This past weekend in Arizona was exactly what I needed. Although the reason for going was very sad, overall, it was amazing. The drive was 11 hours or so long. I left about 1 1/2 hours later than I planned because the home health nurse needed to talk to me and needed me to do some things for her to care for my grandma before I left. I seriously wondered if I would EVER get to leave.
Going there, I met my family about 2 1/2 hours away from our destination so that I could have someone in my car with me as I was tired. Funny evidence of how tired I was at that point is that when I went to use the restroom in the gas station, I walked in and immediately saw a urinal and thought that that it was strange for it to be in there. I checked and saw that there was no lock and the door and thought that was strange, too. I then used the bathroom anyway. As I walked out a man opened the door and confirmed that I was indeed in the wrong bathroom. It wasn't until he was opening the door did I find myself hoping that it was a female and not a male walking in. Indeed, it was a man. Good thing he didn't go in earlier!
My family and I stayed at a motel together, and it was just wonderful to be with them again. With about 5 hours of sleep, we went to the viewing and met up with my cousins that I hadn't seen in YEARS. My sister and I talked about how we really wish we'd been closer to them as we grew up, which made it a little more sad to be there knowing we'd lost that time with our cousin Jeff.
The funeral and events with family afterward were really good. It was sad, but overall I felt peace and comfort in knowing that we will see Jeff again. I have a testimony of the atonement of Jesus Christ and His resurrection. It was made stronger this weekend as I went to the funeral and heard the testimonies of my family, my cousin Mark in particular.
I left the funeral with a resolve to be a better person and more like Christ. I had some major take-aways from this weekend. First, don't take family members (or anyone I love for that matter) for-granted. Appreciate them right now for who they are and all that they do for me. Thank them. Tell them that I love them. Do what I can to serve them and make them happy. Although it's fun to tease or make fun, or easy be annoyed by or upset by someone, I need to try harder to not let it happen intentionally for very long. I never know when I might lose that person.
Second/Third, enjoy life, enjoy people and make work fun. Work hard, play hard. I'm good at the work hard part, but especially right now making work fun and making time for fun is a really great struggle for me that I need to be better at doing.
Fourth, be an example of Christ by serving others, acknowledging others, or helping those who feel miserable even when I feel miserable. That is incredibly hard to do, but my cousins taught me that it is possible to do so.
I found myself really not wanting to leave and not wanting my family to leave. I loved getting to know my cousins and their wives and visiting with my cousin Jeff's wife, who is now a widow. I only wish I could do more to help her and my cousins, but most especially her. I can only imagine what it must be like for her to lose her husband and have two small children. She and my cousins will be in my prayers for a long time.
As soon as I came back from AZ, I had to jump right in to work and caring for Grandma. The break was nice, but I could definitely use more of a break. I say that with even more fervor as the past two days have been filled mostly with trying to meet the needs of my grandma so that she can be healthy, safe, and comfortable. I'm on the phone with her home health nurse multiple times a day with her telling me things that need to be done... by me or someone else. The nurse has helped tremendously, so I am very grateful for that, it's just hard to take it all in. It's a lot of responsibility.
This Sunday, April 1st, marks my one year anniversary of living with Grandma. It's been quite a year! It's crazy to think what things I've experienced this past year in caring for her and having to start over in a new place. It's been the greatest challenge of my life so far, and it's still hard. I've grown up a lot this past year, to say the least. It's also crazy to think how quickly my grandma's condition has changed, especially in the past month and a half. It's sad, too.
She was diagnosed with Congested Heart Failure a little over a year ago. She got a pace maker a year ago May. She was doing pretty good until she got the flu and then bronchitis in November, after which she started swelling up again, more and more and more. She got another pacemaker in February as well as a AV node ablation done two days after the pacemaker was put in. The swelling has gone down some in the past couple of days, at least she's lost quite a bit of weight since last Friday. Her legs are still "weeping," though. She is now sleeping in a chair in the family room, using a walker to get around, has to use oxygen almost all the time, and has a lot less strength for endurance of prolonged activities. She can still do most things, for which I am very grateful. She has more strength than she did when she left the hospital and went to the rehab center. Two major concerns right now is her memory loss and her swollen "weeping" legs. She's forgetting to take her medicine, among other things. I'm leaving work to take her to a doctor's appointment on Thursday to see about her legs and her cough. Her cough sounds a lot better than it did, though. Her condition now requires a whole lot more of me than it has this past year, so it's really hard adjust.
One of the biggest stresses is having to talk to the nurses and have them ask me questions about her and her care or tell me things to do to help her. It's also challenging to get Grandma to do everything she is supposed to do. Sometimes she can be stubborn, but she usually softens and does it after a bit of time. I have to start making her take her meds in the morning before I leave to work and call her in the afternoon to take her afternoon medicine. I'll be home in the evening to help her then. I'll be done with work in about 8 weeks, so after than it will maybe not be as hard, at least for the summer.
Good news is that on Friday night I'm going to see the play Bye Bye Birdie! I'm excited to see it. I've also been listening to Maze Runner on my ipod since I didn't finish it on the way home for AZ. I'm loving it! I'm also very excited for General Conference this weekend where I get to hear the words of the living prophets speak to ME!
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