When I was in 7th grade, I was in the school’s leadership class. We went on a special trip to Disneyland for a leadership conference and took lots of pictures. I am at least twice or three times as big as the other girls in the class- which were all in 8th grade. I was jealous of them and started wearing makeup hoping that would help me feel better about how I looked.
As part of the student council, I worked the snack bar during lunch and at school dances. I loved eating the coveted mint chocolate frozen yogurt we sold. (There were no frozen yogurt places at that time). We also sold candy, soda, and chips which I’m sure I ate as well. On Fridays my mom was in charge of selling similar items after school to kids, so I was definitely eating all of that
At school dances we’d sell slices of pizza and soda. I didn’t like the music or the dancing, so I stayed behind the counter and ate all the pizza that I wanted.
I didn’t like PE for the obvious reasons, but I also didn’t like it because I hated the short PE shorts. My legs were fat and wearing shorter shorts meant everyone could see the big burn scar on my left leg. I was self-conscious about people seeing the scar turn colors depending on how cold or hot I was. I also didn’t like telling the story to people. That’s a story for another day, sorry guys!
I don’t have very many pictures of myself between the ages of 10 and 14. I didn’t realize that until my brother Steven mention it. He asked if I knew why and he told me it is because my family was embarrassed about how fat I was and didn’t want me in pictures. The pictures below are pretty much the only pictures I have of that time period.
I remember being very excited to buy new clothes and finally fit into a real pair of jeans for family pictures.
Journal Entries
March 25, 1999 (7th Grade)
"I can't wait to get to go to high school and be a fit swimmer and have fun! I am so excited to swim! I sometimes want to just jump into the pool and start swimming with all of my friends.... I want to weigh less and be skinnier. Right now at 13 years old I weigh about 205 lbs, but a little bit less and I am 5'4". This week, trying to lose weight, I eat only breakfast and dinner. I eat small candies between when I get hungry, like Starbursts. In the beginning of the year I weighed about 215 lbs. Then I tried every day to take smaller portions of food and to eat less all together and it went down to about 210 lbs. Now it goes up and down and around this time I am 205 lbs. I am trying to get down to at least 190 if I can. Water polo will help and so will the exercise (or crunches) at night that I do. PE helps, too. I also want to be in swimming because it will help me lose weight and keep it off. I wish I were a smarter eater when I was younger."
May 3, 1999
"In PE we had the fitness gram for state. I weighed 203 lbs. Water polo starts a week after school ends. I am so excited!"
June 17, 1999
"I am 195 lbs today and I've been this for about a month! My aunt Tami even said I look like I've lost weight!! Water polo starts next Monday. All of my friends are playing!
The summer between 7th and 8th grade I joined my best friends, who were already in high school, and started playing water polo on the new girls water polo team. In 8th grade I was noticeably smaller, as you can see in the pictures below. So, what I did was sort of working even if it still wasn’t “healthy”. This, however is the beginning of the unhealthy habits that I developed to lose weight in high school.
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