Well, Grandma is home now and pretty much settled in. This is the first moment all day that I've really sat down. I'm not even ready to leave for AZ yet! Most of you reading this know already, but last weekend my cousin past away from esophagus cancer. He was only 31 with 2 kids and he was a really good man. I'm leaving to go to the funeral tomorrow afternoon and will turn around to come back early Sunday morning. Everything is taken care of for people to come by the house to check on Grandma and provide dinner for her for the next three days. She really has an amazing Relief Society president! I am so thankful for her and all the sisters in the ward who are ever so willing to help! Grandma has also has many family members really concerned for her and watching out for her needs.
She still has a bad cough and her swelling is so much that she has sort of blister-like things on her legs that she often has to wipe the puss or whatever it is off. It's pretty gross and swollen. Someone from the ward came by and said she's looking better than she has in a long time and asked if I agreed. It was hard to lie, but I had to, for grandma's sake.... Memory-wise she was better today, but the director told me to expect good and bad days.
Her Home Health nurse called tonight, which I was very happy about. She will have the same therapists she did in the Orem Rehab center. The home health nurse is coming tomorrow morning while I'm at work, so I hope grandma will be able to sign everything, etc on her own. We are thinking to give grandma something to wear that in case she falls or something happens, she can push it and it will alert me. She can't get up from the couch on her own, so for now she is only sitting at the table. She fortunately had bought a walker for grandpa, so she has one of those. She's been borrowing one from someone, I don't know who yet. I'm going to figure out her meds tonight so it's all in the container and she can take them without any problems, hopefully.
I keep having to tell myself to take a moment to breathe deep and relax. I know it's all going to be fine, but it's hard to be a caregiver and have so many other responsibilities. I have a much greater appreciation for my mom. How does she do it?! How does she meet the needs of others and still have time and energy to do things for herself and her own personal happiness? I remember her finding time, or making time to read the newspaper in the morning while she ate breakfast and we had to wait for her to finish. It was HER time. She also read lots of books while she supervised us doing whatever activity we were doing. I admire her all the more for doing those things even to this day. I just have to figure out how I can do it now myself.
This past month, but especially today, I've learned a lot about giving selfless service, just as my mom is such a great example of doing. It energizes me while I do it, but once I'm not doing it, I crash! All I feel like doing is watching TV shows, but I know there are better ways to spend my free time. It's been hard to give of myself at work and at home and still take care of myself, but I'm trying and doing my best. I am excited to see my family this weekend even though it is for a sad reason. It's a break I've been needing for a long time now.
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