Here we go again...

There are somethings you'd love to do again, but there are other things you wish you never had to experience even once, and one of those things is your dad being laid-off. That's right, my dad got laid off from his job today. I still can't believe it, but sooner or later, reality has to set in. Even though I am supporting myself with my own job, hearing that my dad got laid off is really hard. I feel the familiar weight of it all even though it doesn't affect me directly.

My dad went through a few jobs when I was a kid, but I was too young to remember what it was like to really know how it affected the family. However, the last two times he's been laid off stand out clearly in my mind like it was yesterday. This is the third time he's been laid off in 5 years' time. I think part of why it's affecting me so much is because I felt like they were finally starting to recover from the past lay-offs that resulted in so many financial issues.

The first time I remember distinctly because I was home from college for the semester so that they could go to Thailand for a two week tour. It was when he was going to go back to work (after they gave him a sabbatical) that they called him to tell him he was laid off and he'd go back to get his things. It was awful. I'm so glad I was home when it happened, though. It was the beginning of some really difficult times for my family and it was good to be with them to go through it until I went back to school. I just realized that this happened almost exactly 5 years ago. How ironic. I know that I learned a lot about my parents and my siblings during that difficult time and I grew closer to them because of it. I think we all grew a little closer to the Lord, too.

The second time was a couple years later. I remember I had just been talking to my mom a few days before about how excited I was that I didn't have to stress so much about grades because I wouldn't have to have a scholarship to finish my last year of school. I remember exactly where I was when my mom called me to tell me that my dad got laid off again. I was in the BYU Library on the second floor doing homework in the periodicals section. I paced back and forth in front of those doors and cried as I felt the bombshell hit and the financial security be blown away. The worst part was that without a scholarship, we weren't sure we would be able to afford for me to finish my last year of school. That was the worst feeling in the world. I think that is what made graduating from BYU even more of a miracle to me. I've learned since that my parents made huge sacrifices to get me there... causing them to file for bankruptcy a year or so after I graduated. I won't ever forget that.

This time when the bomb hit, I'm personally in a better situation, so it wasn't as bad, but it's still really hard. My family is everything to me, so whatever happens to them, happens to me in some degree. I hope with all my heart that this won't keep Amanda from being able to go to BYU. It's been her dream as long as it was mine when I was her age. In some ways, I feel the worst for Amanda because she's had to deal with all this in her teenage years, although I'm sure it's taught her a lot.

My family has been very blessed these past 5 years, so it hasn't all been bad. I believe the greatest blessing was Ryan being able to serve a mission. Being where I am today is a great blessing, too. I know the Lord is mindful of my family and will bless us. I just ask that prayers be sent our way that he can find a job soon.

In Over My Head??

I think I might be in over my head, although, I just thought of a quote by Joseph Smith where he said, "Deep water is what I'm wont to swim in." That just may be the case with me right now.

This morning I got a call from a counselor in the bishopric where he said they had a new calling to give me. Okay! I figured it wouldn't be long before I'd be put back into a leadership position of some sort and not just on a committee. It turned out that it wasn't just a new calling, it was ANOTHER calling in addition to my current calling. He said that it's a "rare thing" for them to do, but they felt that I could handle it. So, now I am the Relief Society Visiting Teaching Coordinator and I am still on the FHE committee. Although it's going to be a little hard having both callings, I consider it a tender mercy and answer to prayer that I got this second calling. Just before he called, I was thinking about some things I know that I should be doing and had decided that I would ask the RS president what I can do to help her so that I can do more to serve the sisters in RS. Well, I got my answer! It just reconfirmed to me that Heavenly Father is aware of my desires and knows what I need to continue to grow and feel happy.

So now I have two callings. Despite feeling that it is a good calling for me to have right now, I am feeling overwhelmed. Not just with my callings, but with life and responsibility. I know I can do it all with the Lord's help, but it's still hard and I often have moments of great anxiety. In a talk given to YSA's last Sunday, Sister Oaks said that she was counseled in a blessing when she was single and having a hard time that if she couldn't handle the difficulties of life when she is single, she could never handle the difficulties of life when she is married. That really hit me and made me want to do better in handling the many challenges I have to face right now. To be honest, dating/relationships is not even on the plate of concern right now. I have so many other things I am trying to do that dating/relationships I have just put into the hands of the Lord, because I have done and am doing all that I can. Besides, another thing Sis. Oaks said that I already felt was that I should be more concerned about becoming the best disciple of Christ that I can be than about getting married. That is sound advice that I am definitely striving to follow.

I don't want to spell out all the things I am experiencing that are making me feel overwhelmed, but I just wonder if it's one of those moments where there is something I SHOULD let go of or if I really am doing all that I am supposed to be doing and it just happens to be A LOT. If so, the Lord sure believes that I am up to the challenge. Overall, I feel the guidance of the Lord in my life and decisions and He will help me figure out what is most important for me to do at this time. In the mean time, I will be swimming in some deep water.

Home Teachers!

FINALLY, after being in my ward for 6 months, I got home teachers!! I can't count how many times I've needed my home teachers these past 6 months and haven't had anyone reliable to call on. I've missed having them, partly because there is a sense of security I feel knowing that priesthood holders are watching out for me and are there for me when I need them. It's especially important to me now that I am living where it's just me and my grandma with few visitors most of the time. I'm hoping having home teachers will also help me get to know more people in the ward.

Work is still stressful. I'm not going to get into all of it, but it's been a really rough week and just thinking about it makes me feel anxious. It's not the kids, they are as cute as can be. It's all the other stuff. It's not coworkers either. Thankfully I work with some really great women. I'm hoping that things will settle down in a month or so as I get used to how things have to be. I feel like I'm learning a whole new position with all the changes that are happening. So much of it I can't change and so I don't think it's good for me to complain about it in specifics, but instead humble myself and do what I have to do. It doesn't help at all when coworkers complain to me about it all though. It makes it even harder for me to be positive and just do it.

I've been thinking and learning a lot about humility lately. I have so much to learn and I am grateful for the learning experiences I'm having to help me learn more and more about it even though it does make life seem a little bit harder.

Something that really helped me today was lots of time to study in the scriptures this morning and then going to the CES fireside tonight. Sis. Oaks, Elder Oaks' wife, spoke first and said exactly what I needed to hear right now. She helped the Spirit confirm to me that I am on the right track, doing exactly what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. He knows my needs and desires and what I'm going through perfectly. I'm grateful for her inspired words to remind me of somethings that give me encouragement to keep up doing what I'm doing.

Phase One Complete

Yesterday I completed phase one of receiving my new tooth! Fortunately, I survived the sedation part... I was a little nervous about that. It turned out to be very nice. I didn't get loopy or anything like that and I didn't feel too weird afterward.

The great news is that the dentist was able to put in the bone graft AND the implant post all in one shot. There was a chance that there wouldn't be enough existing bone for him to put the post in, but there was! The other good news is that he put in a temporary fake tooth there so I don't have to wear my retainer! Right now it there are stitches wrapped around the fake tooth and the teeth beside it, so it looks like something from Frankenstein or something. My jaw/chin is a bit sore. I iced it all afternoon yesterday. For 48 hours I am to take it easy so it doesn't bleed, so what am I doing? Watching Chuck, of course! I watched all of season one yesterday...

I don't feel like I can really chew foods right now, so I'm having to work around that. Yesterday it hurt to even open my mouth all the way to talk, but today it is a little better. It's a holiday on Monday, so it will be nice to have an extra day to recover before going back to school/work.

I have an appointment in two weeks where he will most likely remove the stitches. After that I will have check up appointments until the dentist believes it is healed enough to get the crown put on by my regular dentist. That procedure isn't bad, so I probably won't be sedated. I have to wait four months before I get the crown, most likely, so sometime between December and February, I will finally have a tooth there again!