuck... At least I know my family loves me. :D

Merry Christmas!!!!

Good Day

2010-12-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

You know it's going to be a good day when hours of watching the TV show Chuck is on my TO DO list.

THANK YOU STEVEN!

Let it rain! Let it rain! Let it rain!

Ahhhhh!!! Yikes!

2010-12-18T23:21:00.000-07:00

I honestly have never been so stressed over Christmas break before! I have so much to do. I really don't like being an adult sometimes. I've said that at least a dozen times today. Ahhhh!!!! This is scary, really, really scary! Yes, I get a big pay check, but big purchases and big responsibility make things really stressful and scary! It's even worse when I see my family struggling financially as well. I think I am going crazy! I really hope I don't regret what I did today... It will all be okay.... I just have to keep reminding myself of that. But for now, I have to take one step at a time and just do what I have to do. How's that for a Merry Christmas?? LOL

Full Time Job!

2010-12-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

About half an hour before going to work this morning, I got a phone call from Head Start asking if I would accept a full-time position in the Provo 2 classroom, which is a Homebase program. WOW! Yes!! I was only hesitant because this year with Patti, the teacher in my current class, has been so good for me. I've learned so much and have had so much fun. Patti is just amazing. She has so many great ideas and I already told her, even before being offered this position, that she would most likely become a sort of library person I go to for ideas and things. I will really miss working with her! But most of all, I will miss working with the kids. I love them to death and I am really sad that I won't be able to see them finish the year. Here are just some of the crazy cute kids I have:

Aren't they just adorable? Although I am really sad about leaving them, I am excited to gain some new experience doing Homebase. Homebase is where the kids come twice a week and the other days I go to their houses and do activities with them there. I don't know much more than that at this point, but this Thursday I will meet with the teacher and learn all about it since I will have to jump right in when I get back in January. I will be over 10 kids and be responsible for all the paperwork, just like the teacher is, so I wonder if this is a kind of test to see if I can eventually be a teacher?? Maybe... It will be different, but fun. I already know the other teacher and I'm sure it will be just as fun as being with Patti.

The main reason why I am really excited about getting hired full time is that I will now have insurance and be on salary! That means I can afford to live! I can hopefully get my teeth fixed and really save money to replace my car and computer. But what I am really grateful for is that I will have enough money for sure to do the Nauvoo Pageant again if they decide that I am needed there again next summer. THAT is a great blessing.

So, tomorrow is my last day with the kids in Provo 7. I'm not teaching this week, so I can just play with them, which is great!

I'm leaving again for CA on Friday afternoon!!! I'll be home for Christmas!!!

It's A Wonderful Life!

2010-12-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

I forget how much I love this movie until I watch it again. I LOVE this movie! "No man is a failure who has friends." It's so very true, and I sometimes have to be reminded of that. Life can get pretty rough and many times those rough times prevent us from reaching some of our deepest desires and goals. Yet, everything always works out for the best and even when things turn out way different than we imagined, it's usually much better. I sometimes feel A LOT like George Bailey. Watching the movie again each year always makes me wonder what the world would be like without me. I think about my friends and people I've associated with and wonder if I've really made that big of a difference in their lives. I'm sure if I had a guardian angel come down (hopefully it would be someone like Clarence, I love him to pieces) and did what Clarence did for George, I'd be just as shocked as George was. My life really is wonderful. I am grateful for my family and for my amazing roommates. I love them very much.

It's a record!

2010-12-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

I am officially finished with this semester's roommate slide show. When did I start it? TODAY! I've NEVER started and finished (meaning burned onto DVDs) the slide show in one day before. It only took me about 6 to 8 hours. That may seem like a long time to you, but it's really not, at least compared to how long it's taken me to make other slide shows. The great thing is that I think that it is just as good as other slide shows I've made. I think part of the reason why it took less time is because I thought of a "theme" for it at the beginning of the semester and a few weeks back I did some things that made it so today all I had to do was put it all together. The music was pretty straight forward as well, so it was awesome!

In other news... remember my bachelor button flower? I just about killed it over Thanksgiving vacation, but with a little miracle grow, there are now FOUR flower buds on it!!! I'm super excited to see them open up! One of my amaryllis flowers is growing really well while the other one is... well, not seeming to grow very much at all. I wonder if I rotted the roots or something. At least one of them is alive and well!!

I am also very grateful that I developed the habit of having and maintaining a savings account. This past week I've had use it (much to my dismay) but it has given me peace of mind to know that I have money in savings (and still have it) to draw on in desperate situations.

One Year Older and Wiser, too!

2010-12-09T16:54:00.001-07:00

Last Sunday I turned the big 25. I used to think that was old, but now that I'm here, I see that it's really not that old at all. When I think about all that I've done this past year, I truly believe that I'm not just one year older, I'm wiser, too. I am grateful for the many opportunities and experiences I've had this year that have helped me to grow and be changed forever. A guy in my ward told me multiple times on my birthday that just by looking at me, he knew that this is going to be my year and that good things will happen. I believe it! I really feel that I'm am on the right track and I can expect great things to happen this next year. I think he was referring to dating and getting married, so if that happens, I'd be happy with that, too!

It's really okay that I'm not married right now. When I was a teenager, I always thought I wanted to be married by age 21. When I think about all that I've done, the people I've met and helped, the experiences I've had that have helped me to grow, I am actually grateful that I didn't get married then. I never wanted to have to lug kids around while going to school, so it's a great blessing I didn't have that worry while in college. I am better than the kind of woman I imagined I wanted to be and I know I can only get better from here. I have lots of goals and things I want to do and I feel like I'm living the dream. Life is exciting and interesting. I have so much I can do and am taking the steps I need to so I can accomplish those things. Of course, I want to get married and have my own family. Everyday as I work as a preschool teacher I wish that I had my own kids to do those activities with them. But, I don't, and it's okay. Everyday I'm learning new ways to work with kids and things to do with them that will make me one of the best moms in the whole world! You just wait for it! Right now I have no dating prospects, but I'm being the best me and I know I will meet some amazing guy who will love that.

I learned a few years ago that it's important to have a Plan B, with Plan A being getting married and having a family. Currently I'm living Plan B and I love life and am excited about the future. I'm basically doing three things: Improving my relationship with my Heavenly Father, Getting all the education I can, and Putting myself in the position to meet my future companion. Of course I have specific things in each of these areas that I am working on that are way too personal and lengthy to put onto a blog.

I guess my point of writing all this is to say, "Yeah, I'm 25! So what?" Although, when someone does ask my age, it will be kind of fun to say things like, "It's a multiple of 5," or some really outrageous age that you know isn't right. Once I'm 30 I think I will truly lie about my age... maybe.

My birthday was great! It's kind of funny that I felt like I'd never had one before just because of how special I felt. My roommate Savannah made a really yummy ham dinner for me. My brother Kevin gave me a dozen roses, but not just any roses, FIRECRACKER roses. They are my favorite. So between dinner and presents/dessert, we went to the outer darkness of the parking lot and lit half of them. I want to save some for later. :D At ward prayer, the whole ward sang happy birthday to me accompanied by Matt Pace who plays the song in a really fun way. I was really looking forward to that part of my day, actually. After ward prayer, I invited friends over to play the game called Curses. It's a lot of fun. Overall, my day was amazing. It was even better when people guessed my age and thought I was 21 or 22. I'm I immature or do I just look young? Maybe both at times. :D

Oh, and what makes me even more excited to now be 25 is that I can now rent a car without it be outrageously expensive and a huge hassle!! What kind of car should I rent....???

One other thing I'm grateful for is that despite almost killing my Bachelor Button plant over Thanksgiving, it is still alive and actually has THREE buds on it right now. Thank you Miracle Grow because I sure needed a miracle!

A dozen roses from my brother. :D

Rose Firecracker!

My best friends Savannah and Lynnae

We have a Christmas tree in our apartment!! It's purrrtty!

Full of Thanks

2010-11-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

I am very grateful that I got to go home for Thanksgiving and that my roommates could come with me.

I am grateful that my car's throttle cord broke the night before I left rather than while on the trip and that it got fixed for a lot less than it could have been and a lot sooner.

I am grateful that I beat the huge snow storm, although it didn't ever hit Provo, it kind of jumped over it.

I am grateful that my family has fun simply by playing games and visiting with each other. We don't have to schedule everything to have fun.

Along with that, I am grateful that I have "dates" with each of my siblings and my dad. Some aren't set in stone as to what we do, but I LOVE the one-on-one time with each of them.

I am grateful that I arranged for my siblings, roommates, and I to go to Club 33 at Disneyland. I had butternut squash bisque, Lamb, and a fancy apple cobbler. My taste buds were in heaven!!!

I am grateful for the jungle cruise ride at Disneyland and my brothers who like to say the punchlines before the cast member can. It definitely drives some of them nuts! INDEED!!

I am grateful that my little bro Ryan served an honorable full-time mission for the church and that he is home now.

I am grateful that I was there to hear Ryan speak in church and talk about the really great missionary experiences he had and the things he learned. He has matured so much and I love him all the more!

I am grateful for Kelly Rummy and that even a rabbit named Jackie Chan likes to play it.

I am grateful for my nephew Tyler Kelly. One of my favorite moments this week was when Amanda, Ryan, and I locked his arms and legs down so we could tickle him. We tricked him to say "go" after he told us to "stop" so we could keep tickling him. The best part was when Amanda trapped him in her arms and he said, "I love you Amanda" to be released, then in turn, Ryan and I did the same thing so he would say "I love you Ryan," "I love you Michelle." We did it repeatedly around and around until at one point when Amanda had him trapped again, he started to say "I love you..." but he had to look up to see who was holding him before he could say, "I love you Amanda." It was the funniest thing ever.

I am grateful that my car could get fixed after the check engine light went on half way to CA. As a result, it runs so much better than it did before. It really needed a tune up!

I am grateful that on our return trip, we didn't slide off the road or flip over like some other cars we saw.

I am grateful that my amaryllis flowers didn't die and that I might be able to save my bachelor button flower. :D That's what I get for leaving it for a week without watering it.

I am grateful for Brian Jackson's homemade eggnog.

I am grateful that I got to set up my Christmas village this year because normally I'm not home to do it. My roommate Stephanie helped and so did my roommate Lynnae's little bro Brian.

I am grateful Ryan continued the tradition of putting random toys in my village and making up stories for them. It makes me happy.

Oh, and best of all... I'm grateful that Steven doesn't do drugs, although, he was pretty funny on Thanksgiving day on codine.

Alright, so here are some pictures that I am sure you are dying to see.

Amanda and I

My roommates: Lynnae, Stephanie, Savannah, and Me

Ryan and I... and Yoda.

Ryan, Amanda, Me, and Steven in line for Tower of Terror

Jungle Cruise with my brothers... the best!

Everyone who went to Club 33!

My Siblings and I at Club 33 thanks to my uncle LR!

Butternut squash bisque. It's like a thick soup that tastes like pumpkin. Appetizer at Club 33

Lamb... Mmmmm My Entree at Club 33.

My dessert at Club 33, a fancy apple cobbler.

Amanda and Emily

My Christmas village

Ryan said this was a thief breaking into a house through the chimney and a cop catching him.

Jackie Chan playing Rummy.

HP 7

2010-11-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, Yes... I know that this was a while ago, but here it is. I went to the 12:15 AM showing of the new Harry Potter movie. It was AWESOME. I dressed up as Jenny using my Gryffindor stuff and my friend Crystal dressed up as Belatrix. We had a lot of fun. I am happy to say I had the most legit gear with my scarf and my two wands. One of my wand actually glows at the end of it. Way cool. Yes, I love Harry Potter.

Friday Fun with Grandma

2010-11-19T22:23:00.001-07:00

With everyone being so busy, it ended up that no one was able to come to the planned game night at my grandma's house. I still went to visit her and had a really fun time. She really cheered me up. I had a blast talking to Ryan on video chat and can't wait to see him next week! After talking to Ryan, my grandma and I had some fun and here are the results:

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/BydWWy4HR0zolHDNqtIh

They sure got some good moves, don't they?!

Business Opportunity

2010-11-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

Last week I showed a few of my co-workers the two Oscar movies I edited for my ward Oscars Night. Right after I showed them, one of my co-workers (Jessica) talked to a neighboring classroom's teacher (Brenda) who is getting married next month and mentioned that she should ask me if I make wedding videos because that is something she (Jessica) really appreciated when she got married. Little did they know that I actually have experience making slide shows and that I have already made one wedding slide show for my brother Kevin.

They called me into the room so Brenda could ask me and I told her I would love to do it for her! She asked for a price... Um, what can you afford...?? In her case, she is working on a small budget, so I'm not too worried about what she will pay me. I almost said don't worry about it, but something inside me said that I need to allow myself to be paid for this.

Then today Brenda told me that she talked to her best friend and current wedding planner (Fae) about me doing Brenda's wedding slideshow/video. Fae was very interested about this because her daughter is getting married next month as well, so she wanted to talk to me about possibly doing her daughter's wedding video as well! I went to talk to her today and afterward I talked to my co-workers and I decided that if I am going to do this, I need to set up prices, etc to tell people.

So, I just finished doing that. I know that there are businesses that charge an arm and a leg for making wedding slide shows and videos, but I don't like that. I just want to help people preserve memories of a special relationship and occasion without adding too much to the crazy wedding expensiveness. I'm not sure how big I want this to be yet, but it is definitely something fun I can do to get a little extra money. So, for now, it my business will just have to be spread by word of mouth.

Ironically, my roommate Savannah is thinking of starting a business to take engagement and wedding pictures for not too much. Maybe we can work together. :D

Ward Oscars Night 2010

2010-11-13T14:24:00.002-07:00

Ward Oscars Night was awesome! It was really nice not being in charge of it for the first time in two years. This was the fourth annual Oscars and once again the movies were above par. We watched all 10 movies (5-9 minutes long each) and then as FHE groups we voted. My FHE group's movie, "FHE with Martha Perez" or "Star Wars" won Best Sound. Mostly that is for best sound effects, because they WERE pretty epic. All the movies were really really good this year, so it was hard to choose the best movie. I can't wait to have a copy of all the movies to show my family. After the movie screenings, we had a dance.

Here are some pictures from the night. Multiple people asked if I went some place to get my hair done... nope, it was all me. I am just that awesome. :D

A red carpet experience and a lady in red!

Some of my FHE group that was involved in making the movie.

I love these girls!

Yay for Oscars Night! At the bottom of the sign are the different trophies that people got for their awards. Yes, they came from DI.

I saw the grapes and I just had to take this picture. Good thing my friend Noah is a good sport. :D

Movies, Flowers, and Teddybears

2010-11-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

I was up until 3 AM this morning working on two movies that I edited for my ward's Oscars Night this coming Friday. I am super excited for Oscars! I am positive that my FHE group's movie will win something. As for the other movie I edited, it's cool. I had fun editing it because I got to try some new effects that I've never done before. It definitely could win something, too, although my favorite is still my group's video.

This is the first ward Oscars where I am not in charge or doing something to collect the movies or make the DVD for the night. I was in charge of the night for the last two years. I finished editing the movies this morning before work. My FHE group already had a pre-screening of our movie on Monday and the other group will see their's tomorrow night. I love seeing the reactions of people to the movies/slideshows I make, so I'm excited to go to the pre-screening even if it isn't my group's movie.

Today I received my Amaryllis flower planting kit in the mail. I was super excited to plant it because it is such a beautiful flower. A couple minutes after planting it, I got knock-knock ditched. When I opened the door, I saw on the porch a bag with my name on it. I had no idea what it was, but when I opened it, I saw another Amaryllis flower planting kit!!! I thought it was ironic to get it right after I planted the one I ordered online. I know who gave it to me because the only person I talked to about wanting that was a girl in my ward who is really into gardening. It was really nice of her to buy it for me. It definitely made my day.

The other thing that made me smile today was the boy who really loved my teddy bear when I brought it to class the other day. Almost all day, he asked the teacher where "baby bear" was and he kept looking for it all over the classroom. I tried telling him it was at my house, but he only understands Portuguese. :D Fortunately for him, this week at school we are talking about bears and tomorrow we are having a teddy bear picnic and I will bring "baby bear" or Belle back to school.

Toy Story 3

2010-11-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today at work (preschool) while I was washing some dishes after snack time, one of the kids came up to me with a sad/mad face. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Toy Story." Okay... He then when on to describe in detail what happens in Toy Story 3. Fortunately, I finally watched it (twice now) so I knew what he was talking about. I was laughing (on the inside of course) because as he told me about it, he kept saying, "And then... and then... and then..." He was so accurate in describing what happened, even down to the movements the characters made and when they said what, that I knew exactly what scenes he was talking about. The funniest moment, which made this story blog worthy, was when he said, "And then Buzz talked in Espanol... and he moved his butt!" Wow. Buzz's Spanish mode and dancing is one of my favorite parts of the movie. This kid speaks both Spanish and English so it was really funny to me that he said it that way. He described the part where they change Buzz's mode to demo by saying that after the mean guys took something out of his back, he wasn't nice to his friends anymore. This whole thing made me realize how much kids really do get when they watch movies. When I told his mom about this, she said he's watched it about five times now... no wonder he has it memorized.

Testimony

2010-11-06T08:18:00.000-06:00

I have been so full of gratitude and joy this past week that I can't begin to tell anyone how grateful I am that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know that it is the only true church on the earth. I know that because I have studied the scriptures and the words of its leaders and prayed about them for myself. The holy ghost has borne witness to my heart and mind that it is true. I know that this church is led by a living prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. I love him. He is the greatest example of Christlike service and love that I know of. I know that Joseph Smith, Jr. is a prophet and that through him, God restored the true church on the earth and restored God's power and authority once, the priesthood, once again.

I know that the Book of Mormon is true. It is another testament of Jesus Christ and confirms and expounds on those things we are taught from the Bible. I love reading it because I feel the spirit of peace and love and understanding of my eternal purpose as I do. It testifies of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and teaches plainly who I am, why I am here, and where I am going. If you haven't already read it, or if you don't already have a testimony of your own, read it and pray about it. God will let you know what you need to know.

I know that God hears and answers my prayers and that He knows and loves me personally. Everyday I am striving to improve my relationship with Him so that I can be more like Him. I know that a fullness of joy is only possible to have when I am obedient and striving my best to be like Christ through giving of myself to serve others.

I LOVE being a member of this church. There is so much about it that gives me great peace and happiness that I can't even begin to tell anyone. I think one of those things is that I know that my family and I can be together forever because of the temple. I also think it is because of the great support system I feel as I can go anywhere in the world and know that I can find people who believe and worship as I do and if I needed anything, they would help me. I have amazing friends and church leaders who help me and continue to teach me more about how to live and be more like the Savior. I am blessed with good health and many other things because I live the word of wisdom. I am also
blessed with many opportunities to serve and grow.

I know that I am a child of God and that He loves me.

My Purrrty Flower

2010-11-04T19:09:00.000-06:00

I can't tell you how excited and happy I felt today when I saw my flower blooming! And it's purple!! It is a bachelor button. I got the seeds and the pot from Sis. Parris who was in charge of family support during the Nauvoo Pageant this past summer. She wrote a note on the package of seeds that said that she hoped that it would remind me of Nauvoo and how much my testimony grew. It grew through that experience and it has continued to grow as I've tried my best to apply what I learned and to keep building my testimony. I am growing and blossoming just like this flower. The great thing is that there is definitely more to come. :D

The stone in front of the flower pot and picture is the piece of the original Nauvoo temple that I got my friend while I was there staying with her.

Crazy Week

2010-11-02T21:04:00.000-06:00

It was crazy week at my preschool this week, but it's also been a crazy exciting week for me. Here is all that I did:

I met the Backstreet Boys.

I went shopping for a formal dress with these wonderful pseudo-roommates. I resisted the huge temptation to go over my budget to purchase the pink dress I loved so much. Instead, I got one that looks great and was a lot nicer on my wallet. You will have to wait until Oscars night to see it!

I had a real Halloween with the Douglas family who I met while doing the Nauvoo Pageant this past summer. I went trick or treating with them. With Dawn, their mom, I watched the old movie Wait Until Dark, with Audrey Hepburn. Wow, that is a creepy and scary movie for being so old! I had a blast being with them.

Handing out treats for kids. Easton was a monkey for Halloween and I was a cuddle/snuggle bug with monkey sock footed pajamas, a teddy bear in pajamas and a blanket.

This is the right way to get to the goods after Halloween.

Funny Story.

We had crazy hair day at school. On this day, I walked through another classroom to do something a couple times. The first time I walked in, all the kids in that class stared at me in amazement. This is kind of how the conversation went:

"What are you staring at?"

"Your hair!"

"What about my hair? What's wrong with my hair?! I brushed it this morning!"

"It's blue!"

"What?! No it isn't."

"Yes it is!"

I then put on a scared face and looked in the mirror above the sink and screamed when I saw that I really did have blue hair. They laughed and basically said I told you so and I just smiled and left. As I left they said I was a monster.

Later, I went back in and as soon as I opened the door, two girls saw me and started screaming. The teacher looked up wondering why the girls were screaming and as I walked by I said, "It's just me." As I went back to my classroom they were still pretending to be scared of me and said that I was a vampire. That by far was the funniest part.

Hairy Dogs! Hot dogs with uncooked noodles stabbed through them and then boiled.

Provo 7 PM Kids! Yay!! All dressed up for Halloween.

This kid LOVED my teddy bear. He only speaks Portuguese, but even since he's started, he's picked up on a lot of English and is doing so much better than he was. He took care of my teddy bear all day like it was a baby. It was the cutest thing ever. He even put his Iron Man mask on it. I also saw him kiss it. :D

The Bachelor Button Flower I planted and have in my window is blooming!!

The best thing is that there is more craziness to come, such as my friends voting on which they like better, my whole wheat cinnamon rolls or my regular flour ones. MMmmmmm.... It will be delicious either way!

WOW

2010-10-27T23:29:00.000-06:00

I just ordered a starter kit to plant this flower. It's a Red Lion Amaryllis. This is one of my favorite flowers and I've been wanting to plant a bulb flower for a while now, so I just decided to go ahead and get it. I'm super excited! I planted some Bachelor Buttons a couple months ago and it surprisingly is growing really well. It even has a small bulb. I don't know if it will actually flower, but it's still exciting!

The other WOW for tonight was getting a phone call that threw me completely off guard. After getting some ice cream with friends I went back to my apartment. One of my guy friends who was there called me to ask me if we were just friends because that is what he wants it to be. He sensed the little bit of competition between me and another girl and he wanted to make sure we were on the same page. First of all, WOW because yes, there was a little bit of competition, but it wasn't that bad. At least it wasn't nearly as competitive feeling as other situations I've been in. I really wasn't trying very hard or feeling that bad about it. It just WOWs me that he picked up on it and that he would call me to ask me about it right away. I guess it just confirms to me that people, particularly guys, can read me like a book. That is a little scary, and a little embarrassing, but I'm trying to get over that and be more open to everyone, particularly guys. If they can read me like a book anyway, it doesn't really matter, right?

Lucky for me, I am interested in more than one guy at this moment so having one guy want to be just friends isn't really a big deal. I'm still just WOWed by what happened tonight because it was so unexpected.

The good news is that someday a guy that reads my open book won't want to put it down. :D

Sparks

2010-10-22T00:14:00.000-06:00

I went on the most awesome group date tonight... and there were sparks! Before you get too excited about that, you have to know what happened. I'm sure you'll be jealous. :) My friend Kunkee works in the Erying Science building on campus and has connections that allowed us to have a huge group date to tour the building and see some pretty awesome stuff. My date was in my ward and was set up by my roommate Savannah.

Because I need to go to bed, I will give the highlights of the date. We went to the anachoric and reverberation chambers. Anachoric is a room where all sound is absorbed, so there are no echos. The reverberation chamber is where everything echos. We sang a barbershop tag in each of the rooms and it was really cool.

I thought that was cool, but it got ever cooler. We were then shown a bunch of tricks that you get to see sometimes in physical science class, but we got it all in one show! Rubbing metal pipe to make a pitch, vibrating salt on metal thing that made different shapes depending on how it vibrated, everyone being shocked by a battery, a static ball where Savannah's hair shot up... oh man, it was awesome. But the best thing of all was throwing lightening and seeking sparks. Sorry to disappoint some of you, but this was way too cool.

Savannah had a wand thing that lit up showing how much electricity was going between her and the static ball. The man who gave us the tour then had her wave her hand a little and send the electricity to someone standing a inch or so away. You could hear and it see it (when the lights were off). It was definitely something the Nefarious Lady Death Moon would be seen doing, so it was awesome. The best part was when we all held hands in a line and Savannah touched the first guy's (James') hand. We did it with the lights off and we saw a huge spark but at same moment we felt an almost painful shock go through us. It was so very cool. We recorded that shock and you can hear our reactions to it.

So, yes, there were sparks on my date, just not the kind you were thinking or hoping. :)

Oh, and just kidding. The best part of this date was definitely the liquid nitrogen raspberry ice cream. It is the best ice cream in the world. Yes, you can get some at SubZero, but it just isn't quite the same to me. I'd had it once before in an English class at BYU, so I was super excited and delighted to have some again.

In the anachoric chamber

The Spark

Making the liquid nitrogen ice cream. YUMMMY!