The Temple

This past Wednesday, February 13 marked three years since I was endowed in the temple.

On Wednesday I had the opportunity to go with my ward to the temple for stake temple night. We got to hear a little from the Provo temple president. He talked about how the temple changes you as you go, especially as you go often. He also talked about how thin the veil can be in the temple.

His words made me realize some things. I definitely am not the same person that I was when I was endowed three years ago. I remember distinctly what I was going through at the time and it's hard for  me to believe that it was only 3 years ago that I was going through that. At the time, I immediately felt the increased strength and protection that come from keeping temple covenants. I think about all that I've been through since then and I know that without the temple I wouldn't have come out of those experiences as well as I have. In fact, I'm not even sure I would have made it through them at all. The temple is my lifeline. I've had many sacred experiences within the temple that give me the hope, strength, perspective, and peace that I need to keep moving forward. The temple has changed me in more ways that I can number. It has changed me in that I am closer to the Savior and I hope also that I am more like Him. The temple has made me happier as I've continued to learn His plan for me.

While I was in the temple, I couldn't stop myself from smiling as I thought about the day I was endowed. I cried on that day in the temple, a lot. It was such a huge deal for me because I felt like I had been waiting and waiting to receive those blessings and it felt like it would never happen. But it did! And when it did, I felt relieved and also so happy and excited. Writing this makes me realize that as I prepare and wait for marriage, I need to remember all this. It will happen!

I am happy, very happy right now. My ward is amazing and it's keeping me busy. I'm involved in a play that we are doing and from now until in March, my weeks will be filled with rehearsals. It's making me stretch out of my comfort zone, but in so many ways it's helping me just as the Nauvoo Pageant did. I wish I could express everything that I'm thinking and feeling, but this will have to do.

Flashback:
 

Life is Good

It feels so good to say life is good, again. I feel like most everyone that reads this blog already knows the stuff I write on here, but here I go anyway.

Christmas with family was great, as usual! The only difference was coming back "home" to Utah for New Year's Eve. It felt good, though. I had a few extra days before returning to work and that felt really good. I spent New Year's Eve with my sister and then went to a friend's party.

Then work started again. Fortunately, I love my co workers, so it isn't so bad as it has been in years past. Now that things are in full swing again, I realize how busy I am, but I'm not complaining. Okay, I might be a little, but only because sometimes I come home after work and am so exhausted all I want to do is lay in my bed or on the couch and watch TV shows or movies. In other words, do absolutely nothing. But alas, I have a life and I can't do that everyday.

Work is a little stressful right now, though. We are government funded so we are required to do developmental assessments and continually document the kids' progress. We have a deadline to turn in their progress 3x a year and the next one is in a couple of weeks. We have to take notes on things we see the kids do and then input them into a computer and tie them with one of 38 objectives, some which have sub-objectives. We have to have 2 notes per objective per child. With 32 kids, that's a lot. I know part of my problem is I am not as familiar with these new objectives, so I worked extra hard on Friday to organize stuff in a way that could help all of us try to get it all done it time. There is a threat that we'll have performance evaluations if we don't get it all done and that really worries me. Not because I think I'd fail them, but because I am hoping to apply for another position and I don't want a write up to reflect negatively on me. The position I'm looking to apply for is called a child development specialist. The person is a supervisor over the teachers and does a lot of paperwork. Sounds exciting, right? A couple good reasons I want to apply for it are first, that I would make about $6,000 to $8,000 more a year and second, I want to have experience doing something other than teaching if something ever happens to Head Start in the future. The best part is I don't have to speak Spanish for it, which is the only reason why I didn't get the position I applied for last summer. I know that we will most likely get through this assessment period just fine, but it's still something that exhausts me everyday.

I started institute again last week at UVU. I'm in the Orem Institute non-audition choir on Thursday nights and I absolutely love it. We sometimes get to do cool things like sing at the last CES fireside where Pres. Uchtdorf spoke. I am also taking a class right before choir that is about women in the scriptures. I'm really excited about it.

I can't tell anyone enough how much I love my new ward. It's absolutely amazing. Great people, great activities, great everything. I've made a lot of new friends very quickly, which has helped so much in my healing process. It's hard to believe I've been in my new place and this new ward for 5 months now.

Starting this week, some friends and I in the ward are rehearsing for a roadshow that we will put on sometime in March. It's really just a cheesy musical we are putting on for our ward only, but it will still be fun. It will definitely be a comfort zone expanding experience for me, though. I've been assigned to be the narrator. The only catch is, that the narrator sings the opening act by herself. Yeah... that's going to be... interesting. Seeing as I've only sung solo two or three times and it's a hymn-like song that I've sung over a hundred times and even then I'm really not that great.... Yeah, this will be awesome. But I will give it my best shot. If it sounds bad... well, it will only add to the cheesiness of the show. At first I was really nervous about it, but I'm not as nervous anymore because I decided I need to think about it as I did being in the Nauvoo Pageant. I didn't have a speaking part or sing, but I learned many principles about performing that can help me even though it is a completely different setting and drama. It will be an opportunity to develop my talents and maybe even help me feel more confident to apply for the Nauvoo Pageant core cast again in the future. Even if it is embarrassing, it will be fun to spend so much time with my friends in the ward as we prepare for it.

My calling right now is family history co-chair and I'm loving it. My co-chair is amazing. It's the first time EVER that I've had a co-chair that actually wants to "co-chair." He's helping me to not take charge or take control of everything, which is what I usually do in my co-chair callings. I'm learning how to team teach, too. It's also nice to have the opportunity to share my interest of family history with others and to help people get started. I feel like the last time I had this calling, I was constantly "pulling-teeth" just to get people to my class and then when I offered to help people outside of class, no one was really interested. This time, however, I have people who seem excited to learn and want individual help to get started. I'm excited to help them and learn with them. My experience mostly has been with Scandinavian records and only recently I've started some research in the US, so I'm learning right along with them about somethings.

So with immersing myself in family history, being involved in the roadshow, going to institute, working, and spending time with my sister, I am really busy, but LIFE IS GOOD.

Geocaching with my siblings

Reunion with my college roommates/best friends

Taco bell date with my brother

Ward temple trip/Temple Square Christmas lights

Dates with my siblings- caught in the act of getting cronked

Made an amazing apple pie for my family

Snow angel or dead man?

Sister dates are the best

My co-workers

Me and my choir buddies singing at the CES fireside

My ward is just... cool

Holiday Blessings

I am so grateful that it's finally December! This has been a long year for me and I am in desperate need of the Christmas Spirit. I really appreciated the First Presidency devotional tonight. It was the first time in a long time that I've felt the Spirit's peace, joy, and God's love for me so strongly outside of the temple. It helped me feel better about not having much money to give people gifts for Christmas, too. It was a great reminder to me that the Christmas Spirit is the spirit of the love of Christ and that whatever I can give to others, if it is given in love, is just as good, or better, than gifts I could buy with money.

I know we all ought to feel the "Christmas Spirit" all year round, and I know we can. I think part of the reason why it is EASIER to feel the spirit of the love of Christ at Christmastime is because every where you go, people are singing about Christ's birth and what He did and many people are trying to do what He did by serving people who are especially in need at this time. It's really quite amazing that it happens, but I'm so grateful that it does.

As I've served my grandma this past year and a half, I truly learned a lot, including how much I can handle emotionally. I am grateful for the ward that I moved into in Provo. It is exactly what I need to heal emotionally and fill up my bucket so I can once again serve as I desire to serve. Tonight some friends and I went caroling to a few houses in the neighborhood. One man opened the door and as we started singing, he got a big smile on his face. As we finished and began to leave, he said that we really made his day. It felt so good to have done something so simple like that and see with his smile how much it brightened him. I hope that even with my lack of money I can brighten other people's days in simple ways. I know that it will help me just as much as it will help them.

So, this week I'm turning 27. I don't feel 27. Am I really 27? Yep, the math doesn't lie. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I've mostly come to terms with my age, but I still have a deep fear that being 27, graduated with a full-time job, a little bigger in size, and a little awkward, crazy, or weird sometimes will intimidate and/or repulse and/or otherwise be unattractive to guys that I meet that I might want to go on dates with. Really, all I want is to get married and have my own family. I love my preschoolers, but I worry that I might tire myself out before I even have my own kids. I also worry that if I get too old, I won't be able to safely have my own kids or have kids at all. Many people I know have had a hard time, so it's something else I think about.

But worrying and stressing about all that isn't very helpful, so I'm going with Plan B... or is it Plan C or D? I don't know, but that's what I'm doing. It's been quite an adventure. These past 8 years have been filled with so many great memories made with family and friends. I've been greatly blessed. Since I'm 27, here is a list of 27 things I've done in the past 8 years in my "Plan B" adventure.

1. Gone to Nauvoo 4 times- Semester at Nauvoo (BYU Nauvoo), EFY as a counselor (with my sister), Nauvoo Pageant as backstage Family Support and Family Cast.
2. Skydiving with one of my best friends Kristen.
3. Drove a manual transmission car in a "race" with the emergency brake still on. (I lost, of course. And there is a video of it on facebook, actually.)
4. Graduated from BYU with a Bachelor's degree in Marriage, Family, Human Development
5. Read over 20 non-school related books.
6. Hiked Mt. Timpanogoes
7. Hiked to about 10 or more different waterfalls (many multiple times)
8. Watched the play Wicked with two of my siblings
9. Became an Assistant Teacher at Head Start Preschool
10. Bought my dream car- VW Jetta
11. Made at least a dozen slideshows for friends and family of our fun times together
12. Endowed in the temple
13. Served as a missionary for a total of 4 weeks via the Nauvoo Pageant
14. Pet a real kangaroo
15. Got a perm (yeah, my hair is normally straight for those who didn't know)
16. Got hit by rock fall on a hike, which directly hit my teeth and no other part of my face (a miracle). Resulted in a shattered tooth and a kind of cracked canine tooth and some chips of other teeth. Got a retainer and I lost it on Mt. Timp. Got another retainer. Finally got a tooth implant, yay! Eventually got the chips repaired as well.
17. Got wisdom teeth removed and was awake during the whole procedure and could feel a lot of it. Had to do it in two parts because of that fact. After the first procedure I couldn't open my jaw more than half an inch for almost two weeks, so I ate baby food and other things that didn't require ANY chewing at all. Soooo glad that it wasn't permanent!!
18. Made 2 music videos. One with my roommates on a St. Patrick's Day to the song Ultimate and I called it The Ultimate Music Video (Not). It happens to still be on facebook. The other one was to "All The Single Ladies" on a Valentine's day with a couple of my roommates, my sister, and a guy friend. That one is NOT on facebook as far as I know.
19. I've eaten "crack" and have gotten "cronked" Ask my family.
20. I planted strawberry plants and had them in my very own garden for a year and a half.
21. Was an EFY counselor for 3 summers
22. Went to Niagara Falls
23. Touched the Nauvoo bell... I mean the REAL Nauvoo bell, you know, the one that is up in the tower of the temple at this very moment? Yeah, that one. :)
24. Shook Elder Richard G. Scott's hand
25. Learned how to make my infamous cinnamon rolls
26. Sang a solo in front of over 200 people (EFY theme song 2006)
27. Got a season pass for Disneyland even though I lived in UT. Went just enough times to make it worth it money wise, but made some amazing memories with my family. One being my siblings and I sitting lightest to heaviest in the boat for Splash Mountain. Each drop we came to, even the little dips, we got not one, but two waves hitting us, the second one always bigger. Needless to say, the final drop was EPIC. We ALL came off completely soaked. We managed to repeat the experience on another visit with my dad. It was awesome.

Here are some pictures:

Home for Thanksgiving

Christmas at my new place!

All of my Christmas houses are out this year

Friends in my new ward!

Paparazzi for my ward's Academy Night

Seven Year Famine

Fall is finally here! This has been a long , hard year for me so it makes me happy to already see Christmas stuff up in stores. My roommate and I have already started listening to Christmas music occasionally. :) I'm actually thinking of starting to set up my Christmas village very soon, too, because I want to enjoy it as long as I can since I will be going home for the holidays. It will take some doing because my front room is so narrow and kind of small. I am determined to make it fit!

As you could see by all the pictures in my last post, I have been greatly blessed to move into a good ward with good people in it. I'm ward photographer, which so far is my most favorite calling I've ever had. I'm making a slideshow like I did for my roommates in college, but it will be even better! I have the new iMovie so I can do some really awesome things, so I'm super excited.

Sadly, this will be a short term calling because I was also asked to be the family history co-chair. No surprise there, really. I just can't do what I'd like to do for both callings, so I asked that after the slideshow I only have one calling.

The most exciting thing recently was being introduced to geocaching. I'd heard of it when I was in Pleasant Grove, but I had no idea what it was. A friend in the ward invited Amanda and I to go with him and we had a blast. She has gotten at least one date from that experience, with more to come, I'm sure. :) No dates for me in this ward as of yet. ;)

In other news, I realized yesterday that even though things have worked out so well for me to move here and everything, there is still more healing needed. Overall, I've been happy and only exhausted from work, but I've noticed little disappointments still push be over the edge and I struggle to get back up. Fortunately, I have the tools I need to get back up, but some days are still just hard, especially when I don't have the means financially to do some of the things that I know help me get out of my rut, like going to plays. What matters, though, is that I get back up and keep moving forward despite whatever thoughts come creeping into my head that could keep me down.

For Halloween Amanda joined me in going to my Nauvoo pageant friend's home to trick or treat and hand out candy with her kids. Afterwards we went to a stake dance, which was a lot if fun, of course.

These past two days I've had no work and it's been wonderful. Today is the first real snow and it feels good to be home, in my sweats, watching some TV shows.

Pictures of my recent adventures: