I feel impressed to share my story. I’m not really sure where to begin, but I feel like it’s important to share. Likely this is more for me than anyone else. I’ve been on a journey lately that is important to me. No one really can understand why it’s so meaningful and important to me except for maybe my sister, Amanda. Her story is different, but it led her on a journey with the same motivations and goals in mind as mine.
My first memory of realizing that I was fat or obese happened on my 10th birthday. Toy Story had just come out and I loved it. With it being a big hit and the beginning of the holiday season, I’m assuming my mom had a hard time finding a Toy Story figurine of the main characters because she bought me one of the pig, Hamm. After I opened it, my family asked if I liked it multiple times. I said yes, but asked why they kept asking if I liked it. They said it was because they were worried that I would think they were calling me a pig by giving me Hamm as a gift. I hadn’t thought of that, but, of course, once they said that I did! I left the room crying. I kept the toy, but it was a reminder of what they had said about me.
My “nickname” during this period of my life was “Shelly Kelly with a belly full of smelly jelly”. Yes, my family, mostly my dad, actually called me that. I hated it then and I still hate it now.
My favorite after school snacks at this age were the following:
- Doritos Nacho cheese chips with ranch dressing
- BBQ rib sandwiches (small individually wrapped, fake ribs, ate more than 1)
- Beef and green chili or bean and cheese burritos (more than 1)
- Peanut butter spoons
- Big Mac (more than 1)
- Ice Cream (my favorite is still mixing crunchy PB in vanilla ice cream, but we’d also do strawberry swirl and stir it all together to make strawberry ice cream)
The list can go on, but I think you get the picture. My mom did often make meals at home, but they were salty or sugary casseroles, from a can or something premade frozen. We rarely had fresh fruits or vegetables, those we got were canned. We frequently ate take out, more so as we got older. My mom always told me she thinks I got fat because I wanted to eat the same things as my brothers and the same amount as them in order to “keep up” with them. I believed that as an excuse for a time, but now I know it’s more complicated than that.
In our church we have what is called a Fast Sunday. It’s the first Sunday of the month. When we fast, we go without food (some people also go without drink) for at least two meals. Ideally, it’s done for a purpose, like to ask for blessings for someone in need. We also donate the amount of money we would have spent on those meals to the church for those who need it. I bring this up because my family had a tradition of having a large meal, usually take out or at a buffet, the night before fasting. In my opinion, this isn’t a very healthy tradition.
When I was in 6th grade, my class went on a field trip to a science museum. There was an exhibit about bones with a scale that claimed to weigh your bones if you stood on it. I knew I was fat, so I was scared to go on it. My friends went on it, so I did, but only for a second and got off. The scale went higher for me than it did for the others, including my teacher. In my journal I wrote my bones weighed 33.5 pounds. From then on, I had in my mind that a possible reason I weighed more was because I was “big boned”.
Age 7 Age 8 Age 9
Age 10
I started journaling at a very young age. I still have my very first journal. It is in my second journal that I found the first entry that mentions my awareness of being fat.
Oct. 14, 1997 (11.5 years old)
“The picture of me that I have in between this page and the next is of me at the end of the school year last year (5th grade). Right now my hair is longer and I’m probably fatter than I was then. (The dress makes me look a little fatter)….Soon I’ll be getting a more recent school pic, but it won’t have a pencil! Plus, it will only show the top half of me! :) :)”
Age 11 Age 12
