A Year In Review

Tonight I went on a date with my best friend Kristen. She and I have been friends since my sophomore year in high school. Every time I come home, she and I go on a "date" to Baskin Robbins and we catch-up with each other. As I thought about our date last year, I realized how much has changed in my life this past year. On our date a year ago, she strongly encouraged me to move out of the place I'd lived for about 6 years or so. I told her I'd think about it. Little did I know that I really would and that conversation would lead to some major changes in my life in a very short time period.

It's hard to believe that I've only been living with my grandma for 8 months. It feels like SO MUCH LONGER! So much has happened....

As soon as I walked into my apartment door when I returned from Christmas break, I knew I needed to move out. Very soon after that, my mom called to tell me my grandma was in the hospital with congested heart failure. It was at that moment I knew where I was to move. It wasn't easy for me to make the move for MANY reasons, but I know that it was the right thing to do not only for my grandma's sake, but for mine as well. It has been VERY difficult, but I've learned so much about myself and my life. It also has been a great blessing for me, in more ways than I can enumerate.

I moved in with my grandma in April. Shortly after I moved in, part of the basement flooded and my grandma got a pacemaker put in. We had lots of visitors come and stay with us throughout the summer, mostly family coming to visit grandma, which was good for her. In June, my ward got organized into a Young Single Adult stake, which has greatly improved the ward and my opportunities of making friends and enjoyable moments here. It keeps getting better and better in that regard. In July, I was in the Nauvoo Pageant for two weeks--some of the best two weeks of my life thus far! Work wise, I started out the year in Provo going house to house in the Homebase program of Head Start and then in August I was moved to the Pleasant Grove center in the regular classroom program. It's nice to live only about two and a half miles from work!!

It may not seem like much to anyone else, but as I look back, it's amazing how far I've come this year and I hope that many great things will happen this coming year. My main goal this year is to truly use my savings account as a savings account that I don't touch except for emergencies. I want to begin saving money so that in 4-5 years I can put a down-payment on my own house. That's the plan anyway.

I Believe in Santa Claus

Today we had a really great Relief Society lesson on the symbols of Christmas where the teacher read some children books and had us look up scriptures and talk about the different symbols we see all around us at Christmas time. Before she started reading "I Believe in Santa Claus," she asked us if we all believed in Santa. I said yes, but I thought why I did for the rest of the lesson. I do believe in Santa and I will try to explain why, although I pretty sure what I'm thinking won't quite translate into words exactly.

To preface this, I'm not writing all this to boast or whatever, I just want to share an experience that has helped me gain a better understanding of what Christmas is really all about.

This past week I had the opportunity to deliver presents to a family who otherwise would not have been able to provide Christmas for their children this year. It was a tender moment to step into their house and give them two big bags of things that their children needed and wanted for Christmas- clothes, books, and toys. It was a humbling experience that I won't soon forget and hope to repeat next year. They kept telling me that I was their angel. They gave me a loaf of apple bread and a card. Part of the card said, "We want to sincerely thank you for your generosity in this time of need. Without your help, my children would not have received gifts. You are our Santa Claus in this Christmas."

Later, I was watching a Christmas movie when I started to wonder where all the letters to Santa actually go each year. So, I googled it and learned that in 1912 someone in the postal service started an organization called "Operation Santa Claus." Basically, when a letter doesn't have a complete address to Alaska or it just says North Pole on it, the letters are sorted out for "Operation Santa Claus." Postal employees open the letters and sort out the ones who are in most need. Then, people can come to the post office and look through letters and choose up to 10 letters to "answer" by buying gifts and then taking them to the post office to have them sent. Not all post offices do it, but I thought it was incredible that people could and would do that!

So, when the teacher asked if I believed in Santa, I said Yes. I said yes because there are Santas all over who are willing to give a little of what they have to answer the prayers and needs and wants of other people in need. I had the opportunity to be Santa this year and it was the best feeling in the world. Isn't that the spirit of Christmas?

I know not many actually read my blog, but I want to challenge those who do to be a Santa for someone this Christmas. It doesn't have to be answering a "Dear Santa" letter or "Sub for Santa" thing. People are in need all around us, in fact, I bet you live with at least one person who qualifies. Do something for them.

Simple things...

1. Going to temple square and bearing testimony to a friend of the Atonement as we looked at the Christus statue.
2. Laughing and hanging out with friends.
3. Watching Christmas lights that are synchronized to music.
4. Providing Christmas for a family in need.
5. Gift card from work.
6. Teaching, loving, and caring for, being hugged by and playing with sweet little children
7. Things to look forward to
8. Showers
9. Snow that doesn't stick to the ground for very long.
10. Watching the Christmas classics.

'Tis The Season

The Christmas season is FINALLY here and I'm loving it! Here are pictures from my recent adventures:

First snow, and with the warm weather, we still have roses!

Mom's Christmas village with new Hogwarts Express!

Friends in PG and I all went to Temple Square to see the lights. Had a little adventure taking the Trax to get there, but it was tons for fun for all of us.

My Christmas village!

Birthday party with all my friends

My home teacher and I hosted at the Festival of Trees and had a blast.

Tangled gingerbread house, incredible!

Weasley House

Class pets Ozzy and Teddy. They laid eggs and the first one hatched on my birthday!

Phase 6 Complete

My brother emailed the pictures of phase 5 of Christmas decorating being completed, which was garland on the fence of our house. So, that make finally putting up my Christmas village phase 6! It looks really great this year all lit up! I haven't lit my village houses in years! I just noticed all the exclamation points I've used and thought to change them, but I'm actually that excited about this! Okay, I'll stop... maybe. I will post pictures of my village on here soon!

I'm excited that tonight in just a few minutes I'm going to see the lights on Temple Square with some friends in my ward.

On Monday it's my birthday! I'm super excited to show my friends my village and decorations downstairs. Not many people actually come to my place, so it's usually just me that gets to enjoy them. Having cheesecake, Martinelli's, and grasshopper mint cookies... Mmmmm....

Today I also went shopping for my Sub for Santa family. I am grateful I can make Christmas happen for at least a couple kids this year. It's my first time doing it, so it's kind of fun and interesting.

Time to end this random post and go to Temple Square!

History of my Christmas Village

It has been amazing to be home with my family! I love it! My favorite part was spending pretty much the whole weekend putting up Christmas decorations and laughing at my four-year-old nephew. He is hilarious. Yesterday we put up the village. We started the village when I was in high school because my mom wanted me to have a collection of some sort. Some of my siblings wanted in on the fun of making a village, so they got some houses of their own, which eventually required the use  of the entire front room to showcase our village houses.

At first, my village was just a random collection, but eventually my mom began buying me houses or people that represented something about me or my life that year, so we've kept that tradition. Almost every item in my village tells something about me or my life. I have about 25 "items" in my village now. I say items because not everything in my village is a house. This year I actually got three things to add to my village: a house to represent me moving into my grandma's basement, a teddybear shop because I collect teddy bears, and a train because I rode a train for the first time this year. I am super excited to have a train in my village now! It even blows smoke and has a whistle!

I loaded up my car yesterday and it is packed full of my village and other things I am taking back with me. I'm hoping to set up my village on Tuesday night, at least start setting it up anyway.

As I started setting up my mom's village, I thought about how much work it is every year to take down all the boxes, figure out how to display it, take all of the things out of their boxes, etc. and I wondered if we were crazy for even doing it. I started out doing it by myself, but then I decided to wait until others could help me because that is what has made having a village so meaningful. The time we spend doing it means the world to me. Not everyone helps set it up, but they still do something to add to it. Ryan every year has put random toys in the village and told me the story of how they came to be there. I will really miss that about not having my village at home. Each year it is a different story and I look forward to it.

There is more I can say, but this will have to do. I have family dinner to go to !!

Tender Mercies

I finally made it home after a slight delay. The cover of my gas lid wouldn't open when I pulled the button, so I went to my reliable friends in Provo who pried it open for me-- meaning, he broke the lock so now it can just be opened. I am actually grateful he broke it...

By some miracle, or a dozen miracles I'd say, I was able to stay awake all through the night to make it home at 4 AM. By then I'd been awake almost 23 hours and I was struggling. I don't think I'll drive alone at night ever again like this, or at least night leave just before 9 PM. It was worth it though. Anything is worth it to spend time at home with my family. I love my family.

Yesterday we began decorating for Christmas. That's right, the day before Thanksgiving. We have lots of decorations and usually we get grumpy and really tired when we try to do it all on the day after Thanksgiving, so I am really grateful we started yesterday. It was nice to know we had plenty of time and could just enjoy it all. We put up the tree and decorated it and put up garland and other decorations in the kitchen and family room. I sorted through the ornaments and my mom sorted through the angels so I can take them back to UT with me to decorate my own place. We listened to Christmas music and I just loved every moment of it. It was also fun to see how excited Tyler was to do little things to help decorate. He is getting so big!

Phase 1 of decorating is complete. Phase 2 will be setting up the village. I am going to bring all my village houses to UT with me, so I will sort though them all. It will be interesting to see how much space I will have left in my car after I put them all in. Before starting Phase 2, my daddy and I must play pool. We set the village up on the ping pong table that goes on top of the pool table, so to get our games in, we will play today. I like my little pool games with my daddy.

Thanksgiving dinner we are going out to Home Town Buffet. Most people think that is really odd, but it's something that we've done many times since I was in high school or younger. We still do have it at home some years, but only when I or someone else requests it. Mostly it's because it's a hassle to cook and clean up after, so it's easier for my mom. Afterward, we are going to have a Harry Potter marathon.

Sometime this weekend I will also be helping Amanda put in her college application to BYU. So exciting!!

Now, to give thanks. I have so much to be grateful for this year. It has been a very challenging year for me, with a lot of growing up experiences. I am grateful that I moved into my grandma's basement- to have my own HUGE room and space to make the beginnings of my own home. I am also grateful for my friends. It was a really rough start, but there are a few individuals who have been there for me from the very beginning. I've also made many friends in the past couple months who have helped me in so many ways that I can't even begin to express enough gratitude for them. I am also grateful that I have a job I love that teaches me new things everyday about the kind of person I want to be and prepares me to be the kind of wife and mother I want to become. I am also very grateful for my family and the traditions we do together. I am grateful that they love me for who I am and are always there for me, supporting me in all that I do. It's just amazing to me to have a group of people who know me so well and they love me for everything that I am. They have helped me to become who I am and I am grateful for that, too.

Now, time to play some pool with my daddy!!

Thanksgiving

A speaker at church today said that she refuses to set up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving because she wants to remember Thanksgiving. At first, I laughed and looked at a couple of my friends who have already started decorating for Christmas and listening to Christmas music like I have. I also kind of got a little defensive because she made it sound like it was a HORRIBLE thing to start decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving. Of course, it's not a horrible thing and it's just her personal opinion. The point she was trying to make is that Thanksgiving is an important holiday, too, and shouldn't be passed over.

I assure you, I haven't forgotten Thanksgiving.

I'm trying to be more thankful or express gratitude all year round, just like I try to give service to people all year round and not just at Christmastime. However, the speaker gave me a good idea. Thanksgiving can be a day that I express thanks to specific people--a special thing and not just a general "I'm thankful for... " that we sometimes say before we eat Thanksgiving dinner.

To me, Thanksgiving and Christmas go hand-in-hand because they are both all about being with my family-enjoying them and showing my love and appreciation for them. It's also a time for me to show my love and appreciation for my family and friends in a little different way than I normally do. I am not a huge gift giver, so it really is a special or significant thing for me to show my love in this way once a year.

This time of year is when I am the most happy. There are just so many things that I love about this time of year, it was hard to postpone putting up decorations to start feeling that holiday spirit myself even if no one else is. Plus, decorating early has brought me some really fun reactions from people, and that has only added to my happiness.

I am SUPER excited to go home on Wednesday to visit my family!! I'm helping Amanda with her college application to BYU. It's weird to think she will most likely be out here next year going to college. I am excited for her to start her own new adventure!

Friends

I realized something this past week that really made me happy- I have friends. Okay, I already knew I had friends, but I didn't realize until this week how many friends I have made here in PG. I didn't have work for most of this past week, so a few nights this week I was able to stay out a little later watching movies or just talking and laughing with my friends. Tonight at the CES fireside, I looked down the row where I was sitting and saw that my friends and I filled up the whole row plus some. It's amazing. I don't know most of them super well, but that is coming.

With that said, tonight I decided that I needed to change my birthday party plans. I was thinking to do a fancy dinner party with my china dishes and a small group of friends that have really helped me transition into living here. But now I'm thinking that will have to wait until another time. As I sat at the fireside surrounded by some of my new friends, I felt like I wanted them all to be invited to come if they want to. Why not? So, now I'm going to have cheesecake and martinelli's in my fancy glasses and a game night. I might even get some chocolate mint cookies and have hot chocolate if anyone wants it. It's simple and that's perfect for me.

I am just really grateful to have friends that I can laugh with, tease, and just have fun with. I've been missing that aspect of Provo since I got here and now it's finally starting to come.

Speaking of friends, a couple of my friends helped me unbury my Christmas tree and set it up as well as move some things around so I can set up my Christmas village. I'm so excited for Christmas. One of those friends is giving me a hard time about getting him into the Christmas spirit too early, but whatever.

For some reason, I just really needed to start Christmas a little earlier this year. I got most of my shopping done already and I am probably going to decorate my tree this week. I have to wait until I go home for Thanksgiving to get all my ornaments, angel collection, and Christmas village collection to set up. It just feels good to decorate and think about what I will do this Christmas season. I signed up to do Sub for Santa this year. It's similar to a family tradition my family had and so I thought it would be a good thing to start doing on my own until I have my own family. I'm excited to do things with my friends and go home!! It will be an awesome holiday season!

Donut Falls and Other Adventures

This past week has been quite an adventure. A week ago I escaped reality by hanging out with two of my best friends, Savannah and Lynnae, in Salt Lake. It felt like old times and it was amazing! We stayed up until 3 in the morning talking and then hiked to Donut Falls the next day. Now, a week later, I really wish I were back with them, feeling like I did with them. Good news is that I made it to the falls this time and without breaking anything! Here are a couple of pictures:

Work this week was emotionally exhausting, to say the very least. It is so hard to learn about what the kids have to deal with at home knowing the only thing I can do to help them is love them and be the very best teacher I can be. Many things have come to the surface this week that make me ache for these kids and wish I could take them home and take care of them myself--or have my own kids to love and take care of.

Monday, we had a child throw up at lunch. Tuesday, I had to help a child through a kind of seizure. Technically, it's something like holding breath syndrome, but he's been doing it since he was 3 weeks old, so there's got to be something more to it than seeking attention. He's the child that I've thought a lot about at home this week. He is going through so much right now. Wednesday we had a field trip to the dentist. The field trips went well, considering how the previous two days went. We did spontaneously buy two society finches when we randomly went to a pet store after the dentist with our kids. I've recently really have wanted to get pet birds, so it's kind of fun to finally have some even though they aren't mine. The kids haven't named them yet, but we will do that on Tuesday. One of the problems with the birds are that we failed to remember that one of our kids in the afternoon has asthma... not good. So, we may end up having to get rid of them. Oh well, I guess. :(

Thursday, so much happened that I can't even get into it, but it was enough that I really had to keep myself in check that I didn't become the cranky co-worker on "Happy Cranky Co-worker Day." Needless to say, I am very much looking forward to my 3 days off of work next week! Today was parent teacher conferences and I had a long list of things I needed to get done, which I was very happy I was able to do despite feeling so overwhelmed and just tired of being at work this week.

On the bright side, I started scrapbooking again! Just about every night this week I've scrapbooked while rewatching season 4 of Chuck. It felt so good! Tonight I finished scrapbooking pictures of things I've done since I've moved here except for pictures from my Nauvoo Pageant experience this year, which I will probably start tomorrow. It feels so good to accomplish something. Scrapbooking just gives me so much joy. I know, it's weird, but that's me. :)

On the not-so-bright side, when my grandma went to the doctor on Thursday, she fainted in the waiting room. Afterwards, they did blood tests and everything came back normal, so they think that she may just be dehydrated. I wouldn't be surprised. She's had numerous dizzy spells lately, so I'm actually glad that she fainted when she was there so they could know about it and try to help her. I just really wish that she hadn't driven herself home after that. It makes me nervous every time she drives, even more so to think that she drove after she fainted! I also wish she had called me and I could have helped her. On Monday she will have an echocardiogram done. They will do an ultrasound on her heart to see exactly how it is functioning now that she's had some treatments done to help her with her congested heart failure. That should help us know where she's at in the disease and what needs to be done to continue helping her feel comfortable.

Oh, and for those of you who don't already know, my dad got a job! He was only out of work for about two weeks, which was awesome!

Random Thoughts

For the past many years I've told people that I don't really like Halloween. I've been thinking about it, and I decided that I do like Halloween except for two things about it--scary and gruesome. I think it's kind of cool that one day a year we can dress up as anything we want to just for fun and then it's okay to go around to neighbors (or strangers) houses to receive a treat. It's a fun holiday in that way. I just really, really don't like the feelings of being scared or the gruesome decorations, etc. that come with Halloween. Hence, why it is my least favorite holiday.

Speaking of holidays, I've been thinking a lot about the holiday season and the spirit that fills the air during the season. Yes, it's commercialized, but I do my very best not to get into that by doing what I can to personally make it a time of year to celebrate my Savior's birth and show my love for family and friends. I do my best all year round to remember the Savior and serve others, but there is just something about this time of year that just makes me so happy. In the past, I've tried to make my Christmas gifts to family and friends meaningful. Usually they've been homemade gifts, but I'm really struggling to know what else I can do. I don't normally express my love through gift giving, so that's another reason why Christmas is a special time for me to show my love for my family.

I've debated just buying gifts like everyone else in the world, but then I think about my financial situation. I just looked at my dental insurance claims (because they've finally been processed) and it makes me sick to think how much I have to pay for the implant. I know it's what I needed to do, but it still makes me sick thinking about it. I should be able to pay it off fairly quickly, but it won't be without some sacrifice. I'm used to doing that by now anyway, but it sure makes Christmas a little more difficult to figure out.

I am super excited for the holiday season to begin. When I was younger, my family and I did the 12 days of Christmas for a family. We would give them one piece of the Nativity everyday with a nice little phrase or scriptures and a goody. We also usually chose a family who we would provide "Christmas" for if we knew they were in need. I will never forget those traditions and how they made me feel closer to Christ. I want to continue these traditions in my own family, starting now. Right now I don't have the funds to provide Christmas for a family in need, but I can do the 12 days of Christmas thing. There also may be a way that I can start doing the other tradition without spending too much money... I don't know. Anyway, I spent some time online tonight looking stuff up and now I'm really excited to get started. I'm not sure who I will do the 12 days of Christmas for yet, but it will be great.

I'm also really excited to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I always look forward to setting up my Christmas village the day after Thanksgiving. This year, though, I'm going to bring some (if not all) of my village back to UT with me to set up in my basement to enjoy. I have a house or piece of the village to represent every year of my life. Since it will be my home for a while, I might as well, really make it feel like home. I also want to set up a Christmas tree and decorate it with my ornaments I've collected over the years. I hope my mom will be okay with that, mostly because I didn't think I'd want to do that until I was married. We've purposely collected Christmas houses, ornament, and angels enough that when I take them away, my mom will still have some to set out. I know it won't be the same, but it's something I want to do. If anything, it would be good to give my future husband a really good warning about what he'd be getting himself into if some day, when he is dating me, he has to help me set up the village! That will be the day I will find out if he REALLY likes me! My family and I joke about this EVERY year we set up the village. This year I am going to recruit my home teachers to help me. I'll consider it a trial run.

No work for the last two days of this week! I've got some awesome plans that I'm super excited about. It's about time for a reunion with my best friends, Savannah and Lynnae!

Reasons? Who needs 'em!

Yesterday morning I decided that I wanted to dress up to go to see the play My Fair Lady in West Valley City. I wasn't going with anyone, but I felt like I wanted to dress up for it. I didn't want to just look nice, I wanted to look and feel BEAUTIFUL for me and not for anyone else. So, I decided to wear my formal red dress that I bought for Oscars Night last year. Why not? I asked my friend Anna, who loves styling hair, if she'd like to do it for me. While she did it, I decided to ask her if she wanted to go to Olive Garden with me since I wanted to do more than go to the play by myself. I also asked one of my home teachers if he'd humor me by joining us in our spontaneous formal night. Besides, even though I was looking beautiful for myself, a part of me still wanted a guy to see it.

The night couldn't have been better. Considering it was gradually put together in one day, it was exactly how I wanted it and more. I went to the play and got many compliments on my dress and hair. I might have stood out like a sore thumb, but I didn't care. The show itself was really good. I was impressed with the stage and the costuming. The acting was really good, too. It wasn't until after the play the I heard back from my home teacher that he would join us. He was incredible. I didn't expect him to treat us girls like it really was a formal occasion by opening our doors to let us in AND out of the car, among other things. The servers were really fun, too. They kept asking us why we were all dressed up and they didn't believe us when we told them that we really didn't have reason except because I felt like it. I think we were the talk among the servers last night, which was kind of fun. The food was yummy and I really loved talking to my friends. It felt good to get to know them better and feel like I do have friends here who I can do random things like this with. Here are some pictures from last night and from some adventures from the past month or so:

Shooting with my ward for FHE. First time ever and it was a bit scary!

 

My classroom "Den" and tree that we made.

And, of course, just a few of the reasons why I teach preschool...

77 Days and Counting...

This past week it suddenly got cold in Utah... it even flurried a little. It was a little surprising only because we've had perpetual spring all summer long until these last couple of weeks. It was even more surprising to me, though, that on that first cold morning, as I climbed into my car (with seat warmers), I got excited. I usually dread winter in Utah because I hate driving and walking in the snow, but something about being cold and then warming up in the car reminded me of Christmas, or more specifically, the holiday season and all the memories I have associated with it. November and December are my favorite months of the year. Usually starting Nov. 1st, I feel a certain joy of the spirit of friendship, family, and togetherness. I love making and seeing people happy. The spirit of the holidays to me is the spirit of celebrating all that I hold dear to my heart. Most importantly, I love feeling the spirit of Christ most every where. Of course there is commercialism of Christmas, but I try not to let that destroy how I celebrate all the reasons why I am grateful and the birth of my Savior. Usually this spirit or feeling doesn't come to me until after Halloween, but this week I already felt it and I am feeling so happy! My life is wonderful (which reminds me to watch my favorite movie...)! The Lord has truly given me the strength and peace I need to carry all the responsibilities I have in my life right now.

With all that said, I've already started thinking about decorating my little basement for Christmas. I've decided that when I go home for Thanksgiving, I want to take some, if not all, of my Christmas village houses back to Utah with me so that I can set them up to enjoy. I also have thought about setting up and decorating my own Christmas tree. My grandma has one she decorates all year-round, but I want my own tree down in the basement. The only problem with that is that it's buried beneath all the stuff I went through and stored away for Grandma. Yeah, it's at the very bottom of everything... it was the first thing I put in there. Awesome. So, I am going to recruit my home teachers to help me unearth it and set it up. All the while, I am going to play Mannheim music, just like we do at home. :D My home teachers are going to love me even more after this! ;)

Prophets Speak Today

I am so grateful for my testimony of the doctrines taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am grateful that there are living prophets on the earth today. I KNOW that Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet and he and the apostles speak God's word to the world today.

Today I had the opportunity to hear them speak in person. As I walked into the large conference center surrounded literally by thousands of people, I was filled with gratitude. I've attended general conference many times before today, but for some reason, all those people holding up signs asking for extra tickets made me realize how great an opportunity and blessing it is to sit in the same room as the Lord's chosen prophet and apostles. I think it's easy to take it for-granted when I live in Utah and have had many opportunities to be in the presence of apostles and prophets. That will never happen again.

As I waited for the conference to start, I watched as the apostles slowly made their way in to take their seats on the stand. Many of them chatted with each other for a while, embraced each other, or touched each other on the arm or shoulder to show their love and care. It reminded me of my experiences in the Nauvoo Pageant and how we cast members did those same gestures because we really FELT that love for one another, on and off stage. Immediately, that made me realize what seems obvious, but really increased my testimony of having living prophets and apostles today. I realized that these apostles (Quentin L. Cook, Russell M. Nelson, Dallin H. Oaks, Boyd K. Packer, etc.) are no different than the apostles of the early restored church (Parley P. Pratt, Heber C. Kimball, Brigham Young, etc.) that I've learned about and seen portrayed on stage and have come to know and love. In fact, they are no different than the apostles that Christ called when he ministered on the earth! As I watched these great men interact, I imagined I was watching Heber C. Kimball or Parley P. Pratt, and I gained a greater appreciation for what these men do and I KNEW, once again, that they were called by God for us today. When President Monson walked in and we all stood in silent respect, I felt the spirit witness to me, again that he is the prophet. Yes, it would AMAZING to hear the prophet Joseph Smith speak, and I would stand in respect of him just as I did President Monson, but I know that Thomas S. Monson was called to be our prophet today, to tell me what I need to know in today's world. It's an incredible blessing. I couldn't help but wonder what an apostle and prophet's life is like today since I've read so much about what it was like for the early prophets and apostles. They are just ordinary men, but they are GREAT men and I am grateful for the humble service they do to forward God's work on the earth.

On a side note, the hardest thing to do is to not do something I want to do. In this I am referring to wanting to apply to be in the family cast of the Nauvoo Pageant again, but I feel that is not what I am to do. I AM, however, to audition to be in the core cast of the pageant. That is a bigger deal, but there is a good chance I won't be selected and I wouldn't be in the pageant at all. Even though it is difficult to accept, I have to trust that God has something better planned for me and that is all I can do. For now, though, I am doing all I can to prepare for the audition in January and trusting that it will all work for my good, whatever happens.

Here we go again...

There are somethings you'd love to do again, but there are other things you wish you never had to experience even once, and one of those things is your dad being laid-off. That's right, my dad got laid off from his job today. I still can't believe it, but sooner or later, reality has to set in. Even though I am supporting myself with my own job, hearing that my dad got laid off is really hard. I feel the familiar weight of it all even though it doesn't affect me directly.

My dad went through a few jobs when I was a kid, but I was too young to remember what it was like to really know how it affected the family. However, the last two times he's been laid off stand out clearly in my mind like it was yesterday. This is the third time he's been laid off in 5 years' time. I think part of why it's affecting me so much is because I felt like they were finally starting to recover from the past lay-offs that resulted in so many financial issues.

The first time I remember distinctly because I was home from college for the semester so that they could go to Thailand for a two week tour. It was when he was going to go back to work (after they gave him a sabbatical) that they called him to tell him he was laid off and he'd go back to get his things. It was awful. I'm so glad I was home when it happened, though. It was the beginning of some really difficult times for my family and it was good to be with them to go through it until I went back to school. I just realized that this happened almost exactly 5 years ago. How ironic. I know that I learned a lot about my parents and my siblings during that difficult time and I grew closer to them because of it. I think we all grew a little closer to the Lord, too.

The second time was a couple years later. I remember I had just been talking to my mom a few days before about how excited I was that I didn't have to stress so much about grades because I wouldn't have to have a scholarship to finish my last year of school. I remember exactly where I was when my mom called me to tell me that my dad got laid off again. I was in the BYU Library on the second floor doing homework in the periodicals section. I paced back and forth in front of those doors and cried as I felt the bombshell hit and the financial security be blown away. The worst part was that without a scholarship, we weren't sure we would be able to afford for me to finish my last year of school. That was the worst feeling in the world. I think that is what made graduating from BYU even more of a miracle to me. I've learned since that my parents made huge sacrifices to get me there... causing them to file for bankruptcy a year or so after I graduated. I won't ever forget that.

This time when the bomb hit, I'm personally in a better situation, so it wasn't as bad, but it's still really hard. My family is everything to me, so whatever happens to them, happens to me in some degree. I hope with all my heart that this won't keep Amanda from being able to go to BYU. It's been her dream as long as it was mine when I was her age. In some ways, I feel the worst for Amanda because she's had to deal with all this in her teenage years, although I'm sure it's taught her a lot.

My family has been very blessed these past 5 years, so it hasn't all been bad. I believe the greatest blessing was Ryan being able to serve a mission. Being where I am today is a great blessing, too. I know the Lord is mindful of my family and will bless us. I just ask that prayers be sent our way that he can find a job soon.

In Over My Head??

I think I might be in over my head, although, I just thought of a quote by Joseph Smith where he said, "Deep water is what I'm wont to swim in." That just may be the case with me right now.

This morning I got a call from a counselor in the bishopric where he said they had a new calling to give me. Okay! I figured it wouldn't be long before I'd be put back into a leadership position of some sort and not just on a committee. It turned out that it wasn't just a new calling, it was ANOTHER calling in addition to my current calling. He said that it's a "rare thing" for them to do, but they felt that I could handle it. So, now I am the Relief Society Visiting Teaching Coordinator and I am still on the FHE committee. Although it's going to be a little hard having both callings, I consider it a tender mercy and answer to prayer that I got this second calling. Just before he called, I was thinking about some things I know that I should be doing and had decided that I would ask the RS president what I can do to help her so that I can do more to serve the sisters in RS. Well, I got my answer! It just reconfirmed to me that Heavenly Father is aware of my desires and knows what I need to continue to grow and feel happy.

So now I have two callings. Despite feeling that it is a good calling for me to have right now, I am feeling overwhelmed. Not just with my callings, but with life and responsibility. I know I can do it all with the Lord's help, but it's still hard and I often have moments of great anxiety. In a talk given to YSA's last Sunday, Sister Oaks said that she was counseled in a blessing when she was single and having a hard time that if she couldn't handle the difficulties of life when she is single, she could never handle the difficulties of life when she is married. That really hit me and made me want to do better in handling the many challenges I have to face right now. To be honest, dating/relationships is not even on the plate of concern right now. I have so many other things I am trying to do that dating/relationships I have just put into the hands of the Lord, because I have done and am doing all that I can. Besides, another thing Sis. Oaks said that I already felt was that I should be more concerned about becoming the best disciple of Christ that I can be than about getting married. That is sound advice that I am definitely striving to follow.

I don't want to spell out all the things I am experiencing that are making me feel overwhelmed, but I just wonder if it's one of those moments where there is something I SHOULD let go of or if I really am doing all that I am supposed to be doing and it just happens to be A LOT. If so, the Lord sure believes that I am up to the challenge. Overall, I feel the guidance of the Lord in my life and decisions and He will help me figure out what is most important for me to do at this time. In the mean time, I will be swimming in some deep water.

Home Teachers!

FINALLY, after being in my ward for 6 months, I got home teachers!! I can't count how many times I've needed my home teachers these past 6 months and haven't had anyone reliable to call on. I've missed having them, partly because there is a sense of security I feel knowing that priesthood holders are watching out for me and are there for me when I need them. It's especially important to me now that I am living where it's just me and my grandma with few visitors most of the time. I'm hoping having home teachers will also help me get to know more people in the ward.

Work is still stressful. I'm not going to get into all of it, but it's been a really rough week and just thinking about it makes me feel anxious. It's not the kids, they are as cute as can be. It's all the other stuff. It's not coworkers either. Thankfully I work with some really great women. I'm hoping that things will settle down in a month or so as I get used to how things have to be. I feel like I'm learning a whole new position with all the changes that are happening. So much of it I can't change and so I don't think it's good for me to complain about it in specifics, but instead humble myself and do what I have to do. It doesn't help at all when coworkers complain to me about it all though. It makes it even harder for me to be positive and just do it.

I've been thinking and learning a lot about humility lately. I have so much to learn and I am grateful for the learning experiences I'm having to help me learn more and more about it even though it does make life seem a little bit harder.

Something that really helped me today was lots of time to study in the scriptures this morning and then going to the CES fireside tonight. Sis. Oaks, Elder Oaks' wife, spoke first and said exactly what I needed to hear right now. She helped the Spirit confirm to me that I am on the right track, doing exactly what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. He knows my needs and desires and what I'm going through perfectly. I'm grateful for her inspired words to remind me of somethings that give me encouragement to keep up doing what I'm doing.

Phase One Complete

Yesterday I completed phase one of receiving my new tooth! Fortunately, I survived the sedation part... I was a little nervous about that. It turned out to be very nice. I didn't get loopy or anything like that and I didn't feel too weird afterward.

The great news is that the dentist was able to put in the bone graft AND the implant post all in one shot. There was a chance that there wouldn't be enough existing bone for him to put the post in, but there was! The other good news is that he put in a temporary fake tooth there so I don't have to wear my retainer! Right now it there are stitches wrapped around the fake tooth and the teeth beside it, so it looks like something from Frankenstein or something. My jaw/chin is a bit sore. I iced it all afternoon yesterday. For 48 hours I am to take it easy so it doesn't bleed, so what am I doing? Watching Chuck, of course! I watched all of season one yesterday...

I don't feel like I can really chew foods right now, so I'm having to work around that. Yesterday it hurt to even open my mouth all the way to talk, but today it is a little better. It's a holiday on Monday, so it will be nice to have an extra day to recover before going back to school/work.

I have an appointment in two weeks where he will most likely remove the stitches. After that I will have check up appointments until the dentist believes it is healed enough to get the crown put on by my regular dentist. That procedure isn't bad, so I probably won't be sedated. I have to wait four months before I get the crown, most likely, so sometime between December and February, I will finally have a tooth there again!

Sharing

Recently I've been experiencing situations where it's not good to share and where more sharing should be allowed to happen.

For the first situation, the central office is trying an experiment with my class and the class next door in which we have to share a classroom aide. They want us to prove that a classroom aide is needed because they would like to save money by not having classroom aides anymore. On Tuesday, we spent about 2 hours together trying to figure out how we could all get our breaks, that are required legally, as well as have the proper supervision ratio of teachers/students, which is also required. It was pretty much impossible. We figured out a way to do it, if the office would allow the lunch aide who serves both classes to get an extra half an hour added to her time each day so she could be with us when we are outside so we can get our breaks. I'm guessing it got approved, because we went ahead and put our plan into action today, and it went smoothly. If this alone doesn't prove we need them, I don't know what will.

The part that didn't go smoothly as a result of our plan was our actual class schedule. The outside times have to be at certain times in order for us to have the lunch aide there to help us, so we have to adapt our schedule to that. The morning class went okay. We were all a bit frazzled because it was the first day and we are learning by trial and error of what we each need to do to make things work. The afternoon class, however, was a flop. We ended up have an extra hour of time and so we just let the kids play in the classroom. They couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes at the circle, which is expected for 3 year olds, but 4 year olds usually do at least a few minutes longer than that. Granted, it was only the first day, and we understood that. The main problem we have is a huge block of time after outside time that we don't know what to do with the kids when they've already played in the classroom for an hour before outside time. Outside time is already 45 minutes instead of the usual half an hour, so when it gets cold and that is shorter, we will have a lot longer time to fill in the classroom. The schedule feels so disjointed and backwards to me. Part of that is also because we can no longer have a half an hour arrival and pick up time like we used to and kids have to be served food at certain times. Mmmm that's where that extra time came from!

Overall, the first day wasn't that bad. Tomorrow the second half of each class will come and it will feel like Groundhog's Day because we will be doing the same exact things, even down to what we are eating for snacks and lunch. Fun! I'm just a little nervous to have all 16 kids come on Tuesday! It will be absolutely insane. We will handle it, though, I'm sure.

The other aspect of sharing I mentioned was a situation where we should be able to share more. On Tuesday we were told by HR the difference between exempt and non-exempt employees. The teacher is exempt and the assistant teacher is non-exempt. Exempt means that the teachers work until the job is done, whether it takes more than their required 40 hours a week or less.  They do not get paid overtime. Non-exempt means assistant teachers (like myself) are required to work 40 hours a week and they get paid time-and-a-half if they work overtime. HOWEVER, federal regulation for our program says that no part of the federal funding can go toward paying overtime, which means, if assistant teachers work any overtime that is not pre-approved by our director, we will be subject to disciplinary action. Yikes.

What this means in real life is, that as soon as the clock hits 4:30 pm, I HAVE to leave otherwise I am going against the law and could possibly be fired. With that said, I could be helping clean up the classroom or preparing the classroom for the next days activities (which I may be in charge of teaching) or there might be some paper work or other project the teacher needs my help doing and I will HAVE TO leave when my 8 hours are up and leave the rest for the teacher to do. If I do go over, I will have to leave early on Friday, which is my preparation day. This all leaves very little time for the teacher and I to talk to each other about the class or coordinate things on a day to day basis. It also means the teachers get the short end of the stick and have to carry the heavy load of responsibilities all by themselves. It's ridiculous. They also said no "volunteering" my time to help the teacher or working at home. So... when am I supposed to get done what I am supposed to do, like planning? I know it's a legality issue, but if that is the case, why not make assistant teachers exempt? Seriously, because most assistant teachers will most likely "volunteer" their time or work at home anyway and lie on their time sheets anyway. I can't honestly do that myself, but it will be really hard to not be able to help my teacher as much as she needs me to help her. It will also be hard to not have enough time to do what I need to do for my own teaching preparation.

On a more positive note, one of the kids that came today only could remember my name from when we visited her house so she kept calling the other teacher my name. It was cute. Then to have the kids try to say my name is really cute, too. The kids in the afternoon class really wanted to include me in their dramatic play and I absolutely loved it. One little boy wanted to play "house and robots." I was a robot and he fed me lots and lots of "food." Yum.

Chugging Along

I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog, but here's an update on what I'm up to now. This past week my co-teacher and I attempted to visit all 30 of our kids. We are required to visit each child's home before they start school so we can get an idea about the home situation of the child and so they can fill out require paperwork for them to come. Each visit is about half an hour to an hour long. I play games with the kids (the fun part) and take notes while the teacher (Miss Julie) talks with the parent(s). It's exhausting to visit more than 4 families in one day! We got most of the kids, but with class list changes, we will most likely have more home visits to do in the coming weeks.

The other thing we attempted to do was start setting up our classroom. Neither one of us worked in this classroom before, so we have no idea what we have to work with and no time to actually go through. Everyday this week we've swapped furniture or other items from a closed classroom so we have things that are in better condition. Most of the stuff in our classroom is fairly old and ugly. We figured out where we want the different "centers" of the classroom to be, but it still looks like a disaster and there is so much stuff to do and we don't have time to do it unless we work over time. Over time is a big no-no for asst. teachers like me because we are paid hourly, but that puts the load on the teacher and she is super stressed. It's awful. I wouldn't be surprised to find out she worked in the classroom on Saturday....

The greatest obstacle here is that we only are given another 1/2 day to set up the classroom between now and when class is to start. All the other time we are in training all day long. It's going to be a really rough and stressful next few weeks.

On a more positive note, I love living only 8 minutes from the center I work at. It's awesome! I am really excited to work with Julie. She has a bear theme that she does things with all year long, which it perfect because I love bears! She and I get along well. If all goes like it should next year, we should be working together again next year, which right now sounds great! She worries and stresses more than I do, so sometimes she stresses me out even more, but it will be okay.

I work a full day and then M-F each night I have church activities that I go to. Thursday night I try to be home and spend time with my grandma. The most difficult task is getting to bed when I need to. I have to be in bed no later than 10 PM so I can wake up at 6 AM to get ready for work. That means leaving activities at 8:30 or so, which is a big bummer when that is the only social time I have during the week. I'm getting used to it though, so I should be okay.

So, I'm keeping very busy trying to do the same ol' same ol' balancing of life and things. My grandma is doing pretty good right now, too.

School starts August 31st and then I get my implant on Sept. 2nd! Should be great!

No Pressure!

There was an article in the BYU Alumni magazine about Brian Crane, the creator of the comic strip called Pickles. I read this one and it made my family history nerd happy. I couldn't find it online so I have to just type what it says. Enjoy!

Grandfather: Have you been a good by lately, Nelson?
Nelson: Yeah, I guess.
Grandfather: Good. A lot of people are counting on you.
 Nelson: Like who?
Grandfather: Let me put it this way... You have two parents, each of them had two parents, and they had a total of four parents. Those are you grandparents, of which I am one.

Then there were eight great-grandparents, sixteen great-great grandparents, and thirty-two great-great-great grandparents.

If you figure twenty five years between generations, only five hundred years ago there were, let's see...
... One million, forty eight thousand, five hundred and seventy-six people all involved in the creation of YOU.

That's a lot of folks counting on you to make something of yourself, boy. So... DON'T LET US DOWN!

Nelson: Geez! Peer pressure is nothing compared to ancestor pressure!

Dear Tooth Fairy...

Dear Tooth Fairy,
Remember about a year ago when I lost that tooth when that dumb guy was climbing down the side of the mountain letting down rocks and one hit me? Well, that tooth was shattered into a million little pieces, so it was impossible for me to put the tooth under my pillow for you to come and exchange it for money. You still do that right? Since I'm older now, and I lost the tooth in such a traumatic experience, I think that I should get a bit more money than most other people get when you come. I've been a good girl, haven't I? Oh wait, that's Santa Clause. Anyway, I'm anxiously awaiting your reply.

Michelle

PS If you could let me know in the next 3 weeks (by September 2nd to be exact), that would be great! That's when I'm getting the FAKE tooth put in to replace the one that was shattered.

PPS You can write me a check if you don't have that much cash on you, just so you know. :)

And so it begins...

Today was my first day back to work after a very short, but eventful and enjoyable summer. I am still working as a preschool teacher, but this year I will be working in Pleasant Grove! I'm very excited to work at a new location with some really great teachers. These first few weeks are training. We have a new director who has made many really great changes to our program, but that means we have to be trained on all the changes. Although the changes are really great, I noticed about half way through the training today that my neck and shoulders are ALREADY tightening up. I love my job, but I realized today how much stress it gives me. I've come to ignore the stress and just work through it, but my body doesn't ignore it, ever. It just tightens up and causes neck pain and encourages stress eating. I gained a lot of weight while working here mainly because of stress eating, so it's my goal this year to not give into it like I have in the past. Instead I need to exercise and drink more water. I hope that solution helps!

But with all that said... anyone want to give me a free neck/shoulder massage?

Bless Your Soul!

I can actually hold a baseball bat right and hit and hit the ball! Who knew, right? I haven't hit a ball that good... ever! A friend actually complimented me and said that I was good and coordinated...that's the first time I've gotten that compliment. I've always struggled, especially with hitting a ball. Depth perception and coordination are usually my weak spots, but not today! My mommy would be proud!

So, about 14 or so fellow Nauvoo pageant-ians got together this afternoon to play baseball. The goal was to teach one of them who is from England how to play because she'd never played it before. Once we taught her, she said it was something similar to a game called Rounders that they have. So, maybe baseball isn't an American sport after all..... I had a lot of fun playing. We stopped for a rest at the seventh inning and ended up not playing again because we had fun visiting and sitting on the chigger-free grass! Yes! And the title "bless your soul," I'm not even sure where it came from, but pageant peoples were saying it a lot and it was awesome.

Now I'm off to visit my old stomping grounds in Provo with my previous roommates. They've finally got new couches and I have to check them out and approve of them, of course!

Move Along, Move Along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

All American Rejects

It's what I have to do...

Worried

Since I've come back from Nauvoo, I've started to become more and more worried about my grandma. A couple days after I left for Nauvoo, she developed shingles, which is the same virus as chicken pox, but it affects the nervous system. Big, painful sores with blisters that follow the nerves in the area that is affected. She has it on her chest and stomach. I can tell how it has weakened her. She is uncomfortable, in pain, and doesn't sleep well at night. Add onto that her already lack of energy and feeling uncomfortable with the symptoms of congested heart failure. Granted, since the pacemaker was put in, she has felt better, but since I've come back, I'm not so sure.

Now add on top of that visitors... some who stay here for over a week. It's all family, minus one who is a good friend of hers, but I can see how it's affecting her. One of the families has four kids who are... well, kids! Wild, full of energy, bored of being in the house all day, loud... etc. She said she's wanted to bonk them on their heads a few times, and I don't blame her. She is the kind that doesn't really express how she is feeling until it's boiling over or persuaded out of her. I can sense that having these extra guests at our house is taking it's toll. She loves having them here, but at the same time, she worries or stresses about being a good host, etc, and she doesn't have the energy or ability to do that anymore. In a couple days her friend is coming to stay with us, and then sometime next week her daughter and son-in-law are coming back to visit as they did in May. It means we'll have a full house! What that also means is downstairs won't be an escape anymore because they will have to sleep downstairs. Granted, I recently put a lock on my door, so I can still escape in that way.

I guess I just wanted to express that I am really concerned for my grandma's health with all the visitors coming. I talked to her about it just now and she said she's fine, but I can tell it is hard for her, by her nonverbal communication, I guess. I encouraged her to let us know when she needs a break, to speak up and let us know when she is feeling overwhelmed or tired. I really hope she will. One thing I learned was that shingles is sometimes brought on by stress and a weak immune system. She developed it after I left and I can't help but wonder if being by herself those few days stressed her out... I don't know. It's just me wondering. But continual stress/worrying probably won't help her to get better anytime soon. She may not admit it, but I know she worries a lot when people come to visit, no matter how much she loves the company. I could tell this even when I brought my friends over to visit with me downstairs.

With people coming, particularly two of her children being here, I do feel a little relieved of the work I do to try to take care of her, although, they don't know everything that needs to be done most of the time. It's good for her to have visitors and it's good to allow others to serve her like I am trying to do because I can only do so much. It gives me a little break so after they leave I can be even better at helping her the way I need to.

THAT We Took With Us...

 “Over the years, time and the forces of nature erased
almost all of what we had built here, with so much
love and desire…But nothing could erase what Nauvoo had given us.
That we took with us.  And we taught our children, and they
taught theirs.  Which is why when you’re here…We’re here also."
Nauvoo Pageant script
 

This afternoon I was a little hesitant to go to church. The reason is because I remembered how it was when I left, and that was that it was in awful shape. With the new ward change and people who were tired of trying to make the YSA ward work here, it was very challenging for me to stay optimistic and hopeful to have a good experience in this ward. Considering I'll probably be in this ward until I'm married, it was very depressing. Before I left, I was called as the FHE coordinator. It was like pulling teeth to get people to come to activities and be excited about the ward change and anything for that matter. When I left for Nauvoo, the bishopric were a little frantic about what they were going to do without me. They kept telling me they wished they had 300 more of me. Nice compliment, but it didn't help my feelings about the ward at the time. So, I left for Nauvoo and today I went back expecting to find the same ward and people that I left. But I was wrong.

I did find the same people, but there was something different about the ward as a whole. Sacrament meeting was truly inspired. Not that it wasn't before, but it was really good. It just so happens that today is Pioneer Day in Utah, which is the day we celebrate when the early saints arrived into the Salt Lake Valley. So, of course, that is what was talked about. The first speaker talked about Nauvoo and having just been there, I thought about all my experiences there and all that I know about that beautiful city when the saints were there. Then he went on to talk about them leaving Nauvoo. He asked, "Why did they leave?" I know it was to escape persecution, but it was much more than that. Surprisingly to me, the speaker said that. He went on to talk about all the things that the saints took with them BECAUSE they left Nauvoo and how we can learn from them. He quoted a talk that I don't remember which listed some things that we can learn from the early saints leaving Nauvoo. Here they are: Faith, unselfishness, sacrifice, obedience, cooperation, inclusion, and unity. He then said things that made me immediately think of the finale of the Nauvoo Pageant and a specific quote. I'll put it again: 

“Over the years, time and the forces of nature erased
almost all of what we had built here, with so much
love and desire…But nothing could erase what Nauvoo had given us.
That we took with us.  And we taught our children, and they
taught theirs.  Which is why when you’re here…We’re here also.
Nauvoo Pageant script
 

One other thing he said that I felt was very true is that we are living what those early saints dreamed and hoped we would have as they crossed that river into the wilderness. They had it in Nauvoo and they wanted us to have it, too. And here we are! I am so grateful for their examples and that they did teach their children and their children's children all that they took from Nauvoo. 

I couldn't help but also think of this quote by Joseph Smith as the speakers mostly talked about the suffering and trials the saints had to endure to come to where we are today. 

"The Standard of Truth has been erected; No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, and calumny may defame [and I would add people may starve, freeze, and die]; but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent, til it has penetrated every continent, visited every climb, swept every country and sounded in every ear, til the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."

These talks were a tender mercy for me today. It was just what I needed to hear upon returning to my ward from Nauvoo.  

After sacrament meeting my ward has Relief Society. My ward's Relief Society was one of my biggest pet peeves, as guess you can say. I'd experienced it at BYU and this ward was nothing like it-- it was a mess! However, from the start of today's meeting, I could feel the difference, and talking with people afterwards, they felt it, too. It's getting better--more like how I felt Relief Society ought to be when I was in Nauvoo and I said all those things about it. I am so grateful that we are on the right track and I can see this Relief Society becoming all that it can be for the sisters in my ward. Of course, I have to do my part and contribute my time and talents to it and help the other sisters catch the vision of what we can become. I shared some of my feelings with few of the sisters after church, including this quote from the pageant, which I feel is one of the best ways to describe my vision of Relief Society: "Sisters, we are going to do something extraordinary! Come!"

This last thing is something a friend of mine, who is still doing the pageant this week, wrote on facebook. He summarized beautifully the feelings I had when I was there:

I love that Zion truly can be a reality when we dedicate ourselves to the work. And what a beautiful thing it is. True consecration to the Lord brings incomparable joy.

 
I want to keep that feeling with me... I want to do my part of build Zion where I am at. I know that sounds cheesy, but if you have ever in your life experienced what Zion is like and all that requires of you to make it, then you would say the same thing.

Thoughts and Reflections-- Nauvoo Pageant Experiences

I am grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to be in the Family Cast of the Nauvoo Pageant in 2011. It was quite a different experience than last year when I did Family Support and that is because I was on stage and not backstage for the show. Being on stage was almost a sacred experience because I was truly representing those early saints who lived in Nauvoo. Each night I performed, I chose to represent one of my own ancestors who lived in Nauvoo. There were many times when I felt that I was feeling as they did as I was performing different scenes. I wasn’t really performing though. It was so much more. I believe that it is more than true the saying in the pageant, “When you’re here, we’re here.” We all felt it when we were on stage. The directors would talk about how movement was the language of our mission and how we bore our testimonies to the audience. I felt most successful when I wasn’t performing—trying to be perfect in the dance moves or positions on stage. I was most successful when I was being me- forgetting myself (my fears, weakness, inadequacy, comfort zone) and giving of my whole self to the scene. I learned that giving of myself meant to give more energy than I felt I had and to converse with others on stage as if I were really in that scene. “I will rest in God’s kingdom, but let me build it first.” It also meant to not complain about the sweat or the heat or any mistakes we made. “To give more that we had, we gave of ourselves.” The most powerful scenes happened when I really thought about what we were doing and the impact it has had on my own life and not just early saints.

            Just before going to Nauvoo, I felt impressed to read a book called, The Women of Nauvoo. It was great preparation for one of the great things I learned. I was selected to be in the organization of the Relief Society scene and as we rehearsed it, the stage manager led us in a discussion. She pointed out that there is a Relief Society music theme that is played throughout the pageant and not just in that scene. It even is in the raising of the temple scene when the RS sisters hold up the panels as the men lift it up and we all sing “Praise to the Man.” I gained a greater appreciation and love for the early women of the church who did so much to help care for their homes and families as well as make it possible for the men to go on missions and build the temple. Having that RS theme be throughout the pageant made me realize how much women really have and do influence or take part in building up the church. I have the potential to do so much good. The Relief Society was organized so that sisters could be there for each other and use our talents and sensitivities to help all those in need. “Sisters, we are going to do something extraordinary. Come!” The women are those who made the panels for the temple in the pageant and then we are the ones who get to run it up stage and hold it up and attach it together until the men pull it up. It’s amazing. I can’t really express how I feel about it only that I am grateful to be a part of it. I had the opportunity to be one of the runners who ran one of the panels up the stage to the men at the temple. Each night for a week I also had the opportunity to help take the panels down and fold them into the baskets. It was an almost sacred responsibility.

            The healing scene was my most favorite to perform because I have a strong testimony of the power of the priesthood. It has saved my life and I've received so many blessings that have guided and blessed my life. I also have a strong testimony of the power of the Atonement to heal the spirit and the body, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It’s such a simple scene, but having apostles come to my little group to check on how the sick one was doing and then to give him a blessing meant so much to me.

            The other scene that impressed me each night I performed it was the martyrdom scene. Each night I felt how much my ancestors LOVED the prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum. To see him go and then to see Emma standing all alone, crushed and sickened with grief, pain, and sorrow always hit me really hard. Immediately following that scene, Brigham Young steps forward, followed by the other apostles. I could never take my eyes off of him. I’d step forward and feel the power of his words and how much faith those early saints had to have to really believe him and move forward. He talks about how the death of the prophet would not stop the church from progressing. They will finish the temple and continue to grow and prosper. I felt so much gratitude for the truth of what he said. There ARE living prophets on the earth today and it is so important for us to follow them with faith. When I bore witness of the prophet Joseph Smith and the prophets today to those I talked to before and after the pageant, I felt the power and authority of my calling to testify to them of those things.

            Another thing that impressed me this year were the families I served with in the cast. They each welcomed me and served me as if I were a part of their families, too. I watched how they interacted with one another in kindness, love, and respect and it made me want to be a better sister, daughter, and eventually wife and mother. I know these families weren’t perfect, but they were trying and that was enough. “We who were many were becoming one.”

            The last thing that I learned was that conversations are just as important as getting referrals. I felt successful when I had meaningful conversations with individuals or families and I testified to them or lifted them up in some way. I would always invite, and some would have friends or family to share the gospel with, but many didn’t, and it was okay. I kept talking to them anyway. Making those connections, bearing my testimony, and inviting them to look for something to learn from the pageant was just as important as encouraging them to share what they have with their friends or family. In fact, one of the things I enjoyed the most this year was having those meaningful conversations with other cast members. Last year I didn’t have so many opportunities to talk to and get to know the families and the core cast and so it was wonderful experiencing that this time.

I hope you have all enjoyed reading all these posts about my experience. I hope that each of you will make it a goal to experience the pageant for yourself by going to watch it or participate in it if you feel you should. All my pictures are in my gallery and some of the best ones are on facebook. Enjoy!

Home at Last

By the end of my train ride, I was kind of wishing that I could have just apparated home, or at least said, "Accio Broom" and flown home. I got home 7 1/2 hours late. The main reason is because there is lots of freight traffic on the rails and they get first priority. They also had lightening strike a sensor that required precaution until they knew that is what happened. A part of the rail was misaligned, so they stopped us so they could fix that, too. It wasn't terrible, but because it is incredibly hard to sleep on the train without a nice pillow and blanket, it felt really long. I just needed to be more prepared with stuff to do on the way home especially. Overall, I'm just glad to be home.

Right now the thing on my mind the most right now is all those who are still doing the pageant. I know they still need my prayers and the prayers of others as they rehearse and perform these next two weeks. The heat and humidity are bad, but tiredness from long days on top of it make it worse. I know the Lord sustained me while I was there, but they can use all the help they can get. There are still many people who need to hear the message and testimony of the pageant and it's cast members.

Now my parents and little sister are here visiting as my sister has volleyball camp at BYU. I'm excited to spend time with them and especially excited to watch the last Harry Potter movie with them!

Farewell Nauvoo

Goodbyes are always hard, but it's softened with the feeling that I will be back again sometime in the future. The last performance went well and just like I thought it would, really fast. I loved every minute of it. In the evening dance I got so excited that I raised my arm to do the highland fling too early, but I smiled and kept it raised until everyone else did it, too. I laughed about it because I knew what the director would say... I was going with how I was feeling and I was feeling really excited to do that part! He would have said it was still perfect. The best part about that is I got it on video to remember forever. I had a few good conversations and I got four referrals that night. I also finally thought of people I could refer, so I gave five referrals myself, for a total of nine.

After the performance and some missionary work, we all gathered to the stage for closing remarks and cast prayer. I will really miss the families and individuals I met this year. They were all amazing. I will post my remaining pictures soon on my gallery and facebook for all to enjoy.

Overall, I feel like I accomplished what I was sent to accomplish going to Nauvoo this time. I helped the people in the cast that needed me even though most of the time I didn't know I was helping them like I was. I feel like they were helping me more than anything!

I left Nauvoo after church and a couple last hours with the House family. I loved every minute of it. I then went with the Rose family to Burlington, IA for the train. It came 3 hours late and we've lost another 3 hours. I'm not really worried about it though because I don't have anything to go to that is time dependent like there was when I was going to Nauvoo. Hopefully my parents won't complain too much about picking me up at the train station in the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday. :D

Good news is that I surprisingly got some sleep on the train. Not much, but enough that I'm not as tired as I was yesterday.

Saturday Already?

It's really hard to believe that it's already Saturday and tonight is my last performance. I feel like I could do this for the rest of the pageant if they'd let me. Alas, others have come to enjoy this opportunity and I want them to have it. I love my fellow cast members and core-cast. They have been such a great help and support for me. I have really felt so loved and watched over by Heavenly Father because of their great examples and influence. This experience has been so different than I expected, that it is hard to describe how I feel about it all. At the beginning I was asked what I wanted to accomplish and I said what I said last year and that was to be a missionary. My mission was a little different this time and it's hard to explain how except to have you read all my prior posts. I feel that I've learned what I've come here to learn and have been the kind of missionary I needed to be. Before I came here I felt that I was coming here for another cast member not necessarily a pageant visitor. I feel I probably won't know exactly all who I've influenced in the cast, but I must know that I have and that is enough. Maybe someday I will know who I helped and how. I hope so.

Last night we had a large youth conference group of Liberty, Missouri. It just so happens that one of my best friend Savannah's little brother Cameron was in that group so I talked to him before and after the pageant. He really impressed me when he said that his favorite parts were the beginning and the end. The end I understand, but the beginning? When I asked him why he said because it was so overwhelming. He said he was overwhelmed by the welcome that we gave to the audience. It was full of love and the Spirit. THAT is exactly the purpose of the beginning of the pageant, so it was a compliment to know that we achieved that purpose that night. We want the audience to feel welcome and feel how much we love them and are glad that they have come to hear "our" story.

I felt like the performance last night went very well, but WAY TOO FAST. I mean, it went by too fast. I was totally losing myself in doing it that before I knew it, it was over. I'm afraid that it will happen again tonight, but I will be glad, because that is how it should be. I will REJOICE my way through tonight's performance because I know that is what the early saints would want me to do. I'll be back to do it again.

Before the pageant I talked to one nonmember very briefly. The cross on her neck was a dead giveaway. I mostly talked to the youth in the youth conference and some of their leaders. I got a total of four referrals last night. After the pageant I talked with Cameron and some of his friends and then I talked to a guy about my age with his friend who is a recent convert to the church. I really enjoyed my conversation with them because it felt like I was summarizing some of my own thoughts and feelings about being in Nauvoo and experiencing the pageant. I realized last night that there are six things I've tended to bear testimony of with almost everyone I talked to before and after the pageant:
1. Joseph Smith being a prophet and how much the early saints loved him and I love him
2. That we have prophets on the earth today and just like the early saints immediately after Joseph's death, we can take that step of faith to listen to and follow and trust the prophet of the Lord who we have been blessed to have on the earth today.
3. The temple and Priesthood- the blessings it gave the saints as they left Nauvoo and the blessings I've received in my own life as I keep my covenants and live worthily.
4. Importance of Women and the Relief Society- their involvement in building the temple and Nauvoo and the great sacrifices and challenges they made to support their husbands and families. They created and had the support of the Relief Society that today still supports and helps me and everyone who is in need.
5. Families and unity- The pageant is centered around families and our desire to love and care for each other. Through out the pageant, families go first and that is how it should be where ever we are.
6. To non-members: Jesus Christ- He is the center of our faith. Everything we do on stage and off is us trying our very best to be like Him. We desire to become like him in our service and love for others.

When we are on stage, we are not just performing. I've probably said that a lot in the blog already, but I don't think anyone can really understand it until they've seen the pageant or the other show called "Our Story Goes On." The second show is a performance done only by the core-cast once a week and sometimes also for the family casts. I saw it when it was performed in Nauvoo and Keokuk, but yesterday it was performed for the Blue and Yellow cast families. I am so grateful that I went because it was incredible. It's hard to describe what happened in that performance except to say that the cast and the audience connected in a very personal way that was so powerful. That room was so full of love and it seemed like every song the cast sang told a piece of every audience member's "story," including mine. There is one song that is called "Proud of Your Boy" that really hit me this time, more than it usually does. Earlier this week at the end of a phone call with my mom, she said she was proud of me. It really hit me as I listened to my friend perform it with such emotion I've never seen before that I really wanted my Mom to be proud of me and I was so grateful to have her as my mother. The rest of the show was so powerful that trying to describe it doesn't do it justice. You had to be there.

To me, this is exactly why what I've been doing here is not just performing. There is SO MUCH MORE to being in the pageant than performing for an audience. We give our hearts and ourselves. We also feel the influence of those who we are representing on stage, more than anyone can really know. It truly is a sacred experience.

Last night I represented my ancestor Martha Brown Sanders and tonight I will represent Pheobe Wooster Child Richardson.